exasperation with friend?

red_devil

Does anyone else know people like this?

Friend isnt consistent and is unreliable. For example didnt acknowledge my birthday at all. On her birthday i didnt have her address to send card so messaged her on fb asking for it no response.

Couldnt send card, so rang on the day to say happy birthday but answephone was on. Left message to say text me when your free and i will ring again but didnt hear a word.

Sometimes speaks on facebook chat but sometimes dosent. sometimes dosent answer either. I did have a happy new year text but it all seem inconsistent and i never know where i am.

Met once last year but had to be on her terms where we met. i am a reliable person and find it all unnerving.

Does anyone know why people are like this?

Spendless

Because they don't share the same values as you.

Because they wish to drop you as a friend

Because it's what they are like/personality traits.

I've dropped friends like this and persevered with others, knowing how they are as I think the friendship is worth it.

What do you want to do?

go_cat

Leave the next contact to her, if she doesn't bother you know where you stand.

Friendships move on unfortunately and sad as it is it is better to have genuine friends rather than what I call fair weather friends

an9i77

I know where you are coming from. I too have an unreliable / one sided friendship, she keeps me dangling from a string never completely drops me but does not make an effort either.
I'm coming to the sad conclusion that if it is not reciprocated then it is probably not worth investing the time and energy with.
Your friend is either truly not bothered either way, or else doesn't really consider you a friend and thinks that by not making any effort to return your calls/texts etc you will eventually get the hint and go away.
Either way, don't give her any more of your energy and leave with your dignity intact!
You are not losing anything that you didn't have anyway.

smartpicture

I would call someone like this an acquaintance rather than a friend. And adjust my expectations accordingly.

balletshoes

red_devil wrote: »

Does anyone else know people like this?

Friend isnt consistent and is unreliable. For example didnt acknowledge my birthday at all. On her birthday i didnt have her address to send card so messaged her on fb asking for it no response.

Couldnt send card, so rang on the day to say happy birthday but answephone was on. Left message to say text me when your free and i will ring again but didnt hear a word.

Sometimes speaks on facebook chat but sometimes dosent. sometimes dosent answer either. I did have a happy new year text but it all seem inconsistent and i never know where i am.

Met once last year but had to be on her terms where we met. i am a reliable person and find it all unnerving.

Does anyone know why people are like this?

she sounds like an acquaintance to me, not a friend. She clearly considers you an acquaintance too, as she's not bothered about keeping in frequent touch with you. So just treat her as an acquaintance, no need to get unnerved by it really, or exasperated by it.

BugglyB

I am a bit like your friend in that I often don't reply to texts, emails etc. Quite often I feel hassled or overwhelmed by having a phone and email and facebook and post to keep up with at work as well as at home and just switch everything off for a few days. I think it would be stupid to text everyone in my phone to alert them that that is what I am doing.

I get 'in trouble' for it sometimes. I am aware which of my friends it bothers more and make more effort to try and be prompt with them.

One problem for me is that I never use my phone when I am with others. If I am having lunch with a friend I will turn my phone off. And often leave it off all day. Sometimes it runs out of battery and I lose it under the bed. Then when I turn it on at 2am its too late to reply, and then the next day I am at work, and so on and so on. I'm not trying to justify how I am, just to say its not necessarily personal.

BugglyB

That said I always send cards/texts for birthdays. Unless you live far apart, meeting up once a year does seem more like acquaintance than friends.

sassyblue

BugglyB wrote: »

I am a bit like your friend in that I often don't reply to texts, emails etc. Quite often I feel hassled or overwhelmed by having a phone and email and facebook and post to keep up with at work as well as at home and just switch everything off for a few days. I think it would be stupid to text everyone in my phone to alert them that that is what I am doing.

I get 'in trouble' for it sometimes. I am aware which of my friends it bothers more and make more effort to try and be prompt with them.

One problem for me is that I never use my phone when I am with others. If I am having lunch with a friend I will turn my phone off. And often leave it off all day. Sometimes it runs out of battery and I lose it under the bed. Then when I turn it on at 2am its too late to reply, and then the next day I am at work, and so on and so on. I'm not trying to justify how I am, just to say its not necessarily personal.

I'm exactly the same, sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day. Plus l work with a ringing phone all day and deadlines to meet.... when l'm at home the phone or mobile going off is likely to be ignored and answered when l want to.

Be wary OP that she doesn't feel you are 'chasing' her.... you said you only met once last year, she obviously has other commitments. I think l would have wished her a happy birthday by texting or on FB, but not chased her for her address on FB then ring her and ask her to respond aswell, sorry! I know you mean well but she obviously doesn't feel the same as you, she might just be a very busy person.

red_devil

i think this person is like this with a few others as well.

what is a personality trait?

red_devil

sassyblue wrote: »

I'm exactly the same, sometimes there aren't enough hours in the day. Plus l work with a ringing phone all day and deadlines to meet.... when l'm at home the phone or mobile going off is likely to be ignored and answered when l want to.

Be wary OP that she doesn't feel you are 'chasing' her.... you said you only met once last year, she obviously has other commitments. I think l would have wished her a happy birthday by texting or on FB, but not chased her for her address on FB then ring her and ask her to respond aswell, sorry! I know you mean well but she obviously doesn't feel the same as you, she might just be a very busy person.

meant to say i had a text saying must give you my new address but nothing happened so i asked.