JC staff-how friendly is too friendly?

Calien27

I've been mentally debating with myself for a while about whether or not I should post this, in case I get the "mountain out of a molehill lecture"

Anyway, I'm currently on JSA after the place I worked at went out of business, I see the same adviser every two weeks, over the past few months he's becoming more and more "friendly". Normally the others are called by their surname and this was typical for me too, until he started calling out my first name and more recently a shortened "nickname" version. For the past couple of signing on's he's just waited until I've made eye contact and winked at me as to say it's my turn.

Last week I had an appointment with another JC staff member to go over my agreement and update it a little, they also wanted to set up an appointment with someone to help me make my CV a little more attractive, the time they suggested clashed with my ultra sound scan, so I made them aware of this and I thought nothing more of it.

Yesterday I signed on again and got the typical wink and smile, when I sat down the first thing my adviser said was "You're already starting to show" :eek: then proceeded to ask me about morning sickness and whether or not the father is in the picture (he is). With the other people who sign on at that specific table it's "sit down, sign this, see you in two weeks" but as soon as I sit down he starts chatting away like we're the best of friends.

It's just kind of odd to me, maybe I am making something out of nothing, but I've never known any of the other advisers at my local JC to be so...friendly towards the people going there.

Please, tell me honestly if I am being a paranoid idiot about this, I won't mind

dandelionclock30

Just ask to change advisors as hes making you feel uncomfortable by asking inappropriate questions and by flirting.He shouldnt be asking those questions as its non of his concern. You are there to sign on and to be helped to find work, not to be chatted up and be treated like totty. What an idiot.
Just ask to see the manager and say you want a different advisor.They will change you to someone elce.

miduck

Damned if you do and damned if you don't! What do people want JCP staff to do? If they are formal they get criticised as being cold and unhelpful, if they are friendly and take an interest they are flirting and being odd. Perhaps he has a sister, friend or partner who is also pregnant, and is asking these questions to build up a rapport, and try to put you at ease?

Sorry, I do think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

McKneff

miduck wrote: »

Damned if you do and damned if you don't! What do people want JCP staff to do? If they are formal they get criticised as being cold and unhelpful, if they are friendly and take an interest they are flirting and being odd. Perhaps he has a sister, friend or partner who is also pregnant, and is asking these questions to build up a rapport, and try to put you at ease?

Sorry, I do think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I dont, formal, no. Friendly yes, but over familiarity is a no no.

Flirting is not appropriate full stop.

Ask to change your advisor if he is making you ill at ease, which I presume you are or you wouldnt be posting on here.

miduck

McKneff wrote: »

I dont, formal, no. Friendly yes, but over familiarity is a no no.

Flirting is not appropriate full stop.

Ask to change your advisor if he is making you ill at ease, which I presume you are or you wouldnt be posting on here.

I honestly see no sign of flirting - telling a lady they are starting to show is hardly a come on! The OP is making themselves feel uncomfortable by thinking too much into it.

AP007

miduck wrote: »

Damned if you do and damned if you don't! What do people want JCP staff to do? If they are formal they get criticised as being cold and unhelpful, if they are friendly and take an interest they are flirting and being odd. Perhaps he has a sister, friend or partner who is also pregnant, and is asking these questions to build up a rapport, and try to put you at ease?

Sorry, I do think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

There is a big difference saying 'hi how are you today' and 'have a good weekend' compared to 'is the father still around'

What business is it of anyones

miduck

AP007 wrote: »

They is a big difference saying 'hi how are you today' and 'have a good weekend' compared to 'is the father still around'

What business is it of anyones

If she doesn't want to answer she can say, "I'd rather not discuss that, thanks for your concern."

It is a sad day when someone cannot make innocent conversation for fear of having a complaint made against them.

Merz_First

I can't see the problem here tbh, rather than seen as a number an advisors trying to make you feel more at ease. Had he been the complete opposite, would you have complained he treated you as a non-human.

AP007

miduck wrote: »

If she doesn't want to answer she can say, "I'd rather not discuss that, thanks for your concern."

It is a sad day when someone cannot make innocent conversation for fear of having a complaint made against them.

I really do not see asking if the father is still around as innocent. Who would come up with that as a question? Do they think all people on benefits are single parents with run away men?

Id rather they just do their job and not have small talk with me as I have nothing to say. Like when they go 'have a great xmas'!

Calien27

Thanks for the replies

I'm not going to make a complaint, it never even crossed my mind tbh! I just find it slightly odd how things went from regular, formal JC stuff to them being really friendly and commenting about things in the way they have been.

princessdon

Are you a single claimant?