helping out elderly neighbours

Little_Vics

Hi,

Without going into too much detail, our elderly neighbour is in hospital about 15 miles away and it's not looking good.

His partner of many years is in her 80s herself, and is driving twice a day to see him. We're pretty sure she's not eating properly and seems very down.

We really want to help out in some way, but she's very proud and we're not quite sure what to do. We don't have a car and both work so aren't around during the day to take her to the hospital, and I'm not sure she'd accept a dinner invitation.

Does anyone have any ideas?

Savvy_Sue

Little_Vics wrote: »

His partner of many years is in her 80s herself, and is driving twice a day to see him. We're pretty sure she's not eating properly and seems very down.

We really want to help out in some way, but she's very proud and we're not quite sure what to do. We don't have a car and both work so aren't around during the day to take her to the hospital, and I'm not sure she'd accept a dinner invitation.

Does anyone have any ideas?

I'd start by calling round, maybe with some cake or biscuits - I've got a load of Christmas sweets I'd happily pass on, for example - and asking how he is. And then "how are you?" And offer the dinner, or to cook an extra portion and take it to her 'for later'.

If you persist in offering support and friendship, she may accept later if not immediately.

Tiglath

Could you offer to do some shopping for her when you do yours?

Little_Vics

thanks guys - good ideas.

margaretclare

I'd agree with the offers of a meal, shopping etc but please, please, please, do be careful with the offers of 'sweets left over from Christmas', or even of cakes, unless you're certain that she eats them! Not all of us 'oldies' partake of such things.

I could just imagine a neighbour turning up at my door with sweets left over from Christmas. How to deal with such unwanted items, without giving offence?

pollypenny

The meal and shopping are both good ideas. You can offer both on the basis that you know she'll have little time.

cabbage

perhaps offer to take her to & from the hospital or visit so she can have time off from visiting

Little_Vics

sadly we can't because we don't have a car and live in rural place. Thanks for all the suggestions though. I'm going to cook a stew and take her some tomorrow.

cavework

TBH?
Just invite her round for a cup of tea
Let her talk, tell her you need a bit of advice ( make it up if you have to) make her feel useful.Treat her as you would any friend the same age as you

cbrown372

margaretclare wrote: »

I'd agree with the offers of a meal, shopping etc but please, please, please, do be careful with the offers of 'sweets left over from Christmas', or even of cakes, unless you're certain that she eats them! Not all of us 'oldies' partake of such things.

I could just imagine a neighbour turning up at my door with sweets left over from Christmas. How to deal with such unwanted items, without giving offence?

Accept them gracefully and if the lady doesn't want them she can take them into the hospital where I'm sure they will be most appreciated by staff and patients alike?

Savvy_Sue

Tiglath wrote: »

Could you offer to do some shopping for her when you do yours?

Thought of that later ...

Little_Vics wrote: »

sadly we can't because we don't have a car and live in rural place.

Could you offer to go with her at the weekend, because you'd like to see 'Fred', and give her a bit of company on the drive? You don't have to stay on the ward as long as she does, offer to meet her in the cafe later and buy her a coffee / something to eat then.

The sweets was partly because I know I wouldn't manage to make something myself, btw, and I wish people wouldn't give them to me in the first place!!!