Bridesmaids/Flower girl dresses?

Thriftygifty

Sorry, I didnt mean to upset you it wasnt my intention.

But it's your wedding day and you shouldnt be upset and if by having them it will do then it's prob best not to they will get over it, it's your wedding.

DueMarch11

I wouldnt be having them either....my OH has 2 little sisters and MIL2B expected me to have them as bridesmaids, when I said I was only having my sister as a BM and my daughter as a FG they were a bit upset but have soon gotten over it.

And if theyre both football mad I imagine having to wear dresses and act girly for the day would be their worst nightmare!!

notanewuser

At 10 and 12 aren't they a bit old to be flowergirls? I always thought they were little girls.......

Stephb1986_2

notanewuser wrote: »

At 10 and 12 aren't they a bit old to be flowergirls? I always thought they were little girls.......

I think it's sort of a strange age to dress in the wedding world, Some of the bridesmaids dresses I've seen are far too old for them and some of the flowergirl dresses I've seen are far too young for them.

The easiest thing to do is not to have them. Not sure if it will burn bridges with MIL2B and SIL2B.

Steph xx

Meadows

Stephb1986 wrote: »

That's what I said but she said that at the end of the day they are going to be family and to keep the peace I might as well. I would be called all the names under the sun if I don't. I never promised them anything I've not even mentioned it to them. Although Sil2b has asked me who I'm having as bridesmaids.
These are my fiance's sisters kids not kids on my side of the family so it's not neccessarily something my mum wants. I think she thinks it will cause upset and doesn't want me having a argument for the sake of two dresses.
I didn't plan for them in the wedding budget do you think it would be fair if I asked their mum to go half's with me? I'm already slightly over budget by being ripped off Steph xx

I think a lot of assumptions are being made here without proper discussion to be honest.

What does you partner say about all this?

Yes they are future family, but again it is your day and it should be what you as a couple want and not what others want, assume is wanted or assume will cause ill feeling. What about the feelings of the Bride & Groom to be?

As you have no budget for the dresses then talk to the mum/s of the girls and ask them if the girls have been led to believe (by other relatives) that they will be part of the wedding and then say as you had no plans for flower girls and have no budget and that you will be open to them being part but can they pay part towards the dresses. If they so no then you and your partner must decide the best way forward.
Again it is your day do not be pressures into what you don't want.

(Our daughter recently got married, she wanted a small wedding, her choice. I have one brother who lives in Spain and have nor seen or spoken to for twelve years. He was not invited to the wedding and after he told my mum that he was disappointed I did not invite him to the wedding, to which I replied to my mum tough. 1) it was not my place to invite him. 2) Our daughter wanted a small wedding. There is no ill feeling just a little disappointment, but such is life, people move on).

Do you really want your memories of the day to be less than what you wanted?

Justengaged

My OH sister in law expected her daugther to be flower girl, and was saying how excited her daughter was we were getting married, blah blah.... I nipped that straight in the bud (politely) and said I'd asked my own sister to be bridesmaid and that my niece (her daughter) was going to be flower girl.

My side of the family is tiny, wheras OH family is huge and do family functions all the time where the kids are "centre stage, and made to feel special), so it'd mean alot to me and ofc my family, if they got a chance to partake in some family traditions for once as there's not many on my side.

It's terrible having to keep everyone happy, but as everyone says, its your big day, and things should go how you want. Maybe try saying that you want your daughter to feel special being flower girl as it's her mummy getting married. If people don't understand that, then they're not worth getting upset about in the first place - it is difficult though.

We don't hear from his SIL so much now lol... terrible behaviour from an adult, it's pathetic but in the long run a god send, his brother is going to be best man, so her loss!

cte1111

My DD was a bridesmaid last year, wearing one of the BHS bridesmaid dresses. The dress was quite nice, however all 3 needed altering (DD and her 2 cousins), as they were very long and also the shape didn't really fit my DD. This could add to your costs, if you do decide to go ahead with the bridesmaids.

Also don't forget shoes, again this could add to the costs, as they might not have smart enough or appropriate shoes to go with a long dress.

Stephb1986_2

Justengaged it's my partners sisters kids we're talking about, We don't have kids.

I don't see why I should fork out a load of money for something I 1, Don't even want, 2, That will just stress me out and 3, I'm not particularly fond of kids.

I have a niece of my own but I don't see her from one year to the next it breaks my heart that I can't have her there so having my partners nieces makes me feel worse.

I will have to look into the cost of it all and see it we can afford it and or want to afford it.

Steph xx

Sezzagirl

Reading this thread, has anyone actually asked the girls if they would like to be bridesmaids? :undecided

It seems like at the moment you are worrying on a "someone thinks" basis - "Someone" thinks "someone" would be upset if "someone" is not given this job

Could you or your partner not talk to the girls and their Mum and ask if they want/are expecting to be asked to be bridesmaids? You might find that it is the last thing on earth they want:) (but if you do ask them to be bridesmaids without consulting them first, politeness would dictate they say yes and then they would be unhappy at having to "prettify" for the wedding :(and you would be seething at having them there!:(

Just talk to them. At 12 and 10 they are old enough to know what they want. You could also then talk about what they would wear and, you never know, maybe their parents will offer to help out with the outfits.:j

If they don't want to do the whole formal bridemaid gig, maybe there is a little job they could do for you during the day to make them feel special - maybe hold your flowers (if you are having them) and need you hands free for a while?

bubblegumcola

I think you should speak to your other half and just say its not want you want.

I wouldn't want to be made to feel like I HAD to ask somebody to be a bridesmaid just because it made somebody else in the family feel important! It's your day, not theirs and they should respect what you want. Asking somebody to be your bridesmaid is a very special thing, and ultimately up to the bride IMHO.