Trying for a Baby Part 9

Birdie85

fluffnutter wrote: »

I read a really good article about this fertility thing which focused on the part that men play in all this. Rather than castigate 'career women' for wanting to 'have it all' and leaving it too late out of selfishness, let's look at the role that men play in female fertility. Many women spend their 20s and 30s with a partner who drags his heels about babies. If you don't want kids, that's fine but be up front about it. Don't leave some poor woman dangling wondering when you'll decide it's the right time all the while her fertile years are trickling away.

It got me thinking. Women can't win, can they? If they don't raise the conversation about having kids, they'll leave it too late. If they do, they're demanding and pushy.

Yes! It's really not so much a case of women having it all, but men! Couples used to get married and have lots of babies because that's what everyone did and there wasn't an awful lot of choice over timing etc and if you wanted to live together and have 'relations' you had to get married, so people did, and they did it whilst still young. Those little rules don't apply any more and we're made to feel bad for putting 'pressure' on our men when we want to make a comittment with regards to marriage and babies after being together for 5 years! When did men (in general, of course) turn into such committment-phobes when their own fathers wouldn't have acted in such a selfish way?! Women's Lib seems to have backfired on this point.

At least my ex broke up with me after we'd been together for a year as he was willing to admit that he would never want marriage and kids and it was pointless stringing me along when I so clearly wanted both. I apprectiate him for doing that and it made me wise to the fact that not all men would automatically fall in line with my life plan. I checked with OH after a few dates that he was interested in having a family, which he was, and we talked about it regularly so I knew he wasn't changing his mind and wasting my time.

It doesn't help that there's so much more for us to 'lose' when we have kids (travel, lifestyle, jobs etc) that people get selfish and want to carry on living a free life for as long as they can... and the years keep rolling round and nothing changes. We're kind of guilty for this as we put TTC on hold until we got back from our belated honeymoon... then we had a few months in the lead up to our holiday last year when we didn't try as hard as we should have because we didn't want to risk missing our holiday since it had cost so much... and so it goes on.

claire16c

angeltreats wrote: »

AFM... MEH again. i got a peak on the CBFM this morning which would be great except I thought I ovlulated two days ago. My temperatures are far higher than they normally would be pre-O. Not sure what to do about 21 day bloods now, do I go by the CBFM or by FF?

Id go by temps. Did you also get a positive opk?

Kynthia wrote: »

See if your temperature spikes between tomorrow and Sunday then you'll know your CBFM was correct in warning you of ov this weekend. Otherwise is there any chance of having 2 blood tests to cover the 2 possible 7dpo dates?

I agree.

angeltreats wrote: »

That's the problem, I thought it had already spiked! But I've had a funny month with interrupted sleep, cystitis and sleeping in hot rooms which can all send your temperature up so I really just don't know.

I doubt very much they'll let me have two blood tests, I'll probably have to go back next cycle and do the whole thing again.

Can you just ring up and say please can you schedule me for a blood test on this day and this day? The receptionists at mine just book what I ask for. I don't think you need to go into specifics.

Or book the blood test for 7 days from now, then if in 3 days you think actually youre ovulating now, cancel it and ask for it to be moved back a couple of days.

angeltreats

Claire I didn't really do normal opks this month, I just assumed the CBFM would be ok.

I might book the blood test for next Wednesday (7 days from when I think I ovulated) and see if they think I should go to the drop in clinic a few days later to repeat it, just in case.

firefly369

fluffnutter wrote: »

I read a really good article about this fertility thing which focused on the part that men play in all this. Rather than castigate 'career women' for wanting to 'have it all' and leaving it too late out of selfishness, let's look at the role that men play in female fertility. Many women spend their 20s and 30s with a partner who drags his heels about babies. If you don't want kids, that's fine but be up front about it. Don't leave some poor woman dangling wondering when you'll decide it's the right time all the while her fertile years are trickling away.

It got me thinking. Women can't win, can they? If they don't raise the conversation about having kids, they'll leave it too late. If they do, they're demanding and pushy.

A member of my family was in this situation. Married for 10+ years she begged her husband to start a family before it was too late but he was never ready. Eventually they split up over it. Cue him getting together with a women 10 years younger who gets pregnant immediately without even asking him if he wants kids. Now he has one toddler and another on the way and my cousin is left childless and no partner and the last of her fertile years ticking away.

