mother getting too involved yet again

raq

last sunday my 12 year old rang her and asked to sleep over.

answer was: There is stuff on the bed.

My daughter was upset and I said, why didn,t you say, she couldn,t be bothered.

Sad isn,t it.

raq

YES FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART IT WAS MY DECISION AND NOBODY ELSE,S.

If I hadn,t made that decision my husband was scared i would have a brake down, literally...

Mojisola

raq wrote: »

She doesn,t like my hubby, even after 16 years. Nothing has ever happened there, but like my aunty have always said, if you married prince william it would still be wrong.

My hubbys parents live about 20 minutes away and hardly ever see them but if we need anything there with us in a flash. It is so nice too.

I would be putting much more effort into spending time with your in-laws!

If you change the way you react to your mother, it will stop. She's been on the phone to everyone complaining about you and it sounds as if you have been too! If she does something you don't like, say "Oh, there she goes again" and carry on with your life.

marisco_2

A fire can only keep burning if you throw wood on it. Ignore it and it burns itself out. Other people whom your mother has approached are not taking her opinions or comments seriously. If you dont give her the reaction she craves then you retain the higher ground and effectively extinguish any damage she thinks she can cause.

You are a grown adult, free to make decisions in your family without her prior knowledge or approval. It is a bad reflection on her, that she had the blinds closed sending a message of ignoring yourself and her grandchildren, as you walk past. What an awful subtle message to send you all.

Caroline_a

raq wrote: »

last sunday my 12 year old rang her and asked to sleep over.

answer was: There is stuff on the bed.

My daughter was upset and I said, why didn,t you say, she couldn,t be bothered.

Sad isn,t it.

This is appalling. I wouldn't be seeing her any time soon after this. You can hurt me all you want, but you never hurt my kids!

raq

this incident with the sleepover was a few days before me and my decision. It isn,t the first time though. My dad don,t get involved. I really feel there is still so much within her own marriage going on that she won,t face up to things.

Yes it really annoys me when I walk past the house and blinds fully shut... childish springs to mind

raq

She is also aware we got a lot on our shoulders over the next 6 weeks. school meetings for our youngest son and lots to be focused on. This is my priority and this is now against me

raq

balletshoes wrote: »

will she huff/ignore you for weeks, months, or just days if you don't poke her with a stick? Its been years now since my Mum did something similar, in fact it was when I decided to move out and into my own place, so it was a couple of decades ago! However, she went in the huff with me and actually refused to speak to me. But she came out of her huff after about 3 days, and it was like nothing had happened.

I would let her come round in her own time - do you think she will (ie has she done it before?).

Oh, and to be honest, I think its fairly natural on first hearing bad/shocking/disappointing news for a Mum to blame her child's partner and assume it must be them, making the decisions in the background etc. If you've already made it clear to her that it was your decision, not your husband's, then I don't think theres any point revisiting that.

Caroline_a wrote: »

This is appalling. I wouldn't be seeing her any time soon after this. You can hurt me all you want, but you never hurt my kids!

Yes she has, something similar. ALWAYS ALWAYS blames my other half aswell. I got a pretty good life to be honest with you and yet she still picks holes. They seem to forget the saturday before christmas I sat up the hospital for 5 hours to check her over and yet my dad was sat in the house munching his face away whilst watching t.v. My brothers neither was nowhere in site. Yet my husband was home with the kids and sorting the house out. No thanks for it either

CH27

You cannot change her behaviour but you can change how you react to her.

raq

CH27 wrote: »

You cannot change her behaviour but you can change how you react to her.

still no sign of mother today... PREVIOUS POST HAD SAID TO:

IGNORE , IGNORE, IGNORE