help - do I relocate?

stevemLS

Don't want to be rude, but there are few characteristics as unattractive as desperation.

lulabelle

I'm not "desperate" though - I've been through hell and after years come out the other side a homeowner, debt free and one of the bosses at work.

All I'm saying is that I'd like to give myself the "chance" of meeting someone - which there really isn't where I live.

So, do I stay here where I am successful and have a great life and great friends (even though I hate my job) or move for less pay, having to make new friends and to give myself more opportunities to meet someone eventually?

Newyorkdreams

Hi Lulabelle - what a dilemma! I can tell that you are really trying hard to weigh your options up and that it's important to you. I relocated 10 years ago on my own when I was 23. It was for a number of reasons, one of which was my job (I could earn double moving to another area) but also to give my relationship a chance by starting somewhere new (long story but he moved to be with me 6 months later). I'm not going to lie to you - it was hard. However, 10 years later, here we are married with a house bought and fantastic friends (and lots of debt...lol...beware of that one). I miss my family but they are only 3 hours away so it's not so bad.

You need to decide what is best for you Lulabelle, truly think hard about what you really want and go for it. Please believe me, life is too damn short. If you see an opportunity, take it with both hands. If your unhappy with any part of your life, change it. It's within your grasp. Never live your life with regrets about the things you haven't done - only the things you have and even then don't regret them, just accept that they have helped to define you as a person...a better one at that! I would hate to think that you would stay for your friends and deny yourself happiness in the long run. If they are real true friends, they will still be there and you will make new ones, I'm sure of that.

NYD x

lulabelle

thank you for your kind words NYD - it is a hard decision but have started ball rolling by applying for a couple of jobs in the area I want to relocate to (and one is different to what I'm doing now) to see what interest there is and likely salary. I've also booked to spend a couple of weekends in the place on my radar to scopse it out and see what it's like (have enlisted the help of a friend too so not on own there!) I would have to give 3 months notice anyway so nothing going to happen immediately but at least I'm investigating which makes me feel better. I moved to where I live now 8.5 years ago when I was 25 not knowing a single soul so whilst it might be more tough now I'm older I also think I'm a much nicer and more switched on person than I was at 25 so hopefully that will help

ellesbellesxxx

@stevemLS: Most definitely not desperation - it's being proactive in meeting someone. So many people I know have wanted to meet someone but not done anything about it. So many of us are in professions where it is impossible to meet someone like minded (Primary school teaching is abundant in females but not in men!) So internet dating etc or relocating to more friendly area is taking your destiny and making it!

Willing2Learn

Lulabelle,
Have you considered the possibility of fear, hidden within your subconscious, maybe impacting upon your decision making process? I'm not talking about the type of fear that causes the classic "fight or flight" response to be manifested. It is fear of the unknown to which I refer. The fear that causes people to plod along everyday in the same old life without taking a risk. The fear that prevents one from being able to sample all that life has to offer. The fear that tells us, in our minds eye, to hold on to what we have now, however humdrum and uninspiring, rather than going somewhere else, learning a new job, experiencing different lifestyles, new cultures and ways of partying.

It's so easy to stay put. You know what is going to happen and can plan for tomorrow, the next day, the next month, the next year, maybe even the next decade. You know roughly where you're going to live, the size of property you can afford, the type of job you will always have....It just so easy and so safe.

I'm at danger of rambling now, in your thread, for which I apologise. So I'm going to cut this short. I am trying to encourage you though, to carry out a full analysis of your thoughts, emotions and processes that are leading you toward making a decision, to consider whether a subconscious fear is causing you difficulties in reaching an appropriate conclusion that is right for your for holistic needs. After all, the final decision should not be based upon something as irrational or as basic as an instinctive fear.

[Deleted User]

Willing2Learn wrote: »

Lulabelle,
Have you considered the possibility of fear, hidden within your subconscious, maybe impacting upon your decision making process? I'm not talking about the type of fear that causes the classic "fight or flight" response to be manifested. It is fear of the unknown to which I refer. The fear that causes people to plod along everyday in the same old life without taking a risk. The fear that prevents one from being able to sample all that life has to offer. The fear that tells us, in our minds eye, to hold on to what we have now, however humdrum and uninspiring, rather than going somewhere else, learning a new job, experiencing different lifestyles, new cultures and ways of partying.

It's so easy to stay put. You know what is going to happen and can plan for tomorrow, the next day, the next month, the next year, maybe even the next decade. You know roughly where you're going to live, the size of property you can afford, the type of job you will always have....It just so easy and so safe.

I'm at danger of rambling now, in your thread, for which I apologise. So I'm going to cut this short. I am trying to encourage you though, to carry out a full analysis of your thoughts, emotions and processes that are leading you toward making a decision, to consider whether a subconscious fear is causing you difficulties in reaching an appropriate conclusion that is right for your for holistic needs. After all, the final decision should not be based upon something as irrational or as basic as an instinctive fear.

What an inspirational post Willing2Learn...and so poetic. Thank you.

lulabelle

oh my gish W2L - what a fantastic post. My best friend is a consultant clinical psychologist and you sound just like her!

I think you're right, it would be easy just to stay and to continue on this path because I know that to do so, I'll be sorted for the future because of the role I have and the experience I'm building - I'm probably in the best position career wise of all my friends who work in the same industry (who, incidentally, keep pointing that out to me and say I'd be throwing away all my hard work) but I've never really wanted to do the job I'm doing - it was my father who pushed me into it because he said I'd always be in work and financially secure. At a young age I didn't resist this (I was quite sheltered as a child and didn't really have any sense of self) and am now into my 12th year of this industry and don't want to leave it until it's too late to get out.

Are there any books or websites you can recommend which might help me undertake a full analysis?

MrsH070707

As many others have said - life is too short and we spend too much time at work as it is, let alone if you really don't like your job. I guess thats the real kicker here (in my opinion anyway) - friends and family will stay in touch/visit - I moved an hour and a half away from everyone I knew and actually they used to come for whole weekends which was awesome rather than just going out for one night. A new job/change in career (or whatever it is you are thinking of) might be the fresh start you need - you will undoubtedly meet new people at a new workplace, maybe even a husband-2-be! hee hee.

Don't settle. We get one shot at this - you have to take life by the horns and ride it! Worse case scenario, you absolutely hate it and have to move back - nothing is permanent (thank god, otherwise with my debt I'd be up the proverbial creek).

Good luck and heres to new beginnings!

lulabelle

Thanks MrsH07 - you're right, we do get one shot at this and shouldn't settle. Have had further turn of events at work today which makes me believe I'm doing the right thing