What do you expect your child to gain from their school?

gingin_2

Genuine question.

I'm becoming more and more disillusioned with dd's school. My son went right the way through from reception there and I was always happy with it. The last 3 or so years, since there has been a new Head, I feel that the warmth and care that was there has gone. I never thought that DD wouldn't go the whole way through the school but I am days away from pulling the trigger and putting her name down for a very good school with a fantastic ofsted and brilliant reputation.

There is a whole new staff, only a handful are left since my son was there. The teachers seem stern, shouting and belittling seems acceptable. There is no laughter, the kids plod along, I have heard of no one saying they are happy. DD has stand in teachers at least 2 days a week because her main teacher is off on a course regularly. There are no lunch time clubs, no after school clubs, there is no book week, no dressing up for comic relief.

I help out in the class and on trips when I can, mostly to help but also it provides an insight into what is going on. I don't like what I see, I don't strongly dislike it either, but it just leaves me feeling flat and DD is flat too. She friends but there is also bullying too. A strong criticism in the Ofsted was of the way bullying was dealt with, I heard of complaints through the playground chat but was surprised to see it written down. DD had huge problems last term, one nasty girl in particular who I spoke to the teacher about who did have a word with her and now ignores my daughter but also tries to alienate her in group activities but that seems better than before, so we have left it. I'm not the only parent to complain.

My daughter is also a good child, I feel that she gets completely overlooked because of this, she is quiet ( too quiet), she was placed between the two most disruptive boys in the class I feel because the teacher felt that by putting the good quiet girl between the two it would be easier, without giving a second of consideration to my daughter. That small incident just sums up how I see it as whole.

I could go on and on so much more but my question is when you send you children off to school what do you expect them to gain from it? Do you expect them to be treated as individuals, to be nurtured, to learn in a positive environment and where they can socialise too. Or am I just expecting too much?

pulliptears

Your situation sounds similar to mine, DS went to a local catholic school. It was fantastic, the head was wonderful and ran it with gusto. The atmosphere was one of a settled school with happy staff and happy children. It did well academically and DS was extremely happy.

When DD started at the same school the head left (Not connected I add hehe) and the then Deputy became the head. The change happened overnight. Staff began to leave and were replaced with very different teachers or replaced with Teaching assistants. The school had been quite strict on admittance but suddenly opened its doors to others, which led to an influx of children and class sizes increasing. Bullying, which hadn't existed before became quite common and one child in particular (one of the new children) was ferral and got away with it.

DD seemed unhappy, when she moved up a year into the class of the deputy head this seemed to get worse. One morning I caught her smuggling reading books into her bag so we had a chat. She told me she was bored, I asked why she wasn't getting more work and it transpired that the Deputy Head was spending so much time doing the heads job that the teaching assistant was teaching them full time and not doing a very good job of it. I questioned the school over it and they admitted there were 'issues'.
In the meantime ferral child continued to be ferral.

One morning I decided I'd had enough, I kept her off school, we had a look around other local schools and found a place at a lovely village school with only 100 pupils. She started the next morning. It transpired she was almost a year behind in maths, with effort she caught up but moving her was the best thing I ever did. She became a settled, happy child again with no need to alleviate her boredom in class.

As for ferral child.....on the morning I went in to the school to inform them DD was leaving. Head never bothered to come out and left it to the secretary to deal with. As I stood in reception ferral child's mother came in spoke to Secretary and said "Here's this weeks donation for the school fund". I was stunned to see her handing over notes, there must have been £50 or more. Suddenly it became strikingly clear why ferral child remained in the school....

I expect my child to be happy, taught by qualified staff,certainly not bored, not afraid of her classmates and for her talents to be nurtured and it took changing schools to achieve that. I have no regrets and she says now (She's 15 now) it was the best thing that we ever did.

Mojisola

gingin wrote: »

Do you expect them to be treated as individuals, to be nurtured, to learn in a positive environment and where they can socialise too. Or am I just expecting too much?

No, you're not. And if you look through the school's policy documents you'll find that that's what it says there, too.

If the school isn't providing the right environment, find a new one.

balletshoes

I'm sorry to hear your concerns gingin.

To answer your question first, I expect my child to be treated with respect (and for her to respect those around her, including the staff). I expect the classroom to be a place where she can learn in a conducive atmosphere. Some teachers my DD has had in primary school have been fun, some have been strict. She's been in split classes, and she's had regular days of the school week where her main teacher is not there, so she had a stand-in teacher. Apart from one year where she started off a bit wobbly (with a split class and a strict teacher combination) she's always been content to go to school, and I've always been happy with her progress.

I expect bullying to be taken seriously, and I expect the school to listen to any concerns I may have (having a bit of an issue with this at secondary school to be honest, still trying to work out the best way of communicating and getting resolution from the right person). I found at least at primary school it was easy to speak to someone and set up meetings etc with teacher.

You have been involved in class and on trips, through your son and now your daughter's time at primary school. If you don't like what you see, and you don't see it improving, and its affecting your daughter's education, then I say move her.

Is the Head/your daughter's class teacher aware of how you feel and aware that you may wish to move her away from this school?

pulliptears

Certainly in my situation I knew she was unsettled, but the fear of moving schools and unsettling her further outweighed it.

I didn't expect when I mentioned changing schools for her to be so very keen on the idea, and the fact that she was eager reinforced my decision really. We toured a few schools to see which she was the most comfortable with and she was so happy at the little village school from the moment she walked through the door we knew that was the place. She was 8 at the time.

