oh my life...... Light Bulb moment.

Magpie100

Hi MiMi,

how are you getting on? I've been away for a few days and although I had Wifi I was very lazy and detoxing my mind from everything!

I was so glad to read that you are less tearful and you do sound more in control. I know this month will require juggling and vigilance from you and it is mentally taxing - but hopefully if you can get through it and then get on a tight but do-able budget you will feel more in control. I have 6 days till pay day and it is going to be very tight but I do make far more focussed decisions in the last few days of the pay month.

I agree both with the posters who say be kind with yourself but also with your own recognition that you HAVE to be tough with yourself when it comes to money. Be kind about not berating yourself for being in this position, because what's done is done, but be tough with the decisions you are making for the future and for your budget at the moment. I think the Pizza Express experience shows your mindset is changing - when you aren't focussed on money it is easy to let these little things slide, but even if you didn't challenge them on it it is good that you noticed and were irritated by the overspend!

Let us know how you are getting on when you can and what challenges the month throws up. People here are great at finding a way round anything that suddenly rears its head on the money front so do ask for help if you need it. Hope you are continuing to heal well. M100X

MiMi66

Hi Magpie100

Arghhhhh is how I am. I am so happy to log on and see everyone's and your kind words.

I have been doing pretty well - everything contained just about until today when I have had two unfortunate things happen that just have made me feel undone - this is on the back of doing my winter wood order £150 cash for Wednesday. The two small this that reduced me to tears of anger and self pity are (the first one is bordering on ridiculous so get ready to roll eyes):
Went to do small weekend shop in local Co-op. I get a discount as my son works there on Saturdays. I spent £20.19, and at the counter realised that I have forgotten my discount and membership card. Loss of £2.19 discount. Was very annoyed with myself walking home.
Prior to going the Coop I had walked to the vets to pick up cat flea and worm medicines and then walked into town to get cheap batteries (saved fuel - walking and good for health etc) and did not want to carry anything heavy so I put my cash £15 and debit card in my pocket and coins in a tiny purse (£4.20) and off I went. Wandered in town, went to Poundland and paid for batteries with coins, browsed in book shop and chatted to store staff I get on with, went and looked at TK Maxx and bought nothing (yay!) and then went to River Island to get ideas for son for Christmas / birthday. Bought nothing as planned. At some point in town (I can't remember where exactly, I became aware of the debit card creeping up out of my jeans pocket, so I went to secure it and it fell to the ground. I picked it up and put it in the bag with batteries from Poundland. Then walked to Co-op where I bought the few things needed and realising I needed to use my debit card as £15 didn't cover it and then realising I had forgot the store membership card. Cross self paid with debit card miserable about lost discount and THEN as I walked out the store I realised.....'where is my £15 cash!?' Arghhhhhh. I have lost in on my meandering. It must have slipped up out of jeans pocket and fallen to the ground without my being aware. There is a slim chance this happened at the vets so I will call them tomorrow and see.

I feel so stupid!! I have been penny pinching so well, and while I ended up using my cc to pay for my son's birthday gift it is planned (cash aside for this but wanted the protection that buying on cc gives). But the day to day costs I have been bloody brilliant with - but there is no slack so £15 is half a weeks food at the moment and I feel so exasperated with myself. And angry. Why didn't I take my wallet ? (It weighs a tonne) I was intent on not stressing my pelvis by too much weight so I did a stupidly casual this and put the money in a pocket. Not a safe thing to do with cash! Arghhhh. Crossness in me almost immediately transforms into tears which my poor son is quite bewildered by. 'Stop thinking about it Mum' which is good advice. But another her lesson learned. That heavens it wasn't more than that amount.

So lessons are - while using cash has helped me get in touch with the realness of spending, unless it is very secure, take a card.
I have been so focused in saving and debt paying which is good, but I don't want to have this emotional response to small losses. Need to strike a balance.
Buy a light weight wallet when I can.

Arghhhhhh!!!

So enough about me.

I'm glad you had a good time away Magpie and got time out and detoxed from everything. Very important isn't it.

