66k in dbt and no one to talk to.

taxi73

Hi there and welcome...you are in the right place now and I haven't got much to add as the above posters have said all the things I was going to say...just wanted to send hugs and to let you know you are not alone

natters_2

We owe about the same as you - and although it has been very difficult slowly we are getting there - you will get lots of threats that will at first seem very frightening - they will try and trip you up and badger you into paying more than you can afford - I now have most of my creditors freezing the charges and accepting lower payments (bet you can all guess MBNA isn't one of them!) - they cannot have what you haven't got - as soon as you accept that fact it becomes easier to be blunt when the annoying phonecalls come in and make them accept the fact that you know how the game is played

The first thing I would look at is your phone/broadband and TV

I pay £30 a month for all 3 through virgin

Training yourself to buy less is the thing I found the hardest to begin with - now I find I am constantly challenging myself to get each weeks shop for less

I guess you have also had lots of late payment charges and overlimit fees - maybe you can try and reclaim those too

Good luck

danno_4

hi lonley two.
first things first.it is very sad that you thought about doing things because of your debt problem.you are not alone by the way.Listern to me it is just a debt!!.Lets get posotive.The thing that concerns me is your husband,i really think that you should inform him because one would think sooner or later he will find out.and not only that you need support.You say you are being threatened with a creditor putting a charge on your property.let me tell you this if a writ is served make an offer on it,only make an offer on what you can afford,fill in the papers that they give asking for an income & expenditure
form.that will go before the judge he will then or should make an order baised on the information you have provided.they will get judgement.now if they then procede and seek an interim order for a charging order then when the papers come through giving you a date to enable them to get the interim order to stay on,you must put a defence in telling the court why you want to defend it.
take note of this your defence;
i do not agree with the charge because it would be unfair on my other unsecured creditor's because it would give them preferential status over other unsecured creditor's and there for prejudice the rights of those creditor's.Also i am not prepaired to let an unsecured to became a secured debt.Further more if you refer to MERCANTILE BANKv ELLIS & OTHERS;March 11th 1987,the appeals court ruled;If an offer of payment as been axcepted by a court and the defendent as kept up payments then the charging order will not be allowed;
i know i'v gone on a bit but these things that have worried you upset me as i deal with these circumstances a lot.I Aso dislike the bully boys in the debt industry that try to bully people especially woman.if i can help any more you can contact me.
Hope it all works for you
god bless
danno

lessonlearned

Hi there.

Well done for taking the first steps and discovering this site - you will get loads of help and remember you are not alone. There are loads of very knowledgeable people who will help and advise you, and everyone is very supportive. We are all in the same boat.

About your OH. Try not to keep this secret to yourself any longer. You need as much help and support as you can get - not just here in the MSE world but in the "real" world as well.

Try and read Moozie's thread. She had a similar dilemma (I'm sure that's spelt wrong) to you. She was terrified of telling her OH but eventually she did. Now they are working together to sort things out.

If you OH loves you he will be glad you confided in him, he probably suspects something is wrong anyway.

My advice is - this is all very new to you and it is easy to feel overwhelmed and disheartened. Remember - baby steps to start with and you will get there. It may not be easy to clear the debts but you will soon start to feel in control again and that you've got your life back.

Keep posting.

chevalier

my comments are in blueAnyhow I am now going to try to attempt putting my SOA here.

So here it goes.

Firstly: Lightbulb moment 23/04/07

Earnings 790.00 after tax (however have just been offered f/time hours so will increase a bit more)
OH brings home 350.00 per weekso this is £1327 a month
c/benefit 80 per month I think
tax credit 38.00 per month based on your monthly wages is this correct? Are you paying back overpayments? If not have a look on https://www.entitledto.co.uk to see if you can claim anything else.


out goings Mortgate 510.00 per month (interest only)
council tax 100.00 p/month
elec/gas 72.00 p/monththese are quite high. Have a look at https://www.uswitch.com to see if you can get it cheaper. If you do check to see if you can get more cash back by switching via https://www.quidco.com
water 90.00p/month This is very high. Do you have hippos in your cisterns? (save a litre of water a flush and free from your water company). Also obvious things like getting a water butt so you can water the garden from there rather than from tap water. Don't pressure wash your car use sponge and water instead.
phone/sky 35.00p/monthas others have said can you get the combined package and save, or even cut sky all together?
b/band 19.99 p/monthas above
child care 68.00 p/monthis this in addition to the 5 free sessions?
car /petrol etc approx100.00 pm/month x2 (oh car)does this include the car tax, insurance, mot, servicing?
food etc 450.00 approxI would think you could halve this by careful meal planning, then making a list of what you need just for those meals, and then sticking to it. I also alternate my shopping so that 2 weeks out of 5, I do an online shop (and get free delivery code, or a code for extra points). This stops me impulse buying and keeps me to a budget. The other two weeks out of 5 I do a shop in the store, and on week 5 it is really only a veggie shop, as I have batch cooked enough to pretty much see us through the week. There are lots of cheap healthy meals on the Old Style board, which cost pence.

debts:- Eggloan 51000.00
goldfish 9118.00
sainsburys visa 5333.00
cap one 3208.00
morgan stanly 9445.00
monument 5300.00
tescos visa 7300.00
HFO services 9059.00
DLC 1863.86
Link financial 10318.00 ( these people scare me as they keep threatening me with court for charge on my house, the were the reason I tried to commit suicide)
In the end though I would defo contact CCCS or Payplan, as they can arrange for you to make more manageable payments. Do you have any bank/credit charges to claim back? This is something you could involve your OH in (ie doing it for all your accounts), without letting on about the debt.

