Any one child families by choice?

an9i77

Hello.

I have a son and am hoping to add to my brood one day. However, age is not on my side and I've got some medical problems so aware it may not happen.
I'd like to hear from people who decided to stick with just one child, what your reasons were and what the advantages are. Do you ever have any regrets about your choice?
I guess I just want to see the plus sides in case it ends up being that way for us!

Thanks

heretolearn_2

I had one by choice. There are pros and cons to any decision, of course, but for us the advantages were:

better financial situation
more one to one time with child
child grew up very confident, polite, well mannered, great conversationalist from young age due to amount of exposure to adult only company
also - to counter one of the negatives often stated - perfectly sociable and happy with other children due to amount of exposure with friends and relatives children, playgroups, nurseries, creches, schools etc
easy (and cheaper) to find a baby sitter for one
no kids squabbling/fighting/arguing constantly- some siblings really hate each other! Of course there was all this at times with his friends, but it's different when one of them goes home eventually. Some kids drive their parents nuts fighting and arguing on and on and on for years.
One teenager adds a hell of a lot to your food bill, good god, I don't know how families with several don't need to win the lottery!
No big queues for the bathroom in the mornings.
Less housework, fewer beds to change, less laundry, less shopping to carry home, etc etc
More time to help with school homework
Child learns to entertain themselves at times - some kids can't just sit and do something quietly, always have to be in the middle of a mob, helps with attention span etc.
Only one lot of nappies/wet beds to deal with
Only one child throwing up/ill/got diarrehea at a time instead of a houseful if a bug spreads
No clashes when it comes to clubs/afterschool activities/kids interests and hobbies
Any car will fit your family
You can get triple rooms on holiday (or double with a cot/pull out bed) far more easily and cheaper than family rooms
It's hard enough getting one child organised and off to school in mornings!
Your child is seen and treated as an individual, not 'the boys' or 'the girls' or 'the kids'.
No arguments over one child being treated differently than the others - for example older ones having more freedom/later bedtimes, which causes resentment from the younger ones (having been youngest myself, lol).

carolineb23

Hi
We have a one year old child and are not planning any more. Our reasons are fairly similar to yours, age and health issues (related to pregnancy in my case). However, I think even without these issues sticking to one child would still be the best option for us. There are so many reasons it's the right decision for us aside from the age and health, we would need to move if we had another one, I can't afford not to work and we couldn't afford childcare for 2. We can live comfortably as we are but would be struggling financially if we had more than one child to care for. It also means we can provide a little luxury for our daughter, which we just wouldn't be able to do if we had more than one.
The only reason to have another would be to give our daughter a sibling but we would need to wait until she was at least 4 to be able to afford it and by then there's too much of an age gap for them to be happy playing together whilst young. We are quite sick of negative reactions when people ask us if we are having any more so if you do decide on just the one please be prepared for this!

NoreenOMS

We are a one child family by choice. Ds is 15 months old. Primary reason may sound odd to some - but he is just the most amazing little boy. The happiest, most sweet natured, funniest like child we have ever met and we don't feel we would be lucky enough to have another like him!! He is amazing!

Many other reasons - money (want him to have the best we can provide for him- material wise and experience wise), we enjoy our little family of three. We both work full time, so want to be able to give him as much support with schooling/ homework when he is of the age..

So many reasons - will update this when I get more time

balletshoes

this subject has come up before -

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4219541

I have one child, my choice. I have no regrets, love her to bits, she is a sociable child who has good friends and is liked among her peers. She's not a diva or an attention-seeker, and so far she doesn't miss having a sibling (close in age or not). She's nearly 12.
Her best friend has a sister who is a year younger than her, and my DD is always coming home from theirs telling me how much they fight (although I know them and I know they love each other, my sisters and I were exactly the same growing up, falling out, physically fighting each other, and we're very close).

dundeediva

I'm being a premature here as i'm pregnant with my first but we are only having one. We have weighed up the pros and cons and decided that we simply want one! Obviously this might change in the future but this was our main reasons-

Money - we know we can afford one child and still have a "comfortable" lifestyle
I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, I don't think I could handle fighting between my kids the way we fought together!!
Childacre costs too much for us for 2 kids.
I don't want to like one more than the other (I know how ridiculous that sounds but I've seen other people treat kids differently as they prefer one so no way i would ever do that to my child!)
I have a lovely 3 bedroom house and would like to keep the spare bedroom as a spare bedroom and not another kids room. My child will be a lucky so and so, it's bedroom is huge! (other room is a teeny tiny box room).

I've just read back through that list and most of it seems really superficial but to be honest, why lie? I don't want more than one, my daughter won't be spoiled, she will be well looked after and loved and I can make sure she has a lovely life

ibizafan_2

Just an observation, but I have never met an older person who is glad that they have no siblings, even if they liked being an only child when they were young. I know that siblings don't always get on. My own sons (27, and 30) are like chalk and cheese, but friends who never had brothers or sisters have said to me that it would be nice to have had some family when their parents died. That is when it struck home to them, even though they had their own families. It had never entered my head that they would feel like that, but I am glad of my two marvellous brothers who would support me if I ever needed help. I know that you can't live your life for what might happen in the future, but I thought you might like another view.

an9i77

Thanks all. Just to clarify, I'm not making a decision here - if my body can bear another child I'll have one - but just interested in seeing the pluses of just having one if it ends up that way for us.

As for siblings when you're an adult, I think one thing my mum struggles with, even now we're all adults, is treating us all the same (even when our life circumstances are vastly different).

For example my brothers are doing very well for themselves, earn much more than me, but when she very kindly offers to help me with things like a house purchase/furniture she worries she is favouring me over them. Even though one of my brothers works in the city and gets a £40k bonus every year in addiiton to his megabucks salary so doesn't really need any help (fyi we don't ask for her help but she offers).

I guess it's a hangover from all the years of us saying 'mum that's not fair' when we were little

Jinx

ibizafan wrote: »

Just an observation, but I have never met an older person who is glad that they have no siblings, even if they liked being an only child when they were young. I know that siblings don't always get on. My own sons (27, and 30) are like chalk and cheese, but friends who never had brothers or sisters have said to me that it would be nice to have had some family when their parents died. That is when it struck home to them, even though they had their own families. It had never entered my head that they would feel like that, but I am glad of my two marvellous brothers who would support me if I ever needed help. I know that you can't live your life for what might happen in the future, but I thought you might like another view.

I met a couple in their 80s when I was on holiday with my 5 year old daughter. They were married with no children of their own and both were only children. They basically told me I should NOT leave daughter as an only child as they had no other family, it was lonely etc

I didnt have any more children (by choice-nothing would have induced me to go through pregnancy again) but my daughters dad had a child with his partner years later. So its a 13 yr gap but shes not an only child! lol (well no child, shes 21 now!)

mucklebones

I had wanted more than one, but my daughter has special needs and an awful sleep disorder. I am afraid we could have another child with special needs if we did try again, not that its at all practical in fact nearly impossible given my daughters needs.

I feel quite happy about just having her though.

uk_american

As a 37 year old only child, I cannot complain. My parents worked hourly jobs, so money was always tight, but there was enough to send me to catholic school and dance lessons, something that wouldn't of happened with more kids.

Being an only child, one develops a sense of independence and faith in one's own abilities. Not sure if I would have had the confidence as easily to leave the US and come to work in Europe if not for this solo upbringing. As well it served me well in school and work, I became a manager much earlier than my peers, partially due to this background, I suspect.

Of course there are advantages and disadvantages to everything in life, but if you have only one OP, I wouldn't worry. Many of us 'onlies' do just fine. :-)