5 year old struggling at school

grass_is_greener

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thatlemming

If she's near the top of the class do you think she might just be bored? Hence why she wants to get involved with others so she's got something to do? I used to do that when I started school, as soon as they gave me something challenging to do it stopped completely.

thunderbird

How long has she been at school? Is she in year 1 or reception?

downsizer3

I knew a couple who's son was similar in behaviour - needed certain colour plates, wouldn't eat 'broken' things - like biscuits, short attention span - that sort of thing.
Eventually - with help from the school and doctors he was found to be particularly bright - not ADHD - so these issues can come from very different sources.
Worth going back to the school and asking if they can help you find someone who can work with you to assess your child. 5 is still very young and may settle down - but I'm sure you'd like to know!

gingin_2

grass_is_greener wrote: »

I'm not sure where to begin so please bear with me ....

I have a 5 year old with my husband, she is an only child and I feel that's where the problems might lie.

I have been called in to school today to speak to the teachers as she is struggling to concentrate in school. They seem to be going down the ADHD route but this is something I find difficult to believe (or maybe I don't want to). From what I can gather, she can be disruptive and finds it hard to stick to her work and seems to want to get involved in what others are doing. However, she is doing well and although one of the youngest, is near the top of the class. She struggles to continue relationships with friends but is quite popular and is always pursued by the other children in the playground.

She doesn't seem happy at home at the moment and is quite tearful and having outbursts which are becoming more frequent. However, she will concentrate on one thing for hours at home and is easy to have around until something upsets her. She rarely watches TV (only for half an hour in the morning before school) and I do punish her for the bad behaviour (favourite toys are removed/:she doesn't get a bed time story). I don't know what I am doing wrong or where I can go for help. I took her to the GP and they said they wouldn't refer her as they felt she was too young and did not fall into an ADHD classification in any way. I'm struggling with where I can go for help, I have another meeting with the teachers today so I want to go armed with the right questions to get her the help she needs.

I wrote a similar thread about my son in my early days of MSE. I was adamant my son didn't have it, gut feeling as a mother and behaviour at home was indicative that this was not the case. The stress of it all ate away at me. I had 2 different teachers at different schools telling me the same thing. It seemed the adhd label was very easy to say for teachers.

I took him to the doctor, decided to lead off the front foot, mainly because I needed a sanity check and the doctor took one look at him sitting there happily and asked me what I thought and said it was most likely nonsense. I let the school get him assessed as we had nothing to lose by it and of course it came up with nothing.

DS settled over the years, remained the class clown, at primary school still had to be reminded to concentrate and settle down but remained bright and in the top sets. He's almost 13 now, is one of the most chilled out, laid back, self-assured, pleasant and funny almost-teenagers I know. I'm so proud of him.

I'm sorry to waffle on about myself but I am sure I wrote almost identically what you did all those years ago and I wanted to reassure you.

I would offer the school your support in getting strategies in place for your daughter but maybe seek independent advice from your GP if you need a sanity check.

LandyAndy

thunderbird wrote: »

How long has she been at school? Is she in year 1 or reception?

Year 1 I presume as she is 5 and one of the youngest in the class

thunderbird

LandyAndy wrote: »

Year 1 I presume as she is 5 and one of the youngest in the class

sorry, missed that!

5 years old is still very young to be expecting perfect, hard-working behavour in the classroom and at that age they change best friends every week or so! In many countries she wouldn't be at school yet.
However, the fact that you said she has become upset at home suggests that maybe there is something bothering or unsettling her.

Personally I would be inclined to accept advice on a medical condition from a gp than a teacher - you could always ask for a second opinion from another gp if you want?

gingin_2

grass_is_greener wrote: »

They seem to be going down the ADHD route but this is something I find difficult to believe (or maybe I don't want to).:o

I am glad it helped, above is exactly how I felt, you think if a teacher says it ( and for me it was more than one teacher) it must be right but the voice inside your head is saying this can't be true. The best thing I did was go to the doctor, I think I just about burst into tears and said " I don't want my son on drugs he doesn't need to be" ( I was in fear I would be pressurised by the school into getting him medicated) before she calmed me down.

The other thing is don't blame yourself, particularly by saying he is an only child. I thought maybe my parenting was to blame, that I hadn't been strict enough, that I had encouraged a wayward 5 year old but I have a daughter 4 years younger whose problem is exactly the opposite, is far too quiet and shy, tries desperately to do everything right and that too is a worry but not for school because quiet = well behaved = easy child to teach, so no need to worry, despite me bringing it up a number of times to her teacher. You can't win as a parent!

bonjen3

teachers dont suggest ADHD lightly, it may well be that she is just acting the class clown but it may not. I would get her assessed by an ed psych, sticking your head in the sand and not facing up to the possibility of adhd is not helpful.

marisco_2

grass_is_greener wrote: »

From what I can gather, she can be disruptive and finds it hard to stick to her work and seems to want to get involved in what others are doing. However, she is doing well and although one of the youngest, is near the top of the class. She struggles to continue relationships with friends but is quite popular and is always pursued by the other children in the playground.

I took her to the GP and they said they wouldn't refer her as they felt she was too young and did not fall into an ADHD classification in any way.

I agree with your GP. Your lovely daughter sounds like a normal 5 year old finding her feet as she settles into the routines and structures of her school life.

Did your daughter attend a nursery or pre-school? How was her behaviour and interaction between her peers and carers there? Did she have the opportunity to mix with other children at playgroups or by you visiting friends or family with children? How did the teacher in her reception class find her? Also bare in mind that as one of the youngest in her class her social skills knowledge and maturity level could be up to 11 months behind the eldest.

In year 1, learning is still based around play. However it is a step up from recpetion year and children are expected to gradually settle and to do slightly harder work. In subtle ways the children will be learning good listening skills, how to follow instructions and to work co-operatively together. Some pick this up very fast and others take a little more time.

Her apparent distraction could be down to being overwhelmed by the things around her. She may love looking at all the lovely displays that many classes have around the walls. Exciting activities like painting, role play whilst dressing up etc may overstimulate her. She might not have the maturity yet to know how to calm herself down. This could explain why she is emotional at home, simply getting way over tired. How is her eating? Is she sleeping okay?

A huge part of learning is to talk to and discuss ideas with her peers. By looking at and getting involved with what other children are doing she might just be trying to share her learning experience. This is not a bad thing and it is up to the teacher to set a level for this.

I am a teacher of year 3 children but have worked in recpetion and year 1. You sound very anxious and worried about this situation, when this should be a time when you are happy and excited about how your child is doing and all the new experiences she is having. Well done for checking things out with the GP. Do go back in and talk things through with the teacher. Stay calm and agree to work with them in helping your child to settle and feel happy at school. Where I teach our main concern is that each child is happy and calm in their environment. If they dont feel this way it impacts hugely on how they learn and develop. Your daughters school should want to make sure this is the case for her too.

natbags

I had similar problems with my son when he was in year 2. He was also quite loud, the class clown, very bright, always finished his work then started to disrupt others, and school got tired of this. Because various people started to notice how loud he was, I asked for a hearing test. The doctor who carried out the hearing test suggested ADHD - long story short, is that they can easily carry out the connors test (which was as she suggested) and actually my son does have ADHD. Over the years we have learnt to deal with my son and his condition, he is very bright, top of the class and now doing really well at school, at home and in all his other activities. My advice is don't be afraid to get it checked out, even if it just helps you 'rule it out' because in the case of my son who is now 11, we all understand whats going on in his head and hes not just the 'loud and naughty' kid and i'm really proud of how he has dealt with it