Just told wife about debts

FLAPJACK

Hi Arab9893,

Make yesterday "The 1st day of your new life", you have faced your problem face on and now it's a problem shared....so at least (with the support of your wife) you have halved the weight on your shoulders.

WELL DONE.....and make the gamble you took yesterday (in telling your wife) the LAST GAMBLE you take.....hopefully it will be the one that will net you the best results ever....keeping your marriage and losing your debt, leading to an enjoyable life.

I take it the debt is in the form of CC's,....(not encouraging you into more debt) but maybe it could be an idea to get a personal loan for the total amount....I only suggest this as the CC interest rate will probably be much higher than a personal loan, at least that way the £400 a month you pay will actually cut further into the capital owed instead of the interest.

But anyway you can be proud of yourself for telling your wife and you can be equally proud of her for supporting you. Indeed I should think she will be proud of you too, as I'm sure that she realises how difficult life must have become for you in recent times.

You are also an insperation to others who are in the situation you were in up until yesterday.....as has already been said here.

All the very best to you both.

arab9893

Thanks Flapjack,

All of the debt is on credit cards, and all on 0% balance transfers. Fortunately, even though I have been a complete idiot I haven't missed a credit card payment for years.

I don;t know what our credit rating will be like, however am planning on swapping the money around as each company keeps offering 9 months interest free on the cards I already have.

Do people think our credit rating will be in tatters, or will it still be ok as I've never missed payments?

Thanks again.

arab9893

Clipper235 wrote: »

arab9893

Reading your post just amazed me. You were practically talking about me!

In November last year I finally told my missus about my debt. £35K:mad:

Most of this has been living beyond my means but over the last 2 years I have been trying to beat the bookies and win the money so I wouldnt have to tell her.

I reckon of the £35K of cc debt £16K of it is due to gambling.

I gave up gambling on 26 October when my daughter was born.

I havent told the missus about the gambling as the shame of the debt is bad enough.

She has been amazing. With her help I have got a £24K loan from halifax over 5 years and the rest of the debt she paid off with her savings. I have paid off all my cards and cut them up, apart from one which she has hidden. My overdraft is paid off and reduced to £200 max.

I wont go into details but the next 8 months will be the most difficult financially but after that things should become easier.

What I will say to you is that you will have bad days, as will your wife, but you need to keep talking to her and the next day she will be fine again.

I dont need GA as I was purely trying to win money to pay off the debts, and I am feeling a lot happier without the gambling.

Its all down to personal preference, but if you feel you do need to go then make sure you go to a few meetings not just one.

I feel like I have been given a second chance in life and intend to grab it with both hands.

All the best mate.:beer:

Hi Clipper,

Thanks for taking the time to reply on my thread.

For some reason I don;t think I need help as I was exactly the same as you. I got £15k or so into debt, the rest was by gambling trying to win the money back. Thinking back, how crazy can you get eh.

I was always on Bet365 betting on any game of football that was going. Icelandic Under 19 cup games!!! Absolutely ridiculous when you think about it. However I have absolutely no interest in gambling at all, makes me feel sick thinking about it. So I've excluded myself from all sites I used.

I;ve given my wife access to all of my accounts and she is going to make sure I am paying everything as promised, but as she says what is to stop me opening up a new credit card and doing it all again. I couldn;t say much to that except I will just have to prove over time that I will sort this out. My wife and kids are all that matters to me, thankfully I have realised this before it was too late.

Thanks for the support mate.

warehouse

arab9893 wrote: »

Do people think our credit rating will be in tatters, or will it still be ok as I've never missed payments?

Thanks again.

If you've never missed a payment on any loan then your credit rating will be fine.

If you look further into the site you will find many other ways of living a bit cheaper than you probably do now, and might well surprise yourself at how quickly you can get rid of the debt completely. If you put your mind to it I'd say you could do it in 3 years or less.

Good luck.

arab9893

warehouse wrote: »

If you've never missed a payment on any loan then your credit rating will be fine.

