Kids using gay as an insult

betsie

I think this is a very common stage boys seem to go through now. My son was exactly the same but I felt the term was used to refer to something they felt was lame.
It all stopped quite quickly in secondary school. His form teacher/english teacher was one of his favourite teachers. He told his class he was gay and spoke to them about relationships/sexuality etc. After that they all stopped saying it.
It will pass.

Peter999_2

We used to call people "Jew" at school when I was a kid (along with Joey etc.).

None of us had any idea what a Jew actually was, you can imagine the fun when a history teacher heard one of us say it. Was quite painful and she let us know exactly what a Jew meant. Didn't stop us saying it though - just not in front of adults anymore.

Its funny really, it wasn't until many years later and I was an adult that Blue Peter had a special on Joey Deacon and it dawned on me that's why we called each other Joey's. I really cringe to think of how horrid we were as kids - but none of us really meant any harm by it. One of my best mates was black and we used to call him the N word all the time (and he used to call me a fat !!!!!!!), again we didn't mean anything by it, it was just silly name calling (other mates were called four eyes and ginger etc). It all stopped when we were about 14 and started to really understand things. I have mentioned it to my mate years afterwards and he never really minded being called it - he said he'd been lucky and not really experienced racism in his life until he'd got older. It hurts a lot more when the name caller is old enough to know better.

We used to call people gay as well, but using the word in the homophobic sense. The thing is, we didn't know anyone who was actually gay so it seemed like there were no such people (like a boogey man). Of course, I've since found out that about 5 of my friends from school are actually gay and they would use the word as much as any of us.

milliebear00001

Most 9 year olds know that gay means two people of the same sex in a relationship. They use the word commonly as an insult. They see 'being gay' in a negative way - something to be laughed at - hence using the word to insult others. Often, using the insult has no bearing on whether or not they believe somebody really is gay, although sometimes it does. Using the word as an insult reinforces the idea that there is something 'negative' about being gay. Some of the kids hearing this stuff, will grow up to be gay, and some have gay parents.

I teach 8 and 9 year olds and have a 9 year old daughter. I don't accept it from my own daughter and would never ignore it in school either, just as I wouldn't accept a child using a racist term (which, by law, must be formally recorded and reported to the LA).

It should be challenged.

gingin_2

pinkshoes wrote: »

It used to mean 'happy', then it meant 'homosexual' and for the last 3 or so years it's meant 'naff/rubbish/lame/pathetic'.

It's a case of "you learn something new every day". I really didn't know that. It shows what an old fart I've become, I guess.

quietheart

milliebear00001 wrote: »

Using the word as an insult reinforces the idea that there is something 'negative' about being gay. Some of the kids hearing this stuff, will grow up to be gay, and some have gay parents.

I teach 8 and 9 year olds and have a 9 year old daughter. I don't accept it from my own daughter and would never ignore it in school either, just as I wouldn't accept a child using a racist term (which, by law, must be formally recorded and reported to the LA).

It should be challenged.

Thank-you for summing up what I'm feeling so well

balletshoes

Gloomendoom wrote: »

That is because it isn't homophobic any more. The meaning has changed... again.

I work with young adults and the term is in common usage, usually used to describe something they don't like or agree with.

yes, I agree with this - if something is described as "gay" by my 11-year old, it means something she doesn't really care for, something she thinks is naff (thanks previous posters, thats the word I was looking for), like "those shoes are gay". Clearly she's not calling a pair of shoes homosexual.

There certainly does appear to be 2 different meanings to the word now, because she does know that gay also means homosexual, and she has no problem with people being homosexual.

fluffnutter

milliebear00001 wrote: »

Most 9 year olds know that gay means two people of the same sex in a relationship. They use the word commonly as an insult. They see 'being gay' in a negative way - something to be laughed at - hence using the word to insult others. Often, using the insult has no bearing on whether or not they believe somebody really is gay, although sometimes it does. Using the word as an insult reinforces the idea that there is something 'negative' about being gay. Some of the kids hearing this stuff, will grow up to be gay, and some have gay parents.

I teach 8 and 9 year olds and have a 9 year old daughter. I don't accept it from my own daughter and would never ignore it in school either, just as I wouldn't accept a child using a racist term (which, by law, must be formally recorded and reported to the LA).

