Dilemma, just wondering what others would do

lil_me

Right, here goes. This is still an if at the moment.

Basically me and my partners mother have never got on. This is for many reasons mainly her ignorance especially when it comes to the children and attempts to cause problems with me and my partner. Anyway here's what she said to DP today.

She is considering buying land to start a business, she also wants to build 2 houses on this land and let me and DP live in one, so far suggesting rent free.

My instant reaction has been no. Ok we live in a council house rented, not the best area but we are fine here. Kids like the school at the minute etc. I can't stop thinking what if - something happens? she decides she wants the house back/too much rent? me and DP split (house here is in my name) is she expecting us to help with the business? etc etc

We also do have our names on the list for a better area and are about a year from the top of the list now.

Only good things I can think of now is it is closer to the school I want my son to be in for senior years, rather than the one we are closest to now, he has special needs and is coping just in mainstream but already know he will need a special needs place when he's older. It's in the middle of nowhere which would suit me fine as I like that.

If the plan goes ahead I need to decide within 2 months if the offer is accepted. I don't want to argue with partner too much over it.

What would you do? Trying to think of other things I have not considered. Those 'what ifs' I don't think there will be any way of securing anything incase things don't go well, but if anyone knows of a way I could please let me know. Someone I spoke to about it today said I was mad for thinking about turning down a free home bigger than the one I live in, it's just the what ifs that stopping me even thinking about agreeing to it.

poe.tuesday

No way would I do it, I don't get on with my partner's mother (the witch) and no matter what offer was on the table, I would not take it.

And you know, the 'what ifs' are important, what if she wants to run your life, after all, you will be well and truely under her thumb, and she will give you that ' it's my home you know look', it will never be your home and you will have to bite your tongue just to keep the peace - B0ll0cks to that !!!

Be honest, open and truthful - say how you feel and sod the 'nice home, better area etc', at least what you have is yours and you are on equal ground with your OH.

You have made a life with your OH, not her, if you got on well it would be a different story, she interferres enough already, imagine what it will be like under the same roof as her, 'cos that's what's it's going to be like, and as for the ignorance towards the children - that's enough not to be anywhere near her isn't it?

This could cause real issues if you do it, she could come in-between you and your OH (if he is at all weak)

IMO a thanks but no thanks is the best option - if she wants to invest in anything then let her put her money into a good private education for your children

Rachie_B

Hmm i think i agree,if i didnt get on with her i dont think i would do it TBH,i think it would be hard enough living next to the MIL if you DID get on well !

bigger, better houses are all very well etc but not if she end up trying to rule you / make your life hell / annoy the f00k out of you lol !

Penny_Watcher

A big NO from me too. It gives your MIL too much control over your life.

ToddlingAlong

I would think carefully about it. It sounds as if it would be a big plus for your son to be able to go to the school he needs.

But... and this is the important part... I would sit down with MIL and go through exactly what is expected of you and her son. I would insist on paying rent for the house and put it on contracts so it is all legal. Look at the plans of the buildings and make sure it is clear, that this "bit" is OUR bit, that we rent from you.

Tread carefully and look at it from all angles ... it could be the move from hell or it could be the best decision you ever made

daphne_descends

NO! Don't do it - don't give her that kind of power.

victory

Def no, your MIL would rule your life....completely

Lillibet_2

NO. NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONO. no.

I can't say it enough. But no.













No.

Becles

There is no way I'd go along with this.

How much control would MIL have over your lives? Would she be coming and going all the time, perhaps even have her own keys to let herself in?

Would she have a say on what you do to the house? Would she complain about your decor, any home improvements you may want to do, etc?

A bigger home isn't going to be better than your current home, if it comes with a whole new set of problems to deal with.

snowmaid

Even the best of relationships would take strain in this situation. I would agree with the others and say no.

moj1966

I would not say No yet
she may not get planning permission etc
also if she does,
will she own the propery, or is she going to give this to you and you OH.
Lots of possiabiitys involved don't say NO until you have thought things .