Kids using gay as an insult

ScarlettUK

Wow! What a debate! I don't find the term offensive generally. I'm a lesbian and I have 4 kids. My eldest 3 are 20, 17 and 14 and the baby's 8 months, and I remember them saying lots of times that something was "gay", then immediately saying "sorry mum" which really amused me. They knew that it could mean homosexual, but weren't using it in that context. My wife's brother has also used it many times, then apologised, although no offence has been taken.

I think any word can be used as an insult - I've called people plank, plantpot, and lots of other inanimate things, to mean "silly". What matters is the feeling behind it, maybe more than the context if that makes sense.

Back to the OP, her son's friend called him gay because he got changed in front of someone else - my response to that would be to not give it teeth. Was he really using it as a homophobic insult, or just a bit of fun? I obviously abhor homophobia, but wouldn't have seen it in that comment.

I remember having a heated discussion with my dad's wife once because she was horrified that I referred to myself as a dyke! That's a whole other story

fluffnutter

Person_one wrote: »

I can't quite believe people don't think its homophobic!

They use it as an insult because being gay is seen as a bad thing, the same way boys call each other girls or other insults that imply that being female is naturally worse.

Its an insidious homophobia, so ingrained it becomes instinctive, and it should be challenged each and every time.

Language is more complex than that. I have, on occasion, used the word 'gay' in the way it's being discussed on this thread. I'm not homophobic, never have been, never will be.

Homophobia is about more than one word.

Person_one

fluffnutter wrote: »

Language is more complex than that. I have, on occasion, used the word 'gay' in the way it's being discussed on this thread. I'm not homophobic, never have been, never will be.

Homophobia is about more than one word.

Words have always been an important weapon, and homophobia is often much more subtle than gay bashing or out and hatred.

Lunar_Eclipse

It is the insulting word of the moment, having taken over from (& with similar meaning to) the word lame. It is not generally being used in a homophobic fashion, but as an alternative to 'pathetic'. (Yes, I know that this therefore means it IS homophobic because of the unspoken 'gay must therefore equal pathetic', but I don't think most kids realise this when using it. Or maybe consciousness doesn't even come into whether people are homophobic? I think this would be worth pointing out to kids actually!)

I don't think either of my children have come out with this one, but if they did I'd just tell them that I didn't like them using it in this way, they were using it incorrectly, explain what it meant if they didn't know and leave it at that.

fluffnutter

Person_one wrote: »

Words have always been an important weapon, and homophobia is often much more subtle than gay bashing or out and hatred.

I agree that words can be weapons, but only when used with intent. It's too black and white to say that when a kid calls something gay (or indeed an adult) they're doing so because they consciously or unconsciously believe that being gay is a bad thing.

The meaning of words change over time, a word has no inherent meaning other than the way it is used. This is why black people call each other niggers, and why 'queer' was taken up by the gay community so as to destroy its negative connotations.

IME, this is what is happening/has happened with the word 'gay'. A word is only homophobic when used by a homophobic person with the intent to be homophobic.

Robin_TBW

Myself and my friends used gay as an insult when we were younger and I haven't grown up hating gay guys in any way. Yeah I don't particularly wish to see guys kissing each other but then I don't particularly like seeing a 40-stone male/female couple kissing either really.

I don't like the guys who feel that because they're gay they have to speak with a high voice and make an event of the fact they're gay but then again I don't like the kind of guys who have to go to the gym 18 times a week and show off their muscles to prove they're straight either.

Make sure they know what they're saying but then if they continue to use it, they should grow out of it.

fluffnutter

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

It is the insulting word of the moment, having taken over from (& with similar meaning to) the word lame.

I wonder if those with walking disorders or one leg get upset about things being called 'lame' to suggest bad. I doubt it. I certainly can't recall there being much outrage on lame people's behalfs about lame being used like this.

A word is only insulting when used with the intent to insult.

Person_one

fluffnutter wrote: »

I wonder if those with walking disorders or one leg get upset about things being called 'lame' to suggest bad. I doubt it. I certainly can't recall there being much outrage on lame people's behalfs about lame being used like this.

A word is only insulting when used with the intent to insult.

Was lame ever actually popular in this country? Its American isn't it?

I left school in 2001, 'gay' was gaining in popularity as an insult (although I'd been called Dyke and Lezzer for years anyway, and I'm straight) but I don't remember 'lame' at all.

UsernameAlreadyExists

Person_one wrote: »

...
I left school in 2001 ...

Hahaha ... from some of your posts on this thread, I had this mental image of you being a 70 year old bloke. How wrong could I have been :rotfl:

Person_one

UsernameAlreadyExists wrote: »

Hahaha ... from some of your posts on this thread, I had this mental image of you being a 70 year old bloke. How wrong could I have been :rotfl:

Everybody thinks that.