Hello - lurker finally plucked up courage!!

consumerpower

Debtfree

There probably wont be an easy time, but he probably knows something is up, he will support you I am sure, and so what if your relationship changes, at least it will be an honest relationship, cos its very hard work hiding it...? it can only get better from today I am sure, look how many there are of us, its just a mistake that's all we arent bad people!

Your my lightbulb twin, lets be very proud and grown up together!

debtfreeby40_3

bandraoi wrote: »

How long have you and your husband been together?
Are the children yours/his/both of yours?

Where has your money gone?
Who's been paying for holidays, kids clothes, kids toys, christmas?

What I'm getting at is maybe the problem is more to do with the fact that you're dividing up the bills in a way that makes you destined to be in debt and him with £20K of savings.

Hi
The kids are both of ours. I pay ALL childcare costs, have bought all toys and all clothes and all other child-related expenses apart from main food shop. Kids are 3 and 2 so at least they're not into really expensive stuff yet. However, I have got into the habit of organic, M&S etc for the boys which may have to stop (I pay for this)
OH pays food (apart from my top up shopping) and big spends like holiday and car-related stuff. The deal was that he would put money into savings each month as I had to cover kids. Nothing has gone into savings since Dec so obv I am having a bad influence.
He has argued in the past that he doesn't buy anything for he kids because I'm always doing it.

Just re-read this - how have we stayed together for ten years??

RAS

bandraoi wrote: »

What I'm getting at is maybe the problem is more to do with the fact that you're dividing up the bills in a way that makes you destined to be in debt and him with £20K of savings.

I second this. It may be that what was equitable before you had kids is no longer appropriate.

Do the snowball and work out how much your curent debt will cost in total. Then whack £15-20K into the highest cost debts and re-do the snowball.

How do he sums come out?

The loft may have to wait a while.

tanith

Hi and welcome ....... I just read your SOA and notice you pay your Mum for childcare...... if I were your Mum and you came and told me your story I would try my best to reduce the costs.... or do it for free for a while till you get a grip of your debt... I realise this might not be possible from what you say but maybe if you confided in her you would be surprised...... just a thought.... Keep posting you already sound so much more positive.....

bandraoi

I think you both need to do a joint SOA.
Go back over previous statements and work out what you've actually spent, then sit down together and work out a budget.

If you've been together 10 years and have children together, maybe it's time to have a joint account for everything with a small amount of discretionary spending in your individual accounts and savings in a separate joint account.

Shineyhappy

Hello and welcome!

Is there anything you can take back to get refunded on any cards? Any bank charges you can claim?

What about selling some of the kids old clothes or toys or anything of yours you dont want on Ebay or Amazon? I know it wont make a huge difference but even an extra couple of hundred will pay off some of the capital and help bring your debt free date that bit closer.

Big hug and best wishes!

sammy115

Joint finances are very difficult. i am in debt but it is all in my name and my OH doesn't know and if I have anything to do with it, won't ever know. He would FREAK!!! I am lucky in that I have managed to get my debt down from £25,000 last Dec to £12,000 now. What seemed an impossible task has somehow got more and more possible.

I notice on your SOA there is no mention of haircuts, clothes, socialising etc etc, so I would assume your spending on this stuff.....

Keep a spending diary and maybe a reworking of the joint finances!!

Shineyhappy

Also have you phoned the credit card companies and asked them to reduce your interest rates?

chevalier

You have had some very good advice here already. Have you checked that you are with the cheapest providers for electricity and gas? Might be worth switching. The same with insurances too. If you go via https://www.quidco.com you can get cash back on the new deals too
chev

debtfreeby40_3

Hi

Like a lot of people in debt, I only found out about the interest rates when I fished out latest statements to work out my total debt.

I was horrified at the Barclaycard (24.9%) rate. If I ring up will it alert them that I have a debt problem? Also, will it leave another footprint in my credit record?

If anyone knows, I'd be really grateful

Thanks to everyone who has replied - I never anticipated such a great response. To everyone who said I should involve my OH - I do agree. If he contributed an equal amount to my debt, I'd be debt-free in 22 months (down from 55)

I am going to work up the courage and do it on Monday because then we can both avoid each other at work for the rest of the week. It's good to know that there are so many MSEs to hold my hand. I any of you have a spare room, let me know cos my OH may be looking for somewhere else to live next week:o