Time to come clean ?

Pickle49

Hi
Where to start. I've been in debt for about 10 years. Credit cards, loans, catalogue accounts, overdrafts and store cards...just about everything really. I don't know how I got in this state. It started off with a little bit if catalogue shopping and then a couple of store cards and the age old myth " ooh, this is a nice easy way to have things ". Of course, we all know its not true ! It snowballed into getting a loan to consolidate the debts, but then having a zero balance on the cards it was all too easy and too tempting to not start spending on them again. Ths was mostly all accumulated from a few years ago when credit was so easy to obtain..it almost seemed rude to say no thanks ...anyway to cut to the chase, they now total just over £20,000 !! My stomach literally turns over as I write that. ... I am working part time and more or less all of my wages goes on servicing these debts, I need to change this and sort it out, it's making me ill with worry...and here is the biggest worry. - my darling husband doesn't know about them. I am so ashamed, I'm desperate to tell him but I don't know how and I don't feel it's fair to burden him with the worry. I can barely cope with the debts and the repayments but keeping it from him is eating away at me. Once he knows and it's all out in the open I feel I can cope with the debts better and in a more constructive way. Has anybody else hidden their debts from their loved ones and eventually came clean...was it ok..was it better..was it worse. ?

gardenlady_2

I was the partner kept in the dark...I was SO angry believe me, but I am still with him and we are sorting it out together. He had to tell me because he was made redundant and literally couldn't pay the minimums anymore, but I really wish he had told me before he HAD to and we could have been sorting it all out sooner. It is hard for me, I am paying all the bills, mortgage everything now and what little income he has goes on the debts- he is on a debt management plan.
Be brave and tell him, it must be awful for you having to keep this secret. Good luck and keep reading/posting as it will give you support and motivation. I am slightly addicted...

Pickle49

Thank you gardenlady. I want to tell him before I 'have' to. It helps to get an answer from the other point of view. I bloody hate money...it shouldn't really have any importance in our lives, whats important is love, kindness and compassion, but sadly, not only does it have importance but it can become the be all and end all, overshadowing the real things that matter.

climbingoutoftheabyss

I was in your shoes Pickle and confessing was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But I did it, and once it was out in the open it was a huge weight off my shoulders.

In hindsight, keeping everything to myself was hugely damaging to my own health and wellbeing and once my wife knew then we were able to take steps to sort out our problems.

My very best wishes to you and good luck.

ButterflyBee

Oh Hello Pickle.
What a dilemma and I understand 100% how you feel but the fact that you worry about it and have posted on this site is the first very big step in starting the recovery from debt.

Tell him and then you can exhale and find the solution together. Remember a a problem shared is a problem halved.

Start A diary and keep posting. We will always be here to offer advice and more support.

Pickle49

Thank you climbingoutoftheabyss it is heartening to hear other people's comments of support and always nice to know that your not the only one. I'm beginning to see that you have to reach absolute rock bottom with it all to appreciate the scale of the problem and to want to resolve the problem. It's a hard lesson to learn and I can't wait to be rid of this millstone round my neck...never ever again !

Well done to you on reducing your debt to the extent that you have.:T

Pickle49

Thanks butterflybee. In the half hour that has passed since I posted my first comment, I feel better already. I know it's the right thing to do, just trying to pluck up the courage. Why am I so scared, I've dealt with worse things in life..

heartbreak_star

Good luck Pickle! I am sure all will be well. Lots of hugs!

HBS x

Lucy1010

Bless you OP, just when you think you're in a horrible siutation, along comes another poster with an even bigger dilemma :-(

I can understand why you haven't told your husband (my partner doesn't know about mine) but as you are feeling desperate it's definitely time to sit down and have that chat.

Wishing you lots of good luck

Lucy x

megan01

OP tell him but don't just tell him and then stare. Do a SOA on here, find out exactly how you can cut back, pay debts back etc, set up a spending diary, look for more hours etc, basically show you have a plan of action so that your partner will see you're going to tackle it.

PRINCESSPOOR

Hello Pickle and Lucy, I am also in the same situation as you, maybe we can support each other. My DH has no idea I'm in so much debt and would be devastated if he found out. I know some posters are saying you need to tell your partners but I fully understand why you might find that too difficult. I really don't want to tell my husband and I don't think I will until I have to.
Good luck Pickle, I hope you do manage to pluck up the courage and I hope he's understanding after the initial shock. I look forward to your updates