I worried so much that she was leaving her old friends etc but the new school was so friendly and welcoming that she didn't miss any of them and came home raving about all her new friends.

It was a stressful time for me I think, but for DD it was the end of her stress and the start of a much more settled primary life.

Speak to DD over a game of something, they talk much more honestly when distracted.
And good luck
x

z.n

You're not happy, DD isn't happy. So long as you do your homework and don't jump from frying pan to fire I would say move schools. It is always a bit of a leap of faith as there is only so much one can see about a school from the outside but it does sound as if you don't have too much to lose. We moved a very unhappy DS in primary school to find the right fit- got it in Year 4 and he just took off. It was like having a different child. No more tears after school, no more agonising worry about tackling the latest bullying incident, and his schoolwork improved astronomically. It was awkward for me with parents at the old school but absolutely the right thing for DS.

z.n

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susancs

As a parent I would not be happy with the school you describe and I could not see my children being happy in such an environment. I expect professionals in school to model respectful behaviour to children and shouting and belittling children is not acceptable. I would expect teachers to have suitable behaviour management training and strategies in place to ensure they do use the shouting and belittling as behaviour managment tools. There is a ten year research study involving a large sample of schools by the Colarado Trust that shows when teachers demonstrate respectful behaviour towards children (and other adults) bullying is significantly reduced and school academic results went up. I personally don't mind strict or stern teachers as long as they treat children fairly and model and expect respectful behaviour. Both my children have had some teachers they adored and were great fun and and some who are very strict with very high standards, but as their feedback was always constructive and fair, my children felt the teacher had their best interests at heart. They actually did particularly well in terms of academic learning with the strict teachers as the class settled down to lessons very quickly and got so much work done.

It does sound like maybe the new Head Teacher has not got the high standards of the previous head and hence a lot of the previous teachers you found to be more professional have left. If the school got a recent proor OFSTED in regard to bullying they may be being monitored and if standards do not improve, you may find a new Head in the school and things might change very quickly with present teachers being given appropriate training and regular monitoring that may enable them to improve their performance in regard to pupil behaviour managment techniques.

In regard to lunchtime and after school clubs a lot of schools or organisations can no longer obtain extra funding to provide these at a reasonable cost to parents. Some schools are fortunate enough to have parents who have a qualification and insurance that allows them to teach a sport and they may run clubs after school, but of course this may be of short duration as the parent may change working hours or find they have other committments.

gingin_2

balletshoes wrote: »

Is the Head/your daughter's class teacher aware of how you feel and aware that you may wish to move her away from this school?

No and I've just had this exact conversation with my husband. I feel some loyalty to the school, I've been there virtually every day since 2004, I've had lots of great times, it's a place that socially I enjoy going to each day, it did so well by my son that I am stunned that I feel it is failing my daughter. So OH thinks it's not necessary to say anything and I tend to agree because that's the easy option but I am prepared to take advice on here if anyone thinks I should.

I did say to my husband whether I should sit down with the head and be frank but I'm not sure what that will achieve. I'm not a confrontational person, I know I can sit there and put my case across but really it come down to so many small niggly things that I could give him a list of about 20 issues and still not be finished and ten of them are probably related to the Head himself. Also I am not sure I want to be persuaded to stay. I know they will lose budget if leaves and it is already underfunded due to being a small school and class sizes not being filled ( I think there are currently 26 in DD's class).

gingin_2

pulliptears wrote: »

Certainly in my situation I knew she was unsettled, but the fear of moving schools and unsettling her further outweighed it.

I didn't expect when I mentioned changing schools for her to be so very keen on the idea, and the fact that she was eager reinforced my decision really. We toured a few schools to see which she was the most comfortable with and she was so happy at the little village school from the moment she walked through the door we knew that was the place. She was 8 at the time.

I worried so much that she was leaving her old friends etc but the new school was so friendly and welcoming that she didn't miss any of them and came home raving about all her new friends.

It was a stressful time for me I think, but for DD it was the end of her stress and the start of a much more settled primary life.

Speak to DD over a game of something, they talk much more honestly when distracted.
And good luck
x

Thank you, we live in a very transient city, I would say each year there might be 3 new children per year, so for my daughter she is used to seeing children coming and going and is quite excited at the thought of being the new girl. She has one friend who also moved schools for similar reasons at this new school and the catchments are tiny so everyone lives within walking distance from both schools. We wouldn't be moving so she can keep in touch with her old friends and they will all meet up at High School (including the bullies pfft)anyway as both schools are feeder schools for the really excellent High School that we have.

Writing this down is very helpful!

gingin_2

z.n wrote: »

You're not happy, DD isn't happy. So long as you do your homework and don't jump from frying pan to fire I would say move schools. It is always a bit of a leap of faith as there is only so much one can see about a school from the outside but it does sound as if you don't have too much to lose. We moved a very unhappy DS in primary school to find the right fit- got it in Year 4 and he just took off. It was like having a different child. No more tears after school, no more agonising worry about tackling the latest bullying incident, and his schoolwork improved astronomically. It was awkward for me with parents at the old school but absolutely the right thing for DS.

That's the year my daughter is. That's good to know and I am glad it worked out. I am seeing her confidence being chipped away and it's unsettling, I think this is the right year to takle it to allow her to establish new friendships before High School. I randomly met a parent of a child at the new school whilst playing in the snow and she couldn't stop singing it's praises. I wouldn't know who she is though, despite talking to her for a good half an hour, as we were both bundled up like yeti's and talking over a bush

I have already discussed it with a few school mum friends and I really don't feel awkward about it, there might be a small exodus as I know a few others are thinking of taking their children out, too.