And Foxgloves! I too had the varifocal heart attack two months ago. Mine went on cc but paid off in full - but they make a fortune out of our wonky eyes. Mine were £499. Trying to find a frame that fitted the varifocals and my not a gargoyle head was fun. I have a little head.... now I sound weird.
I love the ideas you share for batch cooking and ways to keep focused. I too have a cardigan on the go for a knitting project. Won't do it tonight as I am definitely too bad tempered to do it without mucking up the pattern. And I agree with you and Hairy hands (small headed not a gargoyle and hairy hands. What an image?!) - solvency is the goal I have and while it's a long path for me, it outweighs small spending pleasures by a long shot. And most of my debt has been small spending pleasures.

Having said all that, I do want a nest egg to grow alongside repaying the debts - I want to go volunteering overseas and I want to see my brother in Australia for his 60th next October. I have been utterly blessed in that a good friend in Australia has insisted and put the money into my Australian bank account, that she wants to pay for my flights - so I have places to stay and flights covered so it'll be saving for additional spending money and the cattery for my fur babies. These two goals can only happen if I do it by cash, so saving and debt repayment give a massive focus and goals for me. Solvency, family contact (not seen my brother since 2010) and doing something like volunteering to open up other opportunities to help me deal with empty nest when that happens next year. That's the plan.

£700 off debt each month and squirrel everything else I can away. Not in my bl.... pockets.

Need to eat and maybe rummage through last years Christmas drinks for a little of something nice. And a movie. Not thinking about £15 anymore. Grumble grumble grumble.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I've been there Mimi so I understand how losing cash can make you tearful when you're trying so hard to save.

Once I went to an appointment and they'd got in a muddle and asked if I could come another day, and I burst into tears because I had wasted £2 bus fare They were so taken aback that they said I could see someone straight away

Life can be hard on the debt free road but in the long term there are massive rewards

Look in charity shops for a lighter wallet, I've seen some nice ones in there. Would a light rucksack be something you could carry on a long walk to keep your stuff safe?

Magpie100

ARGH on your behalf, MiMi! How frustrating. I expect it is the universe just testing your resolve and making sure you are committed to this debt-busting lark.

BUT. There are some positives. You were annoyed (rightly) about missing out on the discount. So next time you'll hopefully remember your card. and even when you realised you had lost the £15 you didn't go and blow more ££ on a coffee and cake or similar to cheer yourself up. You gritted your teeth and got on with life. Your emotional response isn't surprising, to be honest - now you are focussing on every penny they all seem more meaningful. I know it's a blow, but it shows your thinking has changed. AND you didn't buy anything in the hall of temptation that is TKMaxx. So now the universe knows you mean BUSINESS.

I like your Australia and volunteering goals very much. Once you have got in to the swing of living on your DMP-lite budget perhaps we'll be able to find ways for you to refine it even further so you can start saving money towards them, too. Hope you have a good Sunday and don't dwell on the lost ££ any more. You didn't let it derail you and now you can move on. M100X

