ny1 going 4 visitation/custody of there kids??

clairepix2003

hya

im new to this site and am after people who has been through court cases regarding there own/spouses children for access/custody to chat about experiences and get advice.

Me and my husband have been going for contact and residence now for my husbands daughter who is 4, since march 2003 and after several court orders/cafcass reports there was a final court hearing november 2005, in February 2006 my hubby ex broke the order and we (i then put a joint applcation in with my hubby) went back in court April, June & August with further delays, then in September 06 court case my hubby ex didnt even bother showing up since sept we have been to court oct 06, nov, dec, jan 07, feb, april and now am at court 9th may.

we later discovered my hubby ex did a moonlight flip in september without notifying courts, social services(they am involved with her and her other 2 children, she has 3 kids in total only 1 is my hubbys) cafcass and loads of other people that was in all of our lifes due to the court case.

It took from nov - feb to find my hubbys ex (thru DWP) only to be told that she writ a letter to the judge direct to notify the courts of her intentions which was refusing to attend court as my hubby hasnt seen his daughter since feb 06 so my hubby daughter had forgotten us so there was no point in us pursuing contact!!!

We now am at court 9th may hopefully for a guardian (cafcass) to have been intouch with my hubbys ex and my hubby daughter to hopefully find out why all this happened and why she moved to a different city.

There was a court order in place and she broke it without no notice or anything? Isnt that against the law or anything otherwise why bother having the order in the 1st place?

Please anyone who is going through a court order to see there children contact me as it would be nice to speak to someone who knows what im going through instead of the people me and my hubby chat to telling us we should just give up.

has any1 else been through anything similar and is there anything else we should expect that hasnt been mentioned yet.

Thanks

hobo28

Yes, breaking the court order is indeed against the law. Problem is, is that the law is very weak in enforcement. The overriding principle is whats in the best interests of the child.

A judge will not put the mother in prison as it would not be "in the best interests of the child". Nor is he likely to order a change in residence to your hubby since it would seperate him from his siblings.

In short, if the ex is being really awkward about it, its going to be a long and expensive battle and one which you are both unlikely to win.

**Patty**

hobo28 wrote: »

In short, if the ex is being really awkward about it, its going to be a long and expensive battle and one which you are both unlikely to win.

Well said :T

Scarlett1

clairepix2003 wrote: »

hya

im new to this site and am after people who has been through court cases regarding there own/spouses children for access/custody to chat about experiences and get advice.

Me and my husband have been going for contact and residence now for my husbands daughter who is 4, since march 2003 and after several court orders/cafcass reports there was a final court hearing november 2005, in February 2006 my hubby ex broke the order and we (i then put a joint applcation in with my hubby) went back in court April, June & August with further delays, then in September 06 court case my hubby ex didnt even bother showing up since sept we have been to court oct 06, nov, dec, jan 07, feb, april and now am at court 9th may.

we later discovered my hubby ex did a moonlight flip in september without notifying courts, social services(they am involved with her and her other 2 children, she has 3 kids in total only 1 is my hubbys) cafcass and loads of other people that was in all of our lifes due to the court case.

It took from nov - feb to find my hubbys ex (thru DWP) only to be told that she writ a letter to the judge direct to notify the courts of her intentions which was refusing to attend court as my hubby hasnt seen his daughter since feb 06 so my hubby daughter had forgotten us so there was no point in us pursuing contact!!!

We now am at court 9th may hopefully for a guardian (cafcass) to have been intouch with my hubbys ex and my hubby daughter to hopefully find out why all this happened and why she moved to a different city.

There was a court order in place and she broke it without no notice or anything? Isnt that against the law or anything otherwise why bother having the order in the 1st place?

Please anyone who is going through a court order to see there children contact me as it would be nice to speak to someone who knows what im going through instead of the people me and my hubby chat to telling us we should just give up.

has any1 else been through anything similar and is there anything else we should expect that hasnt been mentioned yet.

