mother getting too involved yet again

Lilith1980

Two words spring to mind: passive aggressive.

I feel that my mum is the same. My mum's way of dealing with things is to stop contact for a bit because SHE has the ump. Almost like spitting her dummy out but in an 'underhand' way. Whenever this used to happen I would worry that I had done something wrong and end up chasing after her (i.e. ringing her expecting there to be a big fall-out and me needing to apologise), only to find she would act like nothing had happened and I would be left feeling wound up and confused about what had gone on. Not any more though, I leave her to stew.

It's really pathetic and childish really, but my mum can be a child at times. I don't think she likes my partner much either (maybe warmed to him a bit more recently) but I think that is because he says things how they are, which doesn't fit into her 'I'm going to be p!ssed off but not say anything' way of dealing with things.

I totally agree with the poster who said that although you cannot change your mother, you can change YOUR reaction to what she does. Let her get on with it because in a few weeks/months she will probably contact you again like nothing has happened.

Ezmondino

Yet another manipulative mother who acts like a child when they don't get their own way.

I feel your pain.

Best thing is space I think. One day she might realise the error of her ways but in the meantime less contact is the only way. Unless she accepts that she has to change then nothing will happen.

My blood is beginning to boil so I'm going now before I get annoyed!!!!

Good luck.

Primrose

Perhaps your mother does this to you because unconsciously in the past you have allowed her to think or assume she has a perfect right to get involved in your marital affairs. Perhaps you are a fairly open person who shares a lot of your life activities and she has mistakenly taken this as a sign that it's OK, because you have commented on them, to interfere. The time has probably now come for you to make it clear to her that "enough is enough" and that certain boundaries have been over-reached and things need to be done a little differently in the future. If she wants to behave like a child, she needs to understand that throwing a strop will make no difference. Just carry on as you intend to and distance yourselves from all the squabbling. She may then get the message that her behaviour is self defeating.

KxMx

Primrose wrote: »

Perhaps your mother does this to you because unconsciously in the past you have allowed her to think or assume she has a perfect right to get involved in your marital affairs. Perhaps you are a fairly open person who shares a lot of your life activities and she has mistakenly taken this as a sign that it's OK, because you have commented on them, to interfere. The time has probably now come for you to make it clear to her that "enough is enough" and that certain boundaries have been over-reached and things need to be done a little differently in the future. If she wants to behave like a child, she needs to understand that throwing a strop will make no difference. Just carry on as you intend to and distance yourselves from all the squabbling. She may then get the message that her behaviour is self defeating.

Or the mother has raised OP to think that level of interference is normal and natural, and questioning it means the OP is the bad guy!

But I am glad the OP has seen the light

raq

Lilith1980 wrote: »

Two words spring to mind: passive aggressive.

I feel that my mum is the same. My mum's way of dealing with things is to stop contact for a bit because SHE has the ump. Almost like spitting her dummy out but in an 'underhand' way. Whenever this used to happen I would worry that I had done something wrong and end up chasing after her (i.e. ringing her expecting there to be a big fall-out and me needing to apologise), only to find she would act like nothing had happened and I would be left feeling wound up and confused about what had gone on. Not any more though, I leave her to stew.

It's really pathetic and childish really, but my mum can be a child at times. I don't think she likes my partner much either (maybe warmed to him a bit more recently) but I think that is because he says things how they are, which doesn't fit into her 'I'm going to be p!ssed off but not say anything' way of dealing with things.

I totally agree with the poster who said that although you cannot change your mother, you can change YOUR reaction to what she does. Let her get on with it because in a few weeks/months she will probably contact you again like nothing has happened.

Thanks for the kind post

Oh my word, are they related?? They sound exactly the same.

My youngest , 6 years old ran into the house after school, I thought I know, she was thrilled to see him, but I stood outside. No sorry , nothing. Let my little one,s see her and went.

She knows she is in the wrong most probably, but will NEVER admit to it

raq

Ezmondino wrote: »

Yet another manipulative mother who acts like a child when they don't get their own way.

I feel your pain.

Best thing is space I think. One day she might realise the error of her ways but in the meantime less contact is the only way. Unless she accepts that she has to change then nothing will happen.

My blood is beginning to boil so I'm going now before I get annoyed!!!!

Good luck.

Thanks guys, you have all been so great and have cheered me up a bit.

I got to be positive, am 43 for gods sake

Lilith1980

raq wrote: »

Thanks guys, you have all been so great and have cheered me up a bit.

I got to be positive, am 43 for gods sake

Yes, but I guess we expect our parents to take the higher ground and not act like children - that is our role lol!

If you get yourself wound up over her behaviour it will only eat away at YOU and no one else. So best try to just get on with things because your mum is the one who is missing out at the end of the day

raq

sorry guys, me again

little one ran to the door again after school, told me to go in but didn,t want to as I knew she would turn it around. I don,t feel it should.

Dad is fine with me, as previously stated he hasn,t got involved.

We always go shopping on a friday morning, and she didnt ask whether I was going. Would have said no anyway as why would I want to take my mother when she has continued to slag of my other half and going on about it even thought it has now been 1 week.

RAS

Just ignore, ignore ignore.

At some stage she will crack, so tell her a full apology is required to OH first.

raq

RAS wrote: »

Just ignore, ignore ignore.

At some stage she will crack, so tell her a full apology is required to OH first.

omg , she would never do that. She spoke to me this morning, but briefly. True from you good guys she has slowly come round so I could do one or two of the following

COmpletely rule her out of my life

Or

Just get on with it and anything else she says in the future to IGNORE and let her rant on. My sister in law said last night, nobody listens to her anyway when she goes on, and on and on.