help - do I relocate?

lulabelle

I am a person previously in debt. I am no longer in debt (although still kick myself daily for the money I've wasted over the years). I have a really good job, am getting to the top of my game and get paid really well. However, I actually hate where I work and there are no men where I live - have not had a relationship for 2.5 years.

I want to find someone and settle down and am also pretty disillusioned with where I live. The problem I have is that if I want to stay I have to carry on doing what I'm doing (which I hate - can't go into it more than that on here).

I'm starting to think that I may want to relocate and am looking at options. The relocation would potentially allow me to get out of what I am doing generally and there are likely to be more men in that area.

What puts me off is the following:

1. If I relocate I will be around 1k a month (or more) worse off
2. I have lots of friends where I am and am scared of moving somewhere mid-30's and having to start again and make friends
3. Career progression would not be as good if I change (that said, I hate what I do currently and have for a while)
4. I would have an hour's commute (slightly more if you add on walking time so hour and 20-30ish) each way per day if I do relocate

What appeals to me is the following:

1. I will be much closer to my family
2. I do have some friends not too far away from where I'd relocate to
3. The thought of getting out of what I do is appealing
4. It would be nice to 'start again' in some ways given various things which have happened where I am
5. House prices would be much much cheaper in the area I'm thinking of relocating to as I think would living costs generally

What should I do? At the moment, it's options only and seeing what jobs are out there but it's hard to piece together what expenses in that area might be.

Feel in a bit of a mess. If I'm honest, the 2 biggest things putting me off is the difference in money and the leaving my (fantastic) friends (although a lot of them are getting to the point where they are likely to settle down and have kids so they will be unavailable to hang out in the same way as they are now in a couple of years) but I really want to meet someone and it's just not happening here (and it's not just me, it's generally accepted that where I live there is a real lack of single men)

help!!!!

HappyMJ

I'd do what's best for you. I wouldn't neccessarily worry to much about the money if you aren't in debt then you should be able to stay out of debt whilst paying more out. Friends are the hardest to leave...you can't just pop round for a cup of tea whenever you want any more.

lulabelle

I think part of me is scared of moving and then not finding anyone and not making any friends and being alone and poorer! At least here I'm alone and well off and have friends but I can't help thinking I'll never meet anyone to settle down with if I stay here

ellesbellesxxx

Have you gone internet dating or speed dating? My friend and I went speed dating and met someone as a friend - who another friend met on a night out with us and BAM love at first sight and now they are married!
Then a few people in my group of friends went internet dating and we all met someone who we are now all happily settled with - couldn't recommend it enough

ellesbellesxxx

PS If you are unhappy in what you are doing - life is too short. I am currently having same battle - do I leave a well paid full time teaching job to do unpredictable supply work, which would mean less anxiety and stress but less money????? Let me know when you find the answer - i tmight help me decide!

Willing2Learn

I've turned down job offers after a successful interview for a job I didn't want, working for an employer that didn't share my values or mission (yes, I have a mission). I took a job with someone else with whom I'd been interviewed a couple of days earlier, who were compatible with my ethics/morals but paid a far lower salary. The other employer even rang me up twice with increased offers but I declined. The point is, I personally believe it's far more important to be working in a job that you love and feel passionate about (if at all possible). An enriched life has a far higher value than money.

I'm also a guy, so I'd like you to relocate please!

lulabelle

thanks all. Yes, I agree an enriched life is far better. Guess I'm quite disillusioned as thought I'd always stay here (I live in a lovely place) and it is hard to leave after all this time.

EB - I have tried internet dating both here and looking elsewhere (we don't have speed dating here - not enough single people!) but there really are no single decent guys

just had a long chat on the phone with one of my friends from uni - she thinks I will struggle to meet someone here but kept saying how well I've done and how it would be a shame to waste that (I agree but my life will only get more stressful if I stay in this role and yes, the money and 'prestige' are great but query the effects on my sanity - I live for the weekend and get depressed by sunday morning at the thought of having to go in on a monday)

ellesbellesxxx

Ah fair enough.. re dating!

I honestly don't think I am ambitious, although that shocks a lot of teacher friends who want to be heads etc. I want to be happy - even if it means being less well off!
I know what you mean about feeling depressed on a Sunday eve too
I would go where your heart is x

lulabelle

the "undateables" have more luck than I!!!

Willing2Learn

The thing is, you are probably focusing too much on this 'finding the right guy' thing, when it'll just happen one day. Wham! out of the blue! In the most unexpected of places you find someone you really connect with. I don't think it is something for which you can really go searching as there is no way of determining where it can be found.

In the meantime, all you can do is enjoy life and value the relationships you have with your [close] friends and family.

lulabelle

W2L I know there is some truth in that but have been thinking that for last 2.5 years! And I look at some of the friends I have and one hasn't met anyone and she's now 45 and another didn't meet someone until she was in her 50's!!!