Thanks

are these court hearings for access or custody ? and does the PWC know what these hearings are for ? she will continue to do moonlight flits if she feels that you are trying to get custody, as hobo says it will be a long and expensive battle if she dont play ball.

clairepix2003

At the moment there are quite a few orders that we are going to court for they are: to enforce the original order, one is a penal notice to prevent her breaking the order again, a contact order again and a custody order.

My hubbys ex is aware of all of the orders but when she did a moonlight flip we only wanted access...

What you mean we are unlikely to win?? Which part am we most likely not to win??

clairepix2003

went to court 9th may, court case has now been moved to childs city which is a hour away from us and because the court papers are going to the new court all of her non attendances are now going to be wiped off --- which is total unfair --- atleast dh ex has got a solicitor who tried to attend but came at wrong time...

Looks like dh ex is trying to make further statements against me n my dh - but all 4 solicitors are trying to disencourage her (her own solicitor said shes like a broken record)

How frustrating

hobo28

clairepix2003 wrote: »

At the moment there are quite a few orders that we are going to court for they are: to enforce the original order, one is a penal notice to prevent her breaking the order again, a contact order again and a custody order.

My hubbys ex is aware of all of the orders but when she did a moonlight flip we only wanted access...

What you mean we are unlikely to win?? Which part am we most likely not to win??

By win I mean you get regular and steady access in line with the court order. So if court says 6pm on a Friday until Sunday 6pm, thats what you get.

The problem is as you are experiencing that even after a penal notice nothing really has happened.

The judge will not put ex in prison for non-compliance as its not in the childs best interests. A fine? Well that's not fair for the kids either! How will they eat etc? So what usually happens is that harsh words are used about dire consequences and another order issued!

There have been a small number of cases where through the continued non-compliance of court orders, residence has been reversed. So in other words your hubby gets custody and ex gets access. HOWEVER, in your case I can't see this happening as it would split your husband's daughter from her siblings which I think the court would see as not in her best interests.

You really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I sympathise and hope things work out one way or another.

daisy_doughnut

hi there

i went threw this in your position yrs ago with an ex
eventually the judge gave the childs mum a stern warning an said he would be forsed to deal with her if she kept making excuses not to come to court
eventually we got contact in a center as it had meen almost 18moths of battle with out access she broke that order a few times as well an was sent a letter from the courts
eventually contact moved to the home and after a few more glitches caused by her i think she realised that regardless of anything more she could do that my OH at the time was going to see his children an she gave up an played fair

keep going hun it will pay off in the end

good luck

Kimberley

I can't see any judge taking a child away from their parent with care unless the child is in danger or being neglected due to bad parenting and especially when she has siblings too.

clairepix2003

I think the ex knows that they cant fine her/send her to prison or even community service cos of the children, i think thats why shes pushing her luck...

The solicitors made us aware when we put in for residence the second time we are very unlikely to get residence unless we can prove that its not in the childs best interest for her to stay then we will only get access but we dont care what we get as long as we get to see her...

We have also been to a contact centre last year, my dh ex stalled that aslong as possible (meant to start June 9th didnt start until August 16th) and she only attended 3 times (it was only fortnightly as thats all we could afford, it was £82.26 for 2 hours), it was the fourth meeting my dh ex didnt show and around that time we found out she had gone. Contact before this was 48 hours a week (normally fri 5 - sun 5)

With my dh family none of them bother with there kids (it sounds horrible i know) so i think the dh ex is just hoping my dh is like his brothers which he isnt, maybe she will realise it now

Thanks for both of your replys

clairepix2003

social services is involved due heroin being in the household with domestic violence, all children wearing clothes to small for them and for leaving the children alone, my dh ex been arrested 3-4 times for leaving her then 2 year old daughter alone the last time she got arrested 2 weeks later she tried to slit her wrists because of this my dh went in for a emergency residence hearing as all of the above was proven...if that isnt bad parenting what is????