If you look further into the site you will find many other ways of living a bit cheaper than you probably do now, and might well surprise yourself at how quickly you can get rid of the debt completely. If you put your mind to it I'd say you could do it in 3 years or less.

Good luck.

Would it be an idea to sign up for 30 day free trial on Experian, I could find out our credit rating on that and maybe give my wife some better news.

somethingcorporate

No harm in it, just remember to cancel as it is £15 a month.

KeepFighting_2

arab9893 wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the support.

Yesterday was probably the toughest day of my life. After we had got the kids off to bed, we had another long chat. To be honest I think my wife wanted us to split as she had worked out yesterday that she could still afford to live on her own and look after the kids out of her own wage.

But after much shouting and crying, I managed to show her that I've excluded myself from all gambling sites. She saw every bank statement and credit card statement, and I showed that I have been trying to pay the debt off. We're going to give it a go, it'll probably take 5 years to pay off my debt at £400 a month, and I basically won;t have any spending money for 5 years. I don;t care about that though.

Even though it was one of the toughest, in a strange kind of way it was one of the best days of my life too. I'm no longer gambling. I don;t care what the football scores are today. I've got my life back. A massive weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

Not sure about Gamblers Anonymous. We sat down and looked at the website for a bit last night but not sure if that's really what I need. I've booked an appointment with my doctor for this week and will discuss with him.

Thanks again folks. If I hadn't registered on here last week I don't think I would be in this position. Just seeing so many other people that are in the same position as me has helped a lot, and the support has been fantastic.

Congratulations you have completed stage 1 of what I will be blunt with oyu is going to be a long and hard path. This is speaking form my own experience in my case £102,000 and hiding it for 9 years and telling her 3 years ago.
If I could offer some hard learnt advice
1) It will take many years and lots of sleepless nights, there will be good times and bad times but do not be fooled it is there and will always be there.
2) You might not think it is worht it but go to gamblers anonymous you can always stop going if it is not for you. But it would be worth it even if you talk about your relationship and not gambling.
3) You will need to learn to bite your tongue it will come up time and time again sometimes when you are not expecting it
4) Go to marriage guideance you may think you can do it alone but support is the key. My wife refused to go and it probably delayed the healing process by a year
5) Look forward not back be proud of what you achieve in repaying your debt it makes you feel good
6) Stick with it the other options are not worth thinking about

I hope this helps but probably the best bit of advice is keep on talking even when you think it is not necessary. Even if you ask the question in your own mind it is then worthwhile mentioning it otherwise it will cause major issues.

Good Luck
If I can be of help let me know.

FLAPJACK

I'm sure your credit rating will be fine in having no late payments.

Not sure if having a number of CC's is good for a rating i.e shows you have a lot of debt....then again it could be looked upon as a good thing as several CC companies look to you as a good risk.

Maybe you could try lowering the balance on one card to such a point that you could BT the sum onto another card and close the previous card, thereby reducing the number of cards.....and remaining at 0% too.

Don't forget that when the sun comes out and you are out of debt (sooner than later too as another poster has said) make sure you have one CC (maybe the one with the highest limit).

That way you still have access to credit and you can use the card more as a tool....i.e using it for useful things, and keeping the balance at a managable level.....don't need to tell you this but it something I have not forgotten, a credit limit is just that NOT a target.

If your credit rating is a worry to you, maybe you could approach the rating agencies...you can get a credit report for £2 by law.

Not sure if that includes a credit score, however the score varies with different agencies and from what I understand isn't really taken much into account by likely lenders...they are looking for a good record of repayment...which you have.

arab9893

Thanks Flapjack,

I registered with Experian for 30 day trial and my credit rating is 982 and excellent. Think ill show my wife, at least it shows I haven't missed any payments and I haven't ruined our credit rating.

I know it's gonna take a long time but hopefully she can see how serious I am about taking responsibility for my actions and sorting this mess out.

FLAPJACK

Thats great news!!

I'm sure your wife knows how serious you are......that fact has come across here today.....

So at least tonight you can go to bed with a bit less on your mind to keep you awake.

it's been a positive day for you.