right to see the kids

dazrs

Hi me and my wife split in november she move 120 miles away so it makes it hard to see the kids I miss them loads, so I try and see them once every 2 weeks and go by train as it cheaper but she makes it awkward for me it involves 2 trains, she was then on about me having kids for weekend but I have take the car and it 480 mile journey for me unfortunately as well as all the traveling and cant afford it. So I was all excited when I booked a week off for nxt month so I could have the kids, told her and she said I cant have them all week it not fair on her, I said I have the right to see my kids.
She basically said I have no rights to seee the kids, they have the right to see you, is this true were do I stand as it would be goood to have them for the week, but prob got to comprimise for a few days now. She not even to travel a bit for me to meet them so I could have them for the weekend. Do I need to seek legal advice now.

DUTR

You know the answer is to seek legal advice and get a court agreement of visitation, the Mum does not call all the shots and create all the laws.

kevin137

She is right in as far as the children have a right to know and see both parents.

However, this goes both ways, if there is no order for custody and you picked them up for the weekend and just never took them back, then would you of broken any law, you wouldn't but you would probably get arrested for it...

I am not suggesting you do this, but the law is an !!! when it comes to Access for Children, and Custody, get it sorted legally as soon as you can, and don't leave it too long, make an application for joint custody to make it very clear that you want the same as she does. I know the reality is this will not work, but if you have had a good relationship with the kids to date and they are old enough, then why should you not have them for longer than SHE is dictating....!

kingfisherblue

I'm a single mum and I think it is dreadful the way some parents don't allow easy access. It seems really unfair that you are having to pay all the travel costs to see your children, as she is the one who chose to move away.

My ex tried to make me do the majority of the travelling even though he moved to a different part of the country. I spoke to my solicitor, who wrote to his solicitor, and I now do some of the travelling, but he does most of it. It was his choice to move, and I have never denied access. I don't suppose it helped that I was fighting to get him to pay maintenance at the time either - I know support and access are not linked, but it certainly didn't help him.

Even though it costs, you might want to consider a solicitor to sort out access arrangements if your ex is unwilling to be reasonable. I believe that you can do this yourself, including representing yourself in court, but I don't have enough knowledge to advise. I used the solicitor because my divorce was already very messy - my ex denied that our son was disabled even though he receives high rates of DLA for both care and mobility and has several lifelong disabilities!

Good luck

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

how old are the children?

justlooking2012

You need to see a solicitor, I saw one and I now have both children living with me. If you earn good money then it will cost loads(it cost me 50k upwards for me) but if you are not earning that much then you are entitled to legal aid and you only pay a percentage of your earnings. She is right that it is the children that have the rights to see their parents and not the other way round but thats all she is right about.
The minimum you can expect is to have them every weekend and half of holidays provided there are no welfare issues, which it does not sound like there is as she gives you unsupervised contact.
Go and see a solicitor NOW as legal aid for family help is changing soon and it will be a lot harder, even if your not entitled to legal aid it is relatively easy to do it yourself.
The best thing I can tell you to do at this moment is to write everything down, save text messages, write down when you called her and what was said etc. Judges like a clear and concise history.
but SEE A SOLICTOR AS SO AS YOU CAN

guruchelles

justlooking2012 wrote: »

The minimum you can expect is to have them every weekend and half of holidays provided there are no welfare issues, which it does not sound like there is as she gives you unsupervised contact.

Are you certain about this bit? This would leave the PWC with no weekend time with the children, which seems a little unfair.

DUTR

guruchelles wrote: »

Are you certain about this bit? This would leave the PWC with no weekend time with the children, which seems a little unfair.

I'm sure you know the poster means every other weekend!
Fair? Is the current set up fair? I suppose it's ok while the OP is being bullied?

justlooking2012

guruchelles wrote: »

Are you certain about this bit? This would leave the PWC with no weekend time with the children, which seems a little unfair.

Yes I did mean every other weekend.
Then again a friend who went through the same thing was awarded three weekends out of four so anything is possible

duchy

Are the children at school and was this week next month half term ?

Did you just assume you could have them all week -or did you discuss it with her first? I can see that she might not want to be without them all week too....or feel it is too long away from Mum if they are small. She may just have got cross that you assumed you would have them for the whole week without asking her if she had made plans with them already.

Rights are one thing but communication between parents is preferable even if at times it is hard work !

Alpine

Sadly, there is little you can do. I went through the same thing, but I had a very good and honest solicitor. She said that I could spend thousands of pounds going through the courts to get visitation rights, but in the end it is a worthless piece of paper. Why? Because there is not a single court in the land that would send a mother to prison (or punish her in any way) if she continued to mess you about with access as it would affect the children adversely.

If you want to see your kids, it may pain you, but you need to be as nice as you can to your ex, don't plan anything around the kids without having her express permission and be as flexible as you can be.