should I keep quiet...

peachyprice

OP, you haven't given out much detail, you've alluded to the fact that you've been having an affiar of some sort, but have you?

Really, What's to tell? You've met up but haven't been physical, it's just texts and chats. But have you really done anything 'that' bad? I understand you're feeling guilty but step back and look over what has really gone on, would your husband really not forgive you over some texts and chats?

I'm not suggesting for one minute that what you have done is right, but it's far easier to forgive someone who has stopped an emotional relationship before it has become physical.

TBH, I would call your ex's bluff, what's he going to tell your husband? That you've been texting? You got caught up in the romance of the situation, is it really worth destroying your family over that? I don't think so. And I really don't think what you have done so far is totally unforgivable.

Saint_Chris

My friend was in the same situation as you,

her 1st love went away, she married and so did he, he moved back near our town, and about 10 years ago, they met at a party they was both invited to.

they exchanged mobile numbers, and over the years they have kept in touch via text, e-mail and facebook.

Exactly the same happened, he left his wife for her, and then he threadtened to tell her husband if she didn't leave.

But she was honest with us (her friends not husband) she told us that she'd got carried away, with the compliments he gave her, and what a wonderful life they could have, she agreed, it was all lovely in messages, like the ones he used to send her every morning saying,
hi lovely have a nice day,

she came to us in tears but swore that she hadn't slept with him, and had only met him a few times for a coffee, in open places like the trafford shopping centre.

She said that daily life was boring, but she loved her husband and kids to bits, and that she'd been carried away over the years with the lovely compliments and flirty texts, but she knew that she would never do anything.............even though she carried on with the communication.

But the ex, didn't see it this way, he believed everything she'd told him, so much he left his wife and children for her.

She was lucky as he was a nice man, he did threaten her, to tell her husband but this was done at the beginning when he was hurt, in the end, he went back to his wife, because he never told her anything as to why he'd left her.

All worked out in the end............for my friend

good luck

bangersnmash

Lots of good solid commonsense being said here, peeps. Fairly obvious, a lot of it, as well.

My tuppence worth, the grass is always greener on the other side, you often want what you can't have but if you get it then it's often not as good as your imagination was. And sometimes it's nothing like what you were vaguely hoping for.

As various other posters touch on, you only know the current syndrome in the limited way that you've experienced it so far and the reality of binning your current life and trying to set up a whole new one with this other bloke would be radically different to the bit of lightweight flirting and fantasy yearning that you've been indulging in so far.

Plus wrecking relationships, cheating, which is essentially what you're doing, even if it's only words and only minor actions such as secret meetings in public and not actually sex and a full blown affair, is still cheating and deception. So that sets a negative tone for the whole caper from day one. A relationship built on lies - is a relationship build on lies.

That kind of mentality sometimes carries on so if you're unlucky then you may find that he's got yet another old crush or two lurking in the background that he still carries a torch for and that he wants to secretly keep flirting with her - or even them! - as well.

This immediately sounds flaky and unstable to me. Sometimes this kind of stuff is the hunger that can never be satisfied, some people are never happy with what they've got, however good it is, and are always compulsively chasing after something else that's out of reach. Sometimes simply for that reason, that it's unattainable.

Which therefore can't ever be attained, because as soon as it is grabbed hold of the lure isn't there any more so then they want something else, a rather fatal destructive and self destructive mentality to suffer from. Wanty wanty can't get, getty getty don't want. Oh dear.

However, on the other hand, having said all that, who knows, maybe you could make a go of it with this other fellow from the past. Maybe you're "soul mates" and all the other relationships were just cul de sacs. There's only one way to find out if it might be a goer and that's to try. But what a risk. What a lot to lose that you've already got. But if you don't really love your current partner fully any more, well, is it worth carrying on with something half baked that's not satisfying. Why coast along wasting your life away with someone who you're not really into that much any more. When possibly you could be doing better elsewhere. Tricky.

So it's all rather a gamble, isn't it, it might work and be the right decision but alternatively it could be a disaster and you could spend the next few decades regretting what you destroyed, terribly. Especially if the bloke is fundamentally unstable and has terminal itchy feet and, for instance, dumps you after trying you out for a few months or a year or two. But you burnt your boats with your current hubby and destroyed all the trust and love so there's no going back.

Etc etc.

Good luck with whatever you decide. And if you do pop back it would be interesting to hear what you think about what we've said here. Plus if you'd like to tell us some more about it all and your thoughts then that might be interesting as well. And we might be able to suggest some more food for thought as well.