Time to come clean ?

Pickle49

What is LBM and DH ..... Anyone ?

666paw

LBM is light bulb moment.
DH is dear husband

Hope that helps.

clairey_em

Take a deep breath and just tell him! I agree with having some sort of plan put together so it does look like you are taking them seriously and want to do something about them.

Go for it! You will feel so much better!xx

Catslovelycats

clairey_em wrote: »

Take a deep breath and just tell him! I agree with having some sort of plan put together so it does look like you are taking them seriously and want to do something about them.

Go for it! You will feel so much better!xx

Hello Pickle. You have my sympathies. I agree with clairey. Just tell him. I'm not sure there will ever be a 'good time' to do it and it will just mean you never get round to it. Having a plan of action etc, as others have said, will show him you're not just dumping in him and that you're taking control. He may well be angry/disappointed at first, but he will come round and you'll feel so much better for it.
All the best.
Please let us know how it goes and if there's anything else we can help with.
:beer:

Pickle49

Thank you people. I do have a plan in place. I can meet the minimum repayments and I have never defaulted or fallen behind but I think to tackle it more constructively I need it to be out in the open. I Have the opportunity to do more hours at work...maybe even full time, which I am willing to do as I want to throw as much as I can, as quickly as I can at the debts to rid them from my life, but then he will want to know where the extra money has gone. I will also attempt to shift the credit card debts onto 0% balance ones in which case he will be likely to see communication and things coming through the post. As a little extra problem....this time last year I was the victim of id theft and fraud on one of my catalogue accounts..it was all sorted out and I agreed to a CIFAS marker being put onto my credit file to protect me against anything further. Because of that, when/if I try to get a consolidation loan or card I have to go through the rigmarole of having to prove I am who I say I am, which means much more communication ie; letters and phone calls than what anyone normally would have to do.
All in all, it means its harder to tackle the debt in secret.

Ps. I don't intend getting a consolidation loan, I want to to do it the good old fashioned way, working harder, earning more and spending less.

ButterflyBee

Hello Pickle,

Do tell us, have you "come clean" yet and told the other half.

Not only do you have this big hurdle to overcome, many of us are in a similar situation in one way or another. This has been a year of facing the fact that I must make inroads to get to my final destination of being debt free as well and although it is only the very beginning of 2013 every day behind us is a day closer to achievement.

I look forward to reading your story of success.:T

moneypanicker

I too was on the receiving end but i wasn't told, I found out. That i think made it 100 times worse. I wish he had told me but he kept it secret and that is what i struggle to forgive him for. I've tried to get past it but he keeps doing it - secrets and lies. We had marriage councelling last year and at the moment I think it is ok but I'm worried that it will happen again. I am finding it very difficult to trust him.

My advice is tell him before he finds out coz he will at some point.

castortroy28

Hi pickle49...

I feel for you I really do. I myself had this issue last year and it ate me up...

for years since university I had debt issues. They werent so bad at first as I could afford the repayments. After uni I was still paying off a few things but my gambling got worse and it still carried on.

My parents never really knew what was going on. They always thought that I was okay and even though my dad asked me for my bank statements and things I always avoided it and thought it was my dad being nosey.

the gambling started getting out of control and not only was I maxed out on my credit cards, I started to get into the payday loan trap. At the time my parents still didnt know but it was getting untenable.. I couldnt afford my payments and then the penny dropped.

I was putting in money for an isa which my dad wanted me too but i then had to withdraw money to pay some payday loans.. my dad one day checked the balance (which technically was illegal since it wasnt in his name) and found out that I only had 24p in there.

Thats was the last straw he came upto see me with my mum and it all came out... the debts, the gambling, how unhappy I was.

My mum knew there was something wrong but she couldnt quite figure it out. She knew that I wanted to end it all but said to me that my youngest brother would have been devastated if that had happened, since he was only 18. That was it really ... I didnt kill myself because of him..

Anways... since that point I have paid off my payday loans and pretty much everything else.

My parents helped me out and I have paid them back. My dad shares a joint account with me now so he knows how much i spend and get paid. I try to keep to a strict budget some weeks better than others but I no longer spend all my wages in one go.

The moral for me really is, you have to tell your OH.... the guilt will consume you and for one phone call from one friend. I would have jumped off a building and ruined so many peoples lives.

Its not the end of the world..we can solve these things. Judging by the other responses here there are enough people who have these issues and if we can help you and other people overcome these things the better....

nanto3girls

Was hoping we might have had an update.