Would he be violent if you told him about the debt? Can telling him really be worse than attempting suicide because of the debt? Surely you did not run this up JUST on things for YOU. So he has enjoyed the benefit of what you have bought, even if he has been ignorant of how you have been paying for it.

Good luck
chev
Total unsecured debt 66044.86 ps you may have BEEN ashamed, but now you are taking action you hold you head up high!

lonely2

Hi. I'm in exactly the same position as you. Definitely can't tell my OH and don't know how I am going to cope. I am on medication which does not solve my problem but does take away the sick feeling in mytomach a bit and stops the heart racing from morning till night. I know the advice about telling is well intentioned but right now I just cannot follow it. I believe if I get myself on track then maybe I can tell him in about 6 months as I will be feeling more positive about myselfand ready for his reaction which I'm fairly sure willbe to walk. One thing at a time eh! I have my own post on here and am also looking for advice. Do seek advice from your doc re your health as you need to be strong. Right now I can't offer you any advice, only support, as I don't yet know the way out myself. I do think someone on here will help me in the right direction and if I have any help for you I will definitely let you know. I would greatly appreciate if you would keep me posted on your progress as well. Please don't view this as a negative post as it's here to show you that you're not on your own. Feel free to message me. Take care. Things will get better. Hugs to you.

kittycat07

You might be feeling a bit lonely - but you're not alone.

I would echo what others have said so far.

£450 per month for food is on the high side - why not have a look at the "old style" board - you'll get some hints on cutting your food bill down - probably quite substaintially - just think if you were able to half it you'd have paid off another £3k without even noticing it!

Also broadband / phone seem high. We're with Virgin and there are some other suppliers out there too - you should be able to cut a decent amount off of that.

It's def worth contacting your bank if you've been charged late payments or anything of that nature - my little bro managed to get more than £900 back (it's scary to think that's how much he managed to rack up over the years).

Other than that - keep scouring the boards - send off for as many freebies as you can - there are loads of good ideas to save a little (or lot) here and there. Let us know how you get on.

clearskies

Hi, just to say well done for what you've achieved so far - I know it might not seem like much but you've taken the first step and that's always the hardest. I know it's not easy facing up to debt, especially when you're trying to keep it from your husband and be a mum, run a home and hold down a job - I know I've been there. If you really don't feel that you can tell your OH just yet remember you're not alone, there are a lot of great people on this site at all hours of the day and night and it is so reassuring to know that help is only a click away.

Keep your chin up and keep posting. You'll soon find that you're feeling stronger and more able to cope and on the days you can't, well, that's what we're here for!

(((hugs)))

slippyhelen

Hi,
I felt for you reading your post. I know about debt and I know about secrets and they both eat you up if you let them.

It feels like you owe more than you'll ever earn, but to the companies hassling you you're (as someone's already said) just a small fish. The guys in the call centres are instructed to push and push and push - I had one woman from Mercers (a debt collection dept of barclays) telling me I had ten minutes to pay £200 (which might well have been a million because i didn't have a penny) and no matter what I said to her she just said the same thing over and over like a trained monkey until I simply said, Look I don't have the money but I will hang myself at 3pm and I will pin a note onto my jacket with your name on it and you can come and collect from my estate once I'm dead.
It was literally the only thing that stopped her tirade.
I was not being flip, a man I knew took his own life last year because of debt, because he'd lost his home and had no hope etc etc and I wish he had shared with people because had he done this he may have realised there are many many ways to sort out debt and money is never ever worth a life.

The road to recovery can even be quite enjoyable! Check out the Ways To Cut Back. There's something for everyone on that board. I promise you once you get positive you'll find resources you never believed you had. Once you talk openly to someone they can get it into some sort of perspective and stop you borrowing more. Some of the credit card companies, for instance, will, after you've shown them a SOA, freeze your interest and accept much much smaller payments. And that's just the beginning. It is NOT the end of the world. So many solutions surround you, you just have to find the right combination and in the meantime stop stop stop being anxious about it, it's paralysing and actually no use to man nor beast.
I wish you the very best of luck and feel if you trawl these boards you'll find many many wonderful people in the same boat (but rowing to shore!) who will gladly help you help yourself and you'll look back and breathe a deep gulp of relief, knowing everything is in your control and everything will get better. be strong!!!!X

doitmyself

lonelytoo wrote: »

Hi there again, still very new to this , but so many of you replied to my first thread I burst into tears at the releif I am not alone anymore. So big thanks for that you are lifesavers literally.

Wasn't so long ago I stupidly tried to take overdose re this,(idiot).
As I said befor can't tell OH as I am sure he will leave me and my son


Anyhow I am now going to try to attempt putting my SOA here.

So here it goes.

Firstly: Lightbulb moment 23/04/07

( these people scare me as they keep threatening me with court for charge on my house, the were the reason I tried to commit suicide)
Total unsecured debt 66044.86 v ashamed :eek:

Excuse me lonelytoo but never mind silly socalled lightbulb moments and here today gone tomorrow strangers on a web forum advising you to change gas supplier or cancel your sky sub or whatever, you're £66k in debt you say, and you can't tell the man you're married to?!

Telling him has to be step 1. He'll either work with you to get it sorted which, as your partner he should or he'll p1ss off as you suspect he will. Either way you'll be a good deal better off financially (and emotionally) or in the same situation financially but without the added pressure of trying to hide a £66k debt from your partner!

You have no chance of paying this off and as such you're doing yourself no favours thinking or hoping you can.
What help are you getting in respect of your relationship?