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does he want me or my money

please feel free to say whatever is on your mind, i just need a bit of advice. i have this man i ve been dating for 3 months then we broke up on his acode. i told him before hand that i was not ready to let him move into my house. i have done well for myself for the past 5 yrs. im 24, got my own house, car, good job. i feed, clothe myself etc. i have always worked hard to get what i want, dont owe anybody anything which something im well proud and thank God for. Now this man wants me back saying that he regrets braking up with me, wants to live with me and look after me. the thing is he does not have anything to his name but good with his mouth, you know like right words at the right time and so forth.

He kinda struggling financially at the moment and going thru some problems. the thing is i do feel sorry for him and i have forgiven him for leaving me the way he did but im not sure what he is after. he does complement my life a LOT so i really don know what to do as i don want to repeat the same mistake twice. Please help!
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Comments

  • Roger_Rampant
    Roger_Rampant Posts: 3,282 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Maybe best not to let him come back on his terms, and if you weren't prepared to let him live with you at that point then surely you have even more reason not to let him move in now?

    Perhaps tell him that you need to rebuild some mutual trust before you could consider anything as drastic as him living with you?
    Thanks to all who post constructively.
    H
    ave an A1 day!
  • momisa
    momisa Posts: 295 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Photogenic Combo Breaker
    Trying to put myself in your shoes...... I'd probably be open minded to dating but having him move in would be an absolute no no.

    I'd be wary of his reasons for wanting to move in. I can understand that he could see it as helping his finances but you only dated for 3 months which isn't that long.

    If you genuinely still fancy this guy, have yourself some fun and go back to dating him. You're still young and there are plenty of folks out there of which I'm sure you have your pick. If he's not open to dating then I'd be tempted to ditch him as it's clear that you're not ready for him to move in.
  • Madmel
    Madmel Posts: 798 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper Mortgage-free Glee!
    I agree with the other posters. Yes, enjoy spending time with him, have fun and rebuild the trust. But don't give up your independence so quickly. If he moves in, it has to be on your terms, when you feel ready to trust him, and it doesn't sound like you are at that point right now.

    Personally, I'd keep him at arms length to see just how keen he was, making sure I enjoyed my freedom and friends before settling down, but that's just my opinion, which you are welcome to ignore. Good luck with it all!
    M
  • ailuro2
    ailuro2 Posts: 7,540 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    I have to agree with the others.

    Also- ask him where he sees the living together thing going- marriage, babies ,spending the rest of your lives together??

    That's the reason lots of people move in with each other, not just so he can look after you. He's wanting someone to share his financial burden. IF he goes pale you will have your answer.;)

    What if you move in with him and rent out your house?

    I'd ask him lots of awkward questions. If he loves you enough he will understand why you are asking. Please tread carefully, if you aren't convinced, then be very careful.
    Member of the first Mortgage Free in 3 challenge, no.19
    Balance 19th April '07 = minus £27,640
    Balance 1st November '09 = mortgage paid off with £1903 left over. Title deeds are now ours.
  • paddy's_mum
    paddy's_mum Posts: 3,977 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    ailuro2 beat me to it. I was also going to suggest that you and your friend arrange to rent a place together, with the bills split absolutely 50 -50. I think you will find that he will back off fast or else get whiney and ask "don't you love me babe - won't you let me take care of you?"

    Where is he living now? Let slip that you are contemplating renting your home to some cousins and would you be able to move in with him if the need arose.

    I think that the fact you are posting about this is answering your own questions. The alarm bells are quietly ringing in your head, aren't they? Good luck with it.
  • Mandles
    Mandles Posts: 4,121 Forumite
    You sound like you know the answer in your heart from your post. He probably is in for a free ride. I'd go with how you feel. Someone i know had a OH like that .She paid all bills and mortgage and couldn't afford to go out anywhere and he had a great social life as thats where all his money went, on him and his mates...it didn't last!
    I'd say lets leave it all together or either get together again but accept that we are not moving in together.
  • full-time-mum
    full-time-mum Posts: 1,962 Forumite
    If you like him enough, then, by all means, continue some sort of friendship, meeting up for a drink, going to a film, walk in the park, picnics or whatever is your thing. However, having someone move in is a massive step to take especially after such a short time and after such a break up.
    You have recognised that he has "the gift of the gab" and obviously have your doubts so I would say tread very, very carefully and take things very very slowly.

    I know a bloke who was engaged, GF had a panic attack and walked out, out of the blue. She was forgiven and the wedding was back on in a few months time. They got married but after 2 years, she just walked out, no mediation, no talking, no trying to resolve things. We all wish bloke had taken the advice to postpone the wedding by 6-12 months as he might not now be a divorcee and wasted all that money and emotional energy.
    7 Angel Bears for LovingHands Autumn Challenge. 10 KYSTGYSES. 3 and 3/4 (ran out of wool) small blanket/large square, 2 premie blankets, 2 Angel Claire Bodywarmers
  • I think if you're at all in doubt, then that says it all :confused:

    Your reasons for considering it are that he compliments your life and you feel sorry for him - are you crazy about him? Do you want to be with him all the time? If not don't let him into your home.

    How upset were you when he ended things? I'm sorry but your post doesn't even sound like you want to be in a relationship with him?
  • iceicebaby
    iceicebaby Posts: 3,633 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    The fact that you have doubts enough to ask on here says it all really.

    Still see each other but you dont have to do the moving in thing yet. If he wants to be with you as much as he says he will understand. 3 months is not long anyway before moving in wioth someone
    Baby Ice arrived 17th April 2011. Tired.com! :j
  • lemontart
    lemontart Posts: 6,037 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    no way let him move in, you have not known him long enough and how on earth does he intend to look after you or is he after being a kept man.............

    sorry if that sounds a little strong but little old fashioned re things like that whilst I do not want to be a kept woman and never have been I have no intention of keeping a man either .
    I am responsible me, myself and I alone I am not the keeper others thoughts and words.
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