foxgloves

Hi Mimi,
Oh how very annoying about losing that money. I'd have been so mad! I can't guarantee I wouldn't have headed straight for the nearest coffee shop to sink my woes in a big cup of something nicely caffienated & a whopper of a cakey, so well done for not going down that route!
I am running a tight budget this month, not helped by the naughty new glasses & I do know what you mean about feeling anxious on those occasions when you do, genuinely, have to spend some money. Last night, I had a very vivid dream that we ordered a new washing machine & when we unpacked it, it was one of those large plastic laundry liquid detergent bottles with a motor fitted. I spent most of the dream trying my hardest to do the washing in it, but try as I might, I could only fit one pair of mr f's pants & 2 of my socks in. I switched it on & surveyed the enormous pile of laundry on the floor trying to work out how many loads it was going to take to get it all done. On waking up. I lay there thinking about this, & I'm sure it's money-related somehow! We did have to replace our very old washing machine this summer & it was the start of a run of things breaking down, needing repair.......& the associated expense, culminating in my new glasses.......hope they actually ARE the culmination, as I want to get everything straight so as to pay for some essential changes to our wills which I'm fretting about, as well as building up funds which were depleted by the above necessary spends.
Am still feeling focused though. Our budget for groceries this week was £53 (me, big hungry husband & large greedy cat) & we spent £43.53.......that was £39.03 at Aldi & £4.50 on a jar of local honey at our village farm shop. Have updated grocery budget & sorted out all outstanding little budget swaps & stuff to keep everything straight. Have also had a thorough sort through my big presents box & made a better list of Christmas gifts I've already bought for people (I put things away all year to spread the cost) and have made a list of those items still to buy. Some of these items are quite small & nothing all that expensive. That will just leave gifts for mr f & I am going to talk to him about that & agree on a spending limit for gifts to each other. I will leave plenty of time for researching prices too as last year, there was a fairly straightforward DVD on his wish list & I found a difference of £16 on the best & worst prices for it....that's just on one item, so will use my current burst of motivation concerning all things money saving & give myself time to do the price checking.
It's good to have a long term goal.....your Australia/volunteering goal will probably be a good motivator for you over the coming months. I don't really have that kind of goal in mind, I just want better financial security but in future, when we can access our pensions, we would really love to move near to the sea, have a county & area in mind & even though it's a more expensive area of the country than we currently live in, it isn't outside the realms of possibility as long as we are sensible with our finances between now & then..........we are nowhere near our pensions yet, so plenty of time to try & keep saving, but we are reliant on the public sector for our income & have already been hit hard by the 'austerity' agenda, so we are keeping it real in terms of expectations. It does help to have a lovely goal in mind, though, doesn't it?
Well, I must crack on with some more knitting for my sales basket now, so will wish you a fabulously sensible money-saving week ahead.
F x

117pauline

Have you ever noticed how similar we all are? I too have forgotten a card or dropped money in the past, usually when I wasn't feeling great. It is demotivating as well.

However your body will still be recovering from the stresses it has undergone recently.

I can't remember if I suggested a self care list to you. When things are not going my way I forget what helps me back on to an even keel. The list prompts me. It is full of cheap/no cost ideas such as a bath and music, read a chapter of Jane Austen book, etc etc.

Have a better week
Pauline

MiMi66

I think I have the loveliest, kindest and most pragmatic thread subscribers an indebted woman could ask for. Thank you all again for the support. I am over my hissy fit about the loss of cash and keeping focused. Plotting how to pay for Christmas and setting modest plans around that. Clothes for lovely son, beauty care box for best friend (others will be possibly in receipt of homemade fare but I must practice as this could backfire!). I need to think for my daughter, clothes maybe but she is notoriously difficult to get that right for. And then my Mum. Another tricky one. And that is it. The few others will be card, wine and hopefully good biscuits or homemade truffles! Yum. It will be fab to not have a Christmas induced Credit Card balance that I need to transfer and all being as planned that is not going to happen!

One thing I had forgotten is that beyond the open day in London, my son and I are going to one in Oxford - fuel, food and and overnight stay. Early November - hmmmmmm. Grumble, good stuff but more cash need. Will look to cover that out of next month's budget but might need to book a room earlier - any cheap recommendation for accommodation in Oxford near Oxford Brookes University?

Was thinking about my monthly payment countdown. 54 now soon to be 53 months to freedom! It'll be nice to get to 49! I didn't transfer any balances as yet as I've been reassured that the offers are still coming in. Fingers crossed for a good offer in the new year to do the transfer that I will need to move then.

I'm back in the garage this morning clearing space for wednesdays wood delivery and likely taking stuff to charity that hasn't sold - not sure how long to keep my stuff for on Facebook sales etc, haven't had a sale for a week despite dropping prices. Have a sky box, soon to be 2 of them for sale and some god curling tongs (will keep them if they don't sell and try another time.) a fish tank and a few smaller items. I still have drawers of memorabilia to sort and reduce. Hard to do that one.

And then an overtime shift this afternoon. Love them, love the money. I am the happiest overtime worker I know. Just so grateful I can get the odd extra shift.

Have a lovely start to savings this week all!

HairyHandofDartmoor

Aww thank you. Hope your'e having a good day today Mimi. Glad you're feeling more cheerful

Magpie100

MiMi!

what news? How are you getting on? christmas? Budgets? Lodgers? Overtime? Would be lovely to hear how you are getting on and to see what challenges the universe has sent you.

