ive made such a mess of things

lilmissclass

Basically im pregnant, just found out. I met a guy things moved very fast and we werent as careful as we should have been. Its a very short relationship.

Anyway i am unsure whether to go it alone or take his offer of help, he has a lot of feelings for me, is a nice man, good morals, financially secure. I just dont feel the same way.
Do i stick it out for a while to see if my feelings towards him change or cut ties and go it alone.

Im in my 30's and have a 2yr old daughter who dotes on him and vice versa.

Im scared of trying it and then being left alone if he changes his mind and leaves, id be better of just doing it alone he can have access of course. but then my daughter will be hurt

Im also worried about the stigma of having 2 kids to two men it makes me look like a tramp and makes me think ill never find a man to marry settle down with in the future cos surely 2 kids will put him off.

its very early in the pregnancy and anything could go wrong but i couldnt abort or adopt ,they just arent options.

any advice anyone?

And trust me Ive already gave myself a hard time for getting into this situation in the first place.

Erinnire

If you do not feel the same way about him do not stay in a relationship for the sake of the baby it's not fair on any of you. Your daughter will soon adjust to him not being there she's only two.

Will he stick around and support you even if you do not stay together?

thehappybutterfly

Hmm, tricky one. Hats off to your bf for standing by you but you're right to be worried about the future. Not only that, but tying yourself to someone you're not 100% into in the hope that it'll all work out is never wise. You're still young and you deserve to be with someone you love to bits.

And there's nothing wrong with having two kids by two different men. It's very common these days so don't put yourself down about it. You're far from a 'tramp' What a quaint term!

Nobody here can tell you the right thing to do. Trust your instincts. You can have a relationship with this man as the father of your child but don't think to yourself 'well that's me and him together for the rest of our lives'.

Good luck.

guruchelles

I think you need to give yourself a break. It sounds like you are trying to map out and decide upon your entire future right now. Yes, you've found out some life-changing news, but it doesn't mean you need to know everything else about what's going to happen.

Take it easy and look after yourself and your daughter. You don't need to make this decision right now.

go_cat

Does he know about the pregnancy yet ?

Do you think things could work ?

If you were not pregnant would you have finished things .... This may give you an idea

You are not a tramp

lilmissclass

he knows and is fully standing by us. and i obviously had feelings for him once.

i dont know becuse the relationship is so new that we should almost forget the baby and spend time going on dates and getting to know each other and see how that goes.

even if we are seperated i think he would still be their to support us.

but the last poster is right if i hadnt found out about the baby i probably would have broken up with him

go_cat

lilmissclass wrote: »

but the last poster is right if i hadnt found out about the baby i probably would have broken up with him

You have said the relationship is new, why not see how it goes talk to him and give yourself no pressure. You are all over the place at the minute and probably not the best time to make fundamental decisions like this.

He sounds a decent bloke so tell him how you are feeling, maybe not the bit saying you would have finished things if it wasn't for the baby

marisco_2

lilmissclass wrote: »

Im also worried about the stigma of having 2 kids to two men it makes me look like a tramp and makes me think ill never find a man to marry settle down with in the future cos surely 2 kids will put him off.

I dont understand your post to be honest. If this relationship is so short lived and has moved really fast, then how come this new man already dotes on your two year old? It normally takes time for strangers to have feelings for a child they have no former link to. Surely he can have had barely any contact with her yet, as it comes across you two barely know each other.

That really raises concerns about him in my eyes straight away. A man you barely know, dont appear to have any real feelings for or trust to stay around for the long haul, has a close bond with your very young child and she feels the same way. Are you being serious?!

The part of your post I have quoted above disturbs me the most in all this. You have so little faith in how things will work out with this guy that you are already wondering if you will ever meet someone else who will take you and two kids on, marry you and settle down.

My advice is to start taking things much slower. Cut back on the contact this man has with your two year old and think through what is best for you and your child.

mountainofdebt

tbh if adoption or abortion aren't options then then what's the harm in letting the father be around for the baby?

Whether you finish with him or he finishes with you, you will always be linked now that there's a baby on the way so I don't see the issue tbh

FBaby

You need to separate what you want for you from the relationship, and what you want in terms of being part of a family. There are two separate issues.

My view is that you owe your children (especially the one on the way) to give it a try. Having a baby with him might bring feelings for him that you maybe wouldn't have without the baby, so there is always a chance that you do fall in love with him with time. At the same time, I would definitely not lead him on to believe that you are without doubts about the future. Don't use him to have the family you want making him believe that you love him if you don't yet. He also has the right to have a choice as to what to do.

Raksha

Don't forget your hormones are all overthe shop at the moment, every time I got pregnant I could easily have dumped my oh, I still have such feelings today, but when I'm not hormonal, I love him to bits