It should be challenged.

Yes, it should be challenged. But it's naive to think that kids won't find inventive ways to insult their mates. Nor is it the case that using the word necessarily reinforces that there's something wrong with being gay. You say that some of the kids hearing this stuff will grow up to be gay. Some of the kids saying this stuff will grow up to be gay (are already gay obv but might not realise).

I, like all my peers, called my school mates '!!!!!!', 'Joey' whatever. I'd have used 'gay' if it was around at the time. I've grown up to be one of the most inclusive, non-prejudiced people I know.

Prejudice is about far more than unthinkingly using words. We must teach children what those words mean of course, and that it's insulting to use them, but just because a kid calls someone 'gay' doesn't mean they're homophobic.

tiger_eyes

I identify as LGBT and it makes me sad when people use the word "gay" to mean "stupid", "pathetic", "worthless", "second-class", or some other variation on "bad". I know it's not always intended as a homophobic insult, and some LGBT people aren't upset by it, but it takes me back to school where being accused of being gay was a mortal insult and I lived in fear of anybody finding out. So I'm grateful to parents who gently teach their children that it's not nice.

fredtheguava

milliebear00001 wrote: »

Using the word as an insult reinforces the idea that there is something 'negative' about being gay. Some of the kids hearing this stuff, will grow up to be gay, and some have gay parents.
It should be challenged.

I agree. And as a gay teacher, I hear it a lot and challenge it every time. No, the kids don't 100% understand what it is that they're saying, or its implication, but how will they ever know if it's not challenged and explained to them?

Maybe I am more sensitive to it, but it's rarely aimed at me. Mostly, it seems, because they're 99% sure I am gay and know that I don't really care if they suspect. I'm certainly not ashamed of it.

I explain the implication: that by using it as a piece of negative terminology, they're suggesting that 'gay' is inherently 'bad'. Many of them are horrified to hear this, and will tell me of a friend or family member who is gay who they love. I try to get them to think how a friend who thinks they might be gay would feel if they hear their friends throwing a word like that around and how scared it would make them to be honest in the future.

Most kids now are far from homophobic. That's why I think it IS important to challenge the use of gay as a derogatory statement. Explain it, and they might stop. They may not - and certainly not straight away - but isn't it our job as adults to teach children how to be good adults? Thoughtful, kind adults who don't use words with such a meaning behind them in a throwaway manner?

(before anyone jumps, I challenge racism, sexism, xenophobia and all of those kinds of things if I hear them, I don't have a gay agenda just because it impacts on me personally. I'm totally comfortable with who I am and no 14 year old is going to change that!)

barbiedoll

I can remember posting on a thread similar to this, a few years ago.

My son still uses the word as an insult, despite our having a few "conversations" about it. We're quite free and easy with the insults in our house, DH calls me "fatty" (I weigh around 8 stone), I call him "old git" (he is quite old lol!) and we call our son "midget" because he's quite small for his age. We have a go at my sister for her ginger hair (quite a lovely shade of gold really) and my mum is the "old dear" everytime she forgets a name. But I really do hate anyone using the term "gay" as an insult, even though, as I posted at the time, my son doesn't equate it with gay people, we have a close family friend who is gay and I've told him time and again that it is a idiotic word for something that is supposed to be stupid or lame. As he told me, it's not "gay" in the homosexual sense, it's "gay" in the stupid sense.....whatever that is supposed to mean.

I don't know what the answer is, kids are generally horrible (as are adults), and they insult each other all the time. My son gets called numerous names due to his height, the current favourites seem to be either "Yoda" or (a new one), "Gremlin". He calls his best mate "Paki boy" (he's from Bangladesh), his german friend is commonly known as "Hitler" (:eek:) and a mate of his who is quite large has been called "Cartman" (horrid kid from South Park) for years. And apparently, a poor male teacher, who is no older than 35 and has blond hair is now known around the school as "Jimmy Savile" :eek::eek:

He rarely says it in front of me nowadays, after I told him that every time I hear him say it, I'm going to make him either sit through "The Sound of Music" or "Glee: The Movie" ....so that he knows what "gay" really means!