Becca - Sorry to hear about you hand. Hope you have a speedyrecovery.

good_vibes

Hope your hand gets better soon Becca.
Am the same, had a 4 year relationship and ex didn't want kids. Then the ex after that all he wanted was kids and nothing else, but the whole thing didn't feel right at all. He would have been the wrong person for me to have kids. He had not even paid his taxes for 4 years, had the feeling I would never get the right support and responsibility, that childern need.
Just taken so long to find the right person, was never going to have kids with just anyone.

chelseablue

Hi All

Havnt posted in a while, but I read daily. Congrats on the BFPS :j

I have news! My first AF since stopping the pill in April arrived today!

Not going to start TTC until August, want to be able to try and find out when I ovulate. Im most excited that I can now start using the Fertility Friend app I downloaded ages ago. How sad am I?!

xx

codemonkey

fluffnutter wrote: »

I read a really good article about this fertility thing which focused on the part that men play in all this. Rather than castigate 'career women' for wanting to 'have it all' and leaving it too late out of selfishness, let's look at the role that men play in female fertility. Many women spend their 20s and 30s with a partner who drags his heels about babies. If you don't want kids, that's fine but be up front about it. Don't leave some poor woman dangling wondering when you'll decide it's the right time all the while her fertile years are trickling away.

It got me thinking. Women can't win, can they? If they don't raise the conversation about having kids, they'll leave it too late. If they do, they're demanding and pushy.

^^ this. We can't win. I spent my 20s dating unsuitable men who weren't interested in commitment. I had 2 long term relationships before I met DH - one before I was ready for commitment and marriage and hadn't finished education -off and on from 15 -22 and another with a man who I found out had cheated on me at least 3 times. Should I have had a baby with him? Maybe I should have 'tricked' one of the other guys I dated into impregnanting me while I was young and fertile but that's dishonest and I'd never do that (my ex's new girlfriend did that to him). Then I met DH when I was in my late 20s and needed some time to make sure he wanted what I wanted. Then we needed a place to live so deposit and househunting took 15 months from when we met. Then after we'd settled in he wanted to get married so another year. Then he said he wasn't ready and kept changing his mind. So it took a while to get going on that front. By which time I was in my 30s.

I could have done what a lot of people from school did and get pregnant in my teens but most of them have ended up living off the state and are now turning back to adult education. I wanted to be able to support myself independently before I became responsible for anyone else.

atton83

Thanks girls about the advice, I didnt put light flow as it so wasnt it was like 5 drops through the morn and then nothing till the night time, no pads were full but I did wear them as I wanted to be safe as thought the which would strike.

Got the Dr phoning me back as I don't want to take precious appointment time away from someone is sick I will be asking her if fsh n amh tsts have been done and how many tests i need to do till i get referred to a fertility specialist, am i too fat, have i got more chance of going through the menopause than getting a baby, will i be referred after 21 day bloods results get back to her as I really want a baby and I don't want it to be too late,

Cycles are normally 25 - 26 days long and I started spotting on cd24 :eek:

I just need to know there is some home and that its not too late for dh n I just to get one kid

Going back to lurking

ruth26

Firefly - woohoo! Many congratulations on the bfp. Hope this doesn't sound weird, but I had a good feeling about you this month. Wishing you a very happy and healthy 9 months.

Becca - good luck for your appointment today, really hope they don't fob you off and give you a proper plan of action. Ouch to the burnt fingers, hope they're not too bad.

Skaps - good luck for your scan today. Can't believe they're going to keep you waiting til September for the results though! Are you under a consultant or is it your GP sending you? I have a scan every 6 months and see my GP for the results followed by my consultant a few months later. GP sends the results on to the consultant and she writes to me to say if she's concerned about anything. If you're under a consultant, it might be worth giving their secretary a ring to see if you can get an earlier appointment/a cancellation at short notice.

ttc39 - hugs for cd1. Hope your blood test went ok and hope you got some milk. I'm a monster without my morning cuppa so feel your pain!

Samtoby - hugs for the funeral, hope it went as well as can be expected.

Not much going on here really. AF has left the building though, so looking forward to some bank holiday bd'ing (or should that be bonk holiday?). Think TTC is definitely getting to me a bit - someone asked me what the date was yesterday and I answered the 6th thinking of my cycle day... Hope everyone has a great weekend, would be so nice to actually see some sun for a change!

Birdie85

Bahahaha BONK holiday! :rotfl: