How do you do this with children who are used to no money worries?

cleggie

Hi all,

i am committed to clearing off my debt- no ifs or buts.

I am just wondering how those of you with young children manage with not spending ANYTHING unless you need to, when you have children (in my case they are 11 and almost 7) who are used to having money spent on them nearly everytime we go into town?

Don't get me wrong, my kids are in no way spoilt, but its not been uncommon for them to have a new book or 2, a new jumper, or a new toy or something when we pop into town on a Saturday. Obvioulsy with it being half term its harder as we will be in town more as well.

Today i just found myself saying "no" every 2 seconds...and although i had no qualms about not spending money, i just felt like such a mean miserable mum.
I wont be bale to spend anything unless its necessary for about 6 months and i am feeling a bit upset at the thought of not being able to buy the kids anything at all for 6 months and having every Saturday like this!

happyhaddock_2

Hi Cleggie, we're on a DMP so money is very tight and there is little left over for treats. We explained to the kids what was happening and why and they have (mostly!) accepted it very well, if anything it's made them appreciate even more when they do get something, instead of just expecting it. Even the youngest, who was eight when we started is fine, and I think if it makes them a little less materialistic that's no bad thing. We don't ever want to go back to living on credit (debt) and hopefully our kids will learn this as well.

GeorgieFTB

cleggie

I've been the kid in this situation, my parents have never been any good with money so every few years there would be issues, 'belts would be tightened' etc

Your best bet is to just tell them, you don't need to go into too much detail but let them know that for the next 6 months money will be tight. They should be able to understand.

As for treats when we were older we got tasked with saving money, when grocery shopping if we could find a deal we got to keep half the saving. If we were good they added up to a choccy bar at the end!

Its deeply humiliating to admit that you make mistakes but they will be fine with it and it should also teach them that things happen, its not the end of the world to deal with it and not bury your head in the sand.

Well done for dealing with it!

cleggie

Thanks for the reply happyhaddock- i tried explaining this to my 11yr old, saying that it was more important that we are debt free, but he just looked at me with a blank face as to say "whats debt"? LOL, so my new aim is to teach him about saving money i think!

He is better than me though, he still has £22 left from the £70 he had on his birthday just after xmas!

dumpy

Just a query but why will you be in town more as it's half term? (I'm probably being thick here as I have no kids.)

Obviously if you have places to go etc then I understand but otehrwise it sounds like "going shopping" is an activity.

There is a thread on family money saving with ideas of things to do over half term which are free/very cheap.

Might be worth a look?

cleggie

Thanks Georgie, i think you are right, its humiliating to admit to my children that i have made mistakes, it makes me feel like a failure as a parent, especially as i dont have a husband/anyone who shares this with me, so its soley my fault.

Dumpy- your post really struck a chord with me. I had never thought about it before, but yes, i think that going shopping has become an activity! I have already posted about free/cheap activities on another board, but thanks for the suggestion.

Tixy

Even if they are struggling to understand what debt maybe you can try to explain in simple terms that you don't have very much money at the moment and need to be careful with what you are spending and treats of new 'things' will have to be stopped.

Perhaps at the same time you can come up with a list of new free treats instead - such as playing in the park? Being allowed to watch a favourite DVD, baking a cake with mummy, or a trip to the library to borrow new books etc.

Keeping_Positive

Ditto above

best to be open and honest. I am open with what I have and what we can spend. Not saying Im perfect but the kids have accepted they I do have to say no.

For example we went to Xfactor on Sat as part of their Xmas pressie. They wanted to spend extra on merchandice so I let them know how much the tickets had cost and asked how much extra they wanted/expected the youngest (8 1/2) just said not much then! No more pressure to buy anything extra.

The other thing is for them to control their own spending money if and when allowed. Your son sounds like he has the right idea already.

HappyMJ

Why are you going to town every Saturday? If it's for groceries then do it online. Actually pretty much anything can now be done online. It prevents a lot of this impulse buying. I virtually never go to town and the last time I went was to deposit a handful of cheques that I didn't want to trust to the postal network. It cost me a lunch didn't it. Only £4 for the lunch and also £2.50 for the bus fare so I now try and only deposit cheques once per month and avoid shopping wherever possible.

cleggie

Happy MJ- Saturday is normally the day i take money out of the bank to get my weeks food/household stuff money. But thinking about it...i guess i could just use the cash machine at the supermarket! Although the poundshop and the savers shops are in town so would still have to go in a few times a month.
OMG...not going into town for weeks sounds a bit ...well, odd!!

GEEGEE8

They won't be moaning for a new jumper or book if they are on a woodland walk or at the park playing with mum.

I was brought up in a well off household, and I have to say I would have much rather spent quality time with my parents rather than the money spent.

I used to go horseriding with my sister on a Saturday, either mum or dad would take us, didn't matter who took us they would sort us out with the riding school and then sit in the car until we had finished. I would have loved them to have watched me each week instead of sitting in the car.

So, think of things where money doesn't even enter their heads