Daughter accused of punching someone and she didn't do anything

vasseur

I wonder if someone could give me some advice on how to deal with something.

I'm at work and have just taken a phonecall from my 8 year old daughter (she's at my mum's), crying, saying she was kept behind after school because another girl in her class said she (my dd) punched her. Another girl has already stated that my dd did nothing but the teacher has told her that if it happens again she'll get a red card (worst punishment) - she's never even had a yellow card in 5 years of school - her behaviour not to mention her school work has been exemplary. The teacher also said to the alleged 'victim' that she must be sure to tell her parents about this.

It just seems that the teacher is taking sides and disregarding what my dd has said.

The girl in question's mum works as a TA in the infants school and to say this girl is self-confident is an understatement - she has said in the past that she has 'more power' because her mum works in the school. She is also a bit of a trouble maker and at the moment seems to have a problem with my daughter.

I was going to pop into the school to see the teacher first thing tomorrow. I know I've got to get the full story out of my daughter first but wondered what the best way of dealing with this is.

Thanks

pinkshoes

I would definitely speak to the teacher in a calm manner, and ask why your DD was given a warning when there was a witness who stated that she definitely didn't do it, and the other girl is lying.

Madmel

Keep very very calm! Request a meeting with the teacher and simply state the facts: namely that you have your daughter's word that she did not punch the other child and you have no reason not to believe her. State that if you find that your DD has lied to you, she will be punished by you; she is aware of this and is still sticking to her story. Then if the teacher does not back down, remind her that there is a witness also backing your DD's version of events.

Give the teacher an escape route [yes, I know she probably shouldn't have one but as a teacher, at the end of a long day blah blah...] Ask if she could question the *victim* again to ascertain exactly what happened, bearing in mind your DD's and the witness's stories. Then leave it and give her a day to sort it out. If you get no joy, go straight to the Head, this time tell them about the other girl's *teflon* boasts. I'm sure this will sort itself out. Best wishes

meritaten

^^^^^ exactly what madmel said!!!

bylromarha

I teach. I'd find it hard to swallow if one of my well behaved kids punched another child. Even harder if they had a witness backing up the story.

It can happen - but it's very rare! Try to find out from DD why she feels the other girl would say she did do it.

Then keep calm and speak to the teacher.

milliebear00001

Find out exactly why the teacher is so convinced your daughter is to blame. Maybe she/another adult/another witness saw more than your daughter is telling you?

If your child was punched, but the perpetrator denied it and their best friend backed them up, what would you want the teacher to do then?

Things in schools are rarely black and white. Children are often different in school to compared with home. Blame is rarely 100% due to one child. It can be VERY difficult to work out who did what and sometimes the adults get it wrong, but sometimes they don't, even though parents might feel they have.

balletshoes

polesalot wrote: »

I wonder if someone could give me some advice on how to deal with something.

I'm at work and have just taken a phonecall from my 8 year old daughter (she's at my mum's), crying, saying she was kept behind after school because another girl in her class said she (my dd) punched her. Another girl has already stated that my dd did nothing but the teacher has told her that if it happens again she'll get a red card (worst punishment) - she's never even had a yellow card in 5 years of school - her behaviour not to mention her school work has been exemplary. The teacher also said to the alleged 'victim' that she must be sure to tell her parents about this.

It just seems that the teacher is taking sides and disregarding what my dd has said.

The girl in question's mum works as a TA in the infants school and to say this girl is self-confident is an understatement - she has said in the past that she has 'more power' because her mum works in the school. She is also a bit of a trouble maker and at the moment seems to have a problem with my daughter.

I was going to pop into the school to see the teacher first thing tomorrow. I know I've got to get the full story out of my daughter first but wondered what the best way of dealing with this is.

Thanks

definitely speak to your daughter, find out her side of the story. Then go into school tomorrow with your daughter and get the teacher's side of the story.

vasseur

Thanks everyone. I've calmed down (slightly).

I've got her side of the story now. She says they were standing in line for assembly and my dd told the other girl that they needed to stand in register order and if she touched the girl at all it was to guide her to the end of the line by touching her arm although she says she can't even remember of she did do that but if she DID touch her then that's all it was. Next thing she knows she's being told to wait behind at the end of the day and this girl says that my dd punched her in the stomach. Until that moment she said she had no idea why she was being told to wait behind.

I agree the teacher wouldn't know who to believe but the way i see it at the moment he's just taken this other child's word against mine.

Thanks for all the advice.

balletshoes

polesalot wrote: »

Thanks everyone. I've calmed down (slightly).

I've got her side of the story now. She says they were standing in line for assembly and my dd told the other girl that they needed to stand in register order and if she touched the girl at all it was to guide her to the end of the line by touching her arm although she says she can't even remember of she did do that but if she DID touch her then that's all it was. Next thing she knows she's being told to wait behind at the end of the day and this girl says that my dd punched her in the stomach. Until that moment she said she had no idea why she was being told to wait behind.

I agree the teacher wouldn't know who to believe but the way i see it at the moment he's just taken this other child's word against mine.


Thanks for all the advice.

and thats why you need to stay calm and get the teacher's side of the story tomorrow.

Lets put it this way - if your daughter had been punched, and had told the teacher, and the teacher did/said nothing at all to the person she said punched her, would you be happy with the teacher's actions? Of course I'm not saying your daughter did anything wrong, but I can see where, in this case, the teacher may have been put in a difficult position. He hasn't punished your daughter, although I can see why she's upset. So stay calm and put your daughter's side of the story to him, after listening to his side.

meritaten

if they are in register order - its alphabetical so would your DD be in front of or behind this other child? if behind, there is no way she could have punched her in stomach - if in front then why would she need to guide her - she would assume she was being followed - so to me this other childs story doesnt seem to 'add up'.

vasseur

meritaten wrote: »

if they are in register order - its alphabetical so would your DD be in front of or behind this other child? if behind, there is no way she could have punched her in stomach - if in front then why would she need to guide her - she would assume she was being followed - so to me this other childs story doesnt seem to 'add up'.

I agree - she (the other girl) would have been behind. Also if I had been punched in the stomach I would be doubled over and would have told someone before the assembly started - not waited till the end.