Mags100X

MiMi66

Hi Magpie....so sorry I have been incognito for the last week - a mixture of overtime and son's birthday and stumbling through life!

So overtime is coming in at present - and next month that will come through in my pay - whew... I shall be able to have the nest egg fattened and be able to really consider if I can do the volunteering trip I had booked. That is in march - I paid the deposit and flights back in the summer before my total financial meltdown (actually in cash), so it is the balance of that trip that needs to be covered and is the bit I am uncertain I can raise - if nothing else goes wrong I would able to do it and keep up my planned CC repayments, but if something else as yet unidentified (unidentified financial pothole - UFP) happens I do have the option of changing the dates, and re-booking the flights though with a fee of £150 on the flight change so really trying to avoid that. We'll see - I have til the end of December to change the date and that is when the total is due. Sorry - got derailed on how I am going to spend my as yet to be gathered nest egg....la la land maybe but it helps to have a goal.

No lodger news and it is because the hospital rotation doesn't start until December/Jan so unlikely to hear before then. I have looked at ads for people looking locally from the community and that would be my second choice after a hospital worker who might go home at weekends :-)
The overtime is giving me a little cushion to have that choice to delay tilt he right person comes in.

CC Debt - stable and looking forward to next week when it is payday and they cycle starts again - moving from 54 payments to 53....ridiculous about how exciting that is... so looking forward to getting to 49 and under!

Using CC - hmmmmmmm - it has come into play but nothing daft in terms of expenditure and all will be covered with my pay - which will eave me with enough to pay cc payments, food and fuel, trip to Oxford for son's uni visit (paid in cash for room at Premier Inn already), and the usual DD's. And about £65 to savings pot which in my multiple little pots is at about £440, so will take that to over £500 - whew whew whew. This is made up of a bit of birthday money (£50) and the rest is sales and my coin jar ( I emptied it to gt all the old £1 coins to the bank before the deadline) :-)

Christmas - so that is part of the planned spend on the using CC - bought some clothes for my son and have put them away, a gift for a friend some pre-orders off Amazon will go through in late October/November. So that will be paid next week on Friday. The rest of Christmas will be covered by a lump of overtime payment in late November - so I am juggling in order to get shopping done, but not exceed my known pay coming in this and next month - dicey but working so far.

In terms of getting it wrong - no small spends - been brilliant at that - not dribbling of cash out, BUT I had a hernia at the supermarket and ended up having to use the CC as I had overspent. This really does seem to be my weak area. I have had notice from Monzo that my card is ready but I have to supply a passport photo and a small video to prove my identity, and then they will dispense the card. I have to do an initial top up of £100 before Friday to get this as they are stopping the card production and going to a current account format. I think I will do the card, set that up today as it is worth a try to see if that helps me with my grocery budgeting.

It is my Achilles heel. Nice foodie bit. I don't drink or smoke, and I don't eat processed food and food prices are rising - but I need to get a grip of this as it will be my undoing.

I have managed to squirrel away money to cover the trip to London tomorrow - it's my wood money - as the wood delivery man did not turn up! Twice! I took had two days off work and he didn't show so I cancelled - no apology from him. I said a few choice words and then thought 'oh well, that money will cover food and transport in London, and I can re-save the wood money - I have enough wood for a month or so if I am sensible.

I do feel like I am hanging in there by a thread. I think if I can keep this going for 6 months I will feel more confident about my prospects of being able to pay it all back and live a life, but there are variables that can scupper this - poor financial choices, not getting my job (ad going out very soon and I have to reapply - ahhhh - feel sick thinking about it) - I will know by Christmas at least. The tally of payment months helps in a way - and I am utterly determined to not add to that overall debt in any way - getting to under £30 000 is a significant milestone and it feels possible for Spring/Summer next year to make that dent.

The thing I am finding exhausting is the constant thinking about money and debt and managing spends and how to make money stretch or what can I pay now and what can be delayed....endless..... exhausting.

I hope everyone else's journeys are going in the right direction :-)