Wants to treat her ...... But

Muscle750

I'm working all the hours I can to pay bills and keep afloat last month at the end there was £3 left apart from been pretty fed up with having no money for myself whatsoever now my wife who I have tried to talk to but it just doesn't sink in is starting on about holidays and someone she works with her husband surprised her and is taking her to Rome for the weekend and it would be nice if I did something like that ...... Yes it would just cant afford it end of I've even sold some stuff which really did upset me after I worked and saved up for years ago I know I'm gonna get eaten on here but I'm just feeling that Low and fed up and in a no win situation because if I turned round and said there's no money to pay x bill I'd be eaten alive
she works and contributes towards the bills we've been invited to a wedding later in the year and have been pre booked a room at the hotel by the brides parents who I hasten to add are millionaires beyond any doubt and I really don't know how we are going to find the money to pay for it
I keep telling myself it will get better but I'm no better off now than I was three years ago we have a nice house etc but I would just like some breathing space:(

victory

Have you showed your wife all your outgoings. Does she know you had £3 left?

warwicktiger

Stick to your guns, show her the bills and household budget and explain that you (both of you) simply cannot afford these nice little extras. Does/could she work too?

Alikay

Oh dear...there's always someone whose OH specialises in big romantic gestures isn't there? And always at the point when you're fed up and skint, and even a takeaway and DVD night seems out of reach!

I think with women, it's the surprise, and idea that he's thought and planned that's important though, so even though tickets to Rome may be out of the question, could you still plan a little treat? Maybe something like a nice walk in the countryside with a flask of soup, or a visit to a museum or gallery followed by a picnic on a bench by the river....whatever you're both into, really.

whitewing

I do the budgeting in our house and sometimes I feel that husband has a never-ending list of wants, and I'd love to sort all of them for him. But he actually doesn't mean that he desperately needs all of them and he resents me for not building them into the budget. Try and ensure your sadness at not being able to afford some things isn't making you into an impossibly grumpy !!!!!!.

When you are at work are you inaccessible to her? When my DH is in one of his jobs, I can't call him unless it's an emergency. I can text him though he can't reply, so I text him through the day about what we're doing. Nothing at all exciting but it keeps the connection and he knows about what is going on in the family ie I expect him to care about and remember the content of the texts. Maybe your wife isn't going on about unaffordable holidays so much as spending time with you and enjoying it.

podperson

Is she aware of how tight the budget is? Have you sat down and gone through things with her? If she's also working and 'contributing' does she have money spare to spend on herself? Is so then perhaps she's unaware of how skint you are.

Is there anything you could do together to try and reduce your outgoings, eg have you shopped around for your ultities, could you reduce your grocery bills? For example, if she's not aware that you only had £3 last month she could be buying top brand 'easy' foods all the time whereas it might not be too much of a hardship to swop to budget brands and cook more from scratch if the upside of that is that you have a bit spare to go out once in a while.

Mojisola

whitewing wrote: »

When you are at work are you inaccessible to her? When my DH is in one of his jobs, I can't call him unless it's an emergency. I can text him though he can't reply, so I text him through the day about what we're doing.

Nothing at all exciting but it keeps the connection and he knows about what is going on in the family ie I expect him to care about and remember the content of the texts.

No offence meant and each to his own but I couldn't cope with this. It would feel like I had a stalker who gave me an exam at the end of each day!:rotfl:

I find it quite easy to have a few hours away from my OH. We talk about what's happened in the day when we meet up.

FBaby

The only way to avoid resentment on both sides is to manage your budget and spend together. Is it a case that she doesn't have a clue of what your outgoings are and what's left once all is paid, or is it a case that she does, but has buried her head in the sand and thinks that you should get into debts so you could treat her?

If she is so desperate for a treat that she would be prepared to consider getting into debts, then you need to discuss why. If holidays means so much to her, what changes could you make in your life so you could afford it.

If it is a case that she doesn't have a clue, than it is time to let pay the bills with you and see what comes in and out!

alias*alibi

You need to be honest with her. It does suck when you see other OH's doing romantic gestures or friends always jetting off to here, there and everywhere. As depressing and soul destroying as it is you've got to realise you have limitations.

At least you have a house; me and DH are both working full time to pay someone else's mortgage for them. Now THAT eats away at me like you wouldn't believe!

whitewing

Mojisola wrote: »

No offence meant and each to his own but I couldn't cope with this. It would feel like I had a stalker who gave me an exam at the end of each day!:rotfl:

It's nothing like you're imagining. It's just a continuation of our day to day conversation.

Sommer43

My husband is always want, want, want... However, I made him sit down with the bank. He knew the score when I threatened him with the spare room for a month. (That's my office and his sheets would have been printed bank statements with the bills highlighted) he soon got the message. I am the only earner, my hubbie has DLA. I don't go out, I don't drink. Of course it would be lovely to jet off for delicious city breaks. I am self-employed and if I only a £100 one week, it is pretty tight. But we do the sensible thing, we have our freezer stocked on a good week and we go out to the pictures if we can afford to. We have fun in whatever we do, walking the dog, sitting in the park and people watching. We play scrabble at home and we talk about politics and current affairs till we are blue in the face.

OP, I think you need to communicate with your wife. If you can't afford to jet her off to see Rome, then take her for a stroll in the park. Make her laugh. Keeping up with the Jones' is never a good way to live.

Only problem now I have now is: 'Darling, what is this £3.78 coming out of the bank today? Why was I charged in 2009 when I had £500 in the bank?' I got what I wanted and now he drives me potty.

As for your hotel at the wedding, if you cannot afford to go, then you cannot afford to go. But talk to your wife and you can put a little bit of money aside for that, even if it is only £3 a month. You should talk to your wife. She deserves to know how you're feeling and you deserve your wife to share the burden with you.