Living with the ex!

jessimacalucy87

Evening all, getting so frustrated, myself and my long term partner broke up back in august and neither of us had the money to move out till now, I finally move out on the 31st Jan to move in with my new partner.

it has been a strain living with him at the best of times, he doesnt know about the new bf and told me that as he is doing me the favour letting me live under his roof he did not want me meeting anyone else until im out, so keeps a constant eye on me and when he does suspect more is going on he treats me as if i have been cheating on him and has said various threats about if he ever finds out who this new man is...one being he doesnt care how big he is (my ex is a small man) as hes not going to be able to stand up against a knife!

issue is now is that I am 6 weeks pregnant and panicking a little as he has come back today from work telling me he thinks he may have shingles, having never had chickenpox before im panicking now over the baby yet cant tell him about my concerns due to then admitting everythign about the new man...anyone happen to know how likely i am to catch it if i keep my distance from him during this time

dundeediva

hi,

Sounds frightening! So glad you're moving out! For the shingles aspect, phone your midwife if you've had your booking appointment. If not, call your doctors but speak to them first before going into the surgery, just in case you are contagious. They take bloods to check for immunity (you might be immune anyway). I don't really know what else to add as I don't know what would happen. Just be very careful, can you maybe stay with a friend or family until the shingles has passed? Good luck and congrats on the pregnancy :T

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

you don't need to tell him about the baby but you do need to move out tonight for the safety of yourself and your unborn child.

If you wait until 31st january you will most likely catch the virus.

jessimacalucy87

I have no where to go though unfortunatly so its not as easy as that, i have no family in the area and partner and best friend both currently live with parents and have no room for me

bexiboo92

jessimacalucy87 wrote: »

I have no where to go though unfortunatly so its not as easy as that, i have no family in the area and partner and best friend both currently live with parents and have no room for me

Could you not stay with either?

I'm sure if you explain the situation, their parents wouldn't mind you staying on the sofa. Afterall it's not just you, you're looking after now.

swingaloo

What makes him think he 'may have shingles'?
I've had shingles twice and both times have been in incredible pain well before the rash appears. Its an intense pain. Id be a bit suspicious as to if he's telling the truth or if he suspects you may be pregnant and trying to scare you. I cant imagine feeling well enough to go to work and then suddenly thinking its shingles. Has he seen a doctor?

I would get out anyway if you can, anyone's couch must be better than living with someone who sounds unstable.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Stop making excuses for why you can't leave. Google the damage shingles/chicken pox can do to unborn babies. Then you'll leave.

And if he is lying, thats even more reason for you to leave. Because only a thoroughly nasty, spiteful and manipulative human being who detested you would do something like that, so clearly, it's not safe to stay either way.

ktb

I agree with swingaloo that he may know about the pregnancy & has picked a clever & manipulative way of trying to get you to admit to it and scare you.

Is there anyway he could have accessed your phone and/or emails etc?

Could you have received post from the Drs about your pregnancy etc, that he has intercepted?

Have you really nowhere else to go?? I live with my folks, but if a mate in your situation needed to crash, it really wouldn't be a problem.... This is pretty serious! (I'm 8 weeks pregnant & I know I'd want out!!!)

Gigglepig

Sorry for being harsh, but if i you are not resourceful enough to sort out accommodation for a few weeks, are you ready for being a parent?

if your partner or family cannot help you need to help yourself, and take control. can you use savings for a few weeks alternative accommodation? Try lateroooms for a b&b, or even try a youth hostel comparison website?

findingmyownway

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow wrote: »

you don't need to tell him about the baby but you do need to move out tonight for the safety of yourself and your unborn child.

If you wait until 31st january you will most likely catch the virus.

Unnecessary scaremongering!

OP, if you have had chicken pox then you are highly highly unlikely to contract any issues from your ex.

Shingles cannot be passed between people. Someone with shingles can give someone else chicken pox, but that is largely through close contact (which i assume you're not having with your ex and regardless in 99% of cases this only happens only when the recipient has not had chicken pox before).

Phone your doctor for official advice. I know this from being 31 weeks pregnant with a husband who has had shingles twice in last 6 months. I've had chicken pox as a child and so noone was remotely worried about me or the baby.


As an aside... I agree with the posters who think shingles is an odd thing to self-diagnose. Is it possible he knows/suspects about the pregnancy and is just trying to scare you?

Either way, leaving the house is clearly the best course of action, but please don't get over-worried about the shingles until you have more information from a doctor. Unnecessary stress won't do the baby any good.

sophiesgiraffe

i think you can wait some month after take any descions.