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Hello - lurker finally plucked up courage!!

Hi all

I am so grateful for this site - it has been inspirational to see so many people just getting on and sorting themselves out.

Ever since my pocket money days, I have been a disaster with money. Here I am at 35, husband, two beautiful kids and about £50k in debt. I have well and truly had my light-bulb moment today. I called up the Nationwide to extend our mortgage (we are planning to convert the loft) and got told that the credit scoring had said we are 'over-committed'. I have to send 6 months of payslips, bank statements plus (the killer) a letter explaining how we have arrived at our financial situation. Somehow, I think 'because I'm crap with money' won't cut it!

My major problem is that my husband doesn't have a clue. I know there is another thread about this and I know that I really should 'fess up but if I can make some progress towards my debts in the next couple of months I may change my mind. I really can't do it at the moment (sorry)

MY SOA is as follows:
Income: 2950

Outgoings:
Contrib to mortgage / bills 750
Childcare 700 (complicated - I pay my mum to childmind and can't morally reduce pay or sack!)
Loan 430
Charity 20
TV 10
Travel(tube) 120
Overdraft 40
Total 2070

leaving £880 to put towards debt (husband covers all food shopping)

Debts

Loan LTSB 12,447.09 o/s 429.21 monthly until Sept 2009
Egg Card o/s 11,800 @ 17.9%
LTSB Card o/s 5700 @ 22%
M&S card o/s 5800 @ 16.9%
Barclaycard o/s 3900 @ 24.9%
PO Card o/s 2250 @14.9%
LTSB overdraft 3500

Total debt £45,397 :eek:

I earn a decent salary and snow-balling at £800 a month gives me a dfd of Dec 2012 although I hope it will be sooner as when the loan finishes I can put a bit more towards debt.

I am so mad at myself - have nothing to show for £50k - how stupid is that. Now I am determined that I will be debt free - just need a bit of moral support from you guys to keep me on the right track.

Thanks for taking the time to read this - it's very therapeutic to put it out there so to speak. Just need to be strong now.
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Comments

  • Hello,

    I just read your post, please read mine, called lightbulb moment, and I know excately how you feel, please please please, tell your husband, I finalyl told mine on Monday of this week, it is wednesday and we have pulled together, about ten boxes of tissues later! he has been wonderful, and I wish I had told him months ago, whatever you think it wont be 100th of a 1000th as bad, i was convince my husband was going to have my stuff packed and out of the door before I couldnt even say credit cards...

    I hope you get there, I am going to, I am to on my 30th birthday be completely debt free, cos I actually relised there is no way I can have a baby until I am!

    Big light bulb hug, it is so much harder hiding it than dealing with it..

    Kiss and hugs Jemma
  • nickelodeon
    nickelodeon Posts: 144 Forumite
    Hi and welcome to MSE, I know it is a bit daunting at first because it seems like everyone knows each other, but everyone is so friendly and supportive and you will get lots of help.
    I know it's hard, but I really think you should tell your husband, £800 is a good amount to put towards your debt each month, but it could be even more with both of you budgeting and having your loved ones support you while you are trying to deal with debts is so important.
    Debts in April 07 = £12,547.61 Debts in Aug 08 = £0
    I'm debt free! Woohoo!
    DFW Member # 476 Proud To Be Dealing With My Debts!
  • Hi debtfreeby40,

    And welcome to mse:hello: hey you don't have to be sorry, mad, ashamed ......whatever. These boards are a source of inspiration to us all, and we welcome new mser's daily.

    None of us are here to judge anyone, we have all been where you are and gotten the tshirt, so chin up..... you have just made the biggest step by coming on here! Stay with us, and we'll help you every step of the way:T

    Hugs
    x
  • *zippy*
    *zippy* Posts: 2,979 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Hi debtfree

    Well done for posting and welcome to DFW, it does feel better to get it all down doesn't it. I'm hoping to be debt free by my 40th too :beer: so good luck with it.

    With regards to telling your OH, you need to do it when you feel ready, but I agree with the other posters, it was the best thing I did and a huge weight off my shoulders.

    zippy x
  • Hi all

    well - I'm blubbing now!!Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply. I agree, I should tell dh but perhaps I should try to be nice to him for a week or so before I do!
    I am worried that the relationship will change - that suddenly I'll be the irresponsible one, the one who can't be trusted etc. Oh well, goodness knows what I'm going to say about the mortgage anyway.Today's the first day of my DFW life, so I'll go slow and steady (chicken)

    Thanks again - I love you all!!!:T
  • I called up the Nationwide to extend our mortgage (we are planning to convert the loft) and got told that the credit scoring had said we are 'over-committed'. I have to send 6 months of payslips, bank statements plus (the killer) a letter explaining how we have arrived at our financial situation. Somehow, I think 'because I'm crap with money' won't cut it!

    I was just wondering had you discussed upping the mortgage with your husband?
    If so, isn't he going to wonder now, why your Loft Conversion is going to be happening?
  • On the mortgage - our fix ended so I was dealing with that anyway. OH has £20k of savings so I am already suggesting that it would be cheaper to get out a loan for the difference over 5 years than borrow an additional £30k for 20 years. That's what being in debt has done to me - turned me into a big fat liar.

    I am digging myself into a big hole and this is probably what makes me confess but I am SOOOOOOO scared of the consequences.
  • Hi Debtfreeby40

    I fully understand where you are coming from, you may be referring to my post ' FACING OTHER HALFS'. It is by far the hardest thing to do and wotn be easy for a few months afters but I agree fessing up is the way to go before it brings you right down. Hey but its your decision nobody eles

    For better for worse was that changed my mind and I told the wife, now we have worked together to work it out.

    Good luck whichever you choose
    22/07/07 Debt - Tesco 17644 (6.1%) - Now 10500
    hsbc - 2000 - now 0 (12.9%) :T
    Halifax - 3500 now o(0%) :T
    Barclays - 1500 - now 0 (5.5%) :T
    ==================================
    Cleared 6th July 2010
  • bandraoi
    bandraoi Posts: 1,261 Forumite
    How long have you and your husband been together?
    Are the children yours/his/both of yours?

    Where has your money gone?
    Who's been paying for holidays, kids clothes, kids toys, christmas?

    What I'm getting at is maybe the problem is more to do with the fact that you're dividing up the bills in a way that makes you destined to be in debt and him with £20K of savings.
  • *zippy*
    *zippy* Posts: 2,979 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Take it a step at a time, you will know when the time is right to tell him. I can't remember how long I waited TBH, but I did make sure I had got my head around it all and had a plan in place to show him how we were going to get out of it.

    zippy x
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