Left home, but back together now.

SeashoreWalk

Good morning everybody,
I'm looking for some advice and some guidance about what to do.
Background:
10yr relationship, result in child and mortgage.
We split, I move out (due to a breakdown of relationship with dsd)
I find lovely new area, home - am entitled to help with rent as DSD is still at the mortgaged home with her dad and the situ was impossible/dangerous for both me and DD to continue to live there.
3 yrs later--- Ex OH is back in my life with the potential for us to become a family unit again, DSD is now out of the joint home.
However--- I do NOT see any future back at that house/area, DD is settled in our area now. This is where I need guidance from anyone with helpful advice.
Ex/OH can not get single mortgage, and refuses to sell, I don't want to move back to the area/house from where I left 3 yrs ago, but I also don't want to give up my claim on the mortgage.
I spent 10yrs helping ex OH clear debt - and gave up an awful lot more.
I know I should just take my name off the mortgage, but it feels like I'm throwing away over 10yrs if investment.
Tia x

findingmyownway

SeashoreWalk wrote: »

3 yrs later--- Ex OH is back in my life with the potential for us to become a family unit again, DSD is now out of the joint home.
However--- I do NOT see any future back at that house/area, DD is settled in our area now. This is where I need guidance from anyone with helpful advice.
Ex/OH can not get single mortgage, and refuses to sell, I don't want to move back to the area/house from where I left 3 yrs ago, but I also don't want to give up my claim on the mortgage.
I spent 10yrs helping ex OH clear debt - and gave up an awful lot more.
I know I should just take my name off the mortgage, but it feels like I'm throwing away over 10yrs if investment.
Tia x

"refuses to sell" on what grounds? If you are BOTH serious about being a family again the some compromise is needed. Being back together should be taking precedence over housing choices.

And surely if your ex can't get a single mortgage then you can't simply take your name off it, he will have to sell.

fluffnutter

Are you really sure you want to get involved again??

Mojisola

SeashoreWalk wrote: »

We split, I move out (due to a breakdown of relationship with dsd)
I find lovely new area, home - am entitled to help with rent as DSD is still at the mortgaged home with her dad and the situ was impossible/dangerous for both me and DD to continue to live there.

3 yrs later--- Ex OH is back in my life with the potential for us to become a family unit again,

Ex/OH can not get single mortgage, and refuses to sell, I don't want to move back to the area/house from where I left 3 yrs ago, but I also don't want to give up my claim on the mortgage.
I spent 10yrs helping ex OH clear debt - and gave up an awful lot more.

I know I should just take my name off the mortgage, but it feels like I'm throwing away over 10yrs if investment.

I can see two issues - if the two of you can't agree about the house so that you can set up home together, what's the chances of re-establishing a good relationship? Also, now that it's only him left in the house that you part-own, are you still going to be entitled to help with your rent?

Robin_TBW

If you're both serious about it then both of you sell up and find an inbetween together.

tyllwyd

I'm confused by your post - you start by saying that you and your OH want to become a family again, then you say that you won't move back in with him and he won't sell, then you are saying that you want your equity from the house.

I think the two of you need to sit down and decide whether you are getting back together or splitting up permanently, and if you are going to stay separated you need to sort out your finances. Letting the situation drag on isn't fair on either of you.

shop-to-drop

The sensible thing would be to sell up and buy somewhere in the new area, alternatively you could rent out the home you own and use that money to pay rent for the house you live together in.

go_cat

Well if you can't agree on something like this then it's not going to work, neither party wants to compromise!

Are you sure you want to get back for the right reasons?

LannieDuck

SeashoreWalk wrote: »

Good morning everybody,
I'm looking for some advice and some guidance about what to do.
Background:
10yr relationship, result in child and mortgage.
We split, I move out (due to a breakdown of relationship with dsd)
I find lovely new area, home - am entitled to help with rent as DSD is still at the mortgaged home with her dad and the situ was impossible/dangerous for both me and DD to continue to live there.
3 yrs later--- Ex OH is back in my life with the potential for us to become a family unit again, DSD is now out of the joint home.
However--- I do NOT see any future back at that house/area, DD is settled in our area now. This is where I need guidance from anyone with helpful advice.
Ex/OH can not get single mortgage, and refuses to sell, I don't want to move back to the area/house from where I left 3 yrs ago, but I also don't want to give up my claim on the mortgage.
I spent 10yrs helping ex OH clear debt - and gave up an awful lot more.
I know I should just take my name off the mortgage, but it feels like I'm throwing away over 10yrs if investment.
Tia x

Presumably you've put a reasonable amount of money into the property over the years? In which case, don't just take your name off it without getting some protection for your investment. That would be madness.

Dunroamin

SeashoreWalk wrote: »

Good morning everybody,
I'm looking for some advice and some guidance about what to do.
Background:
10yr relationship, result in child and mortgage.
We split, I move out (due to a breakdown of relationship with dsd)
I find lovely new area, home - am entitled to help with rent as DSD is still at the mortgaged home with her dad and the situ was impossible/dangerous for both me and DD to continue to live there.
3 yrs later--- Ex OH is back in my life with the potential for us to become a family unit again, DSD is now out of the joint home.
However--- I do NOT see any future back at that house/area, DD is settled in our area now. This is where I need guidance from anyone with helpful advice.
Ex/OH can not get single mortgage, and refuses to sell, I don't want to move back to the area/house from where I left 3 yrs ago, but I also don't want to give up my claim on the mortgage.
I spent 10yrs helping ex OH clear debt - and gave up an awful lot more.
I know I should just take my name off the mortgage, but it feels like I'm throwing away over 10yrs if investment.
Tia x

You can't just take your name off the mortgage, your ex has to earn enough to be allowed to take over the mortgage just on his salary or the property has to be sold.

peachyprice

Is there actually any equity in the house?