Hoarding - A New Start

PudseyDB

minimoneyme wrote: »

Big upheaval when I got home from work today, teenaged daughters have found insects in their bedroom. Google told them it is the biscuit beetle. :eek:
So the whole room has been stripped and stuff piled everywhere else while they do a deep clean. Everywhere has been hoovered, bedding, quilts and blankets washed. The upside is they've chucked a lot of stuff, including old hair stuff, old clothes, soft toys, papers. Older daughter is really phobic about insects so has vowed to reduce her stuff so it's is easier to clean in their room.
They think they have found the source of the infestation which was one of those microwave wheat bag soft toys. This was one that has never been heated and was crawling with the blighters inside the pouch bit. The wheat bags that have been heated seem fine as I assume the microwaves have killed any larvae present.
I'm all itchy now

You have my sympathies. Our kitchen got infested with biscuit beetles after buying some dog biscuits from the market :eek: It took us a while to get rid of them as they fly!

I think youre right that they came in the wheat bag as thats what they like - starchy wheat based foods.

What we found is that bug killer sprays dont kill them - just knock them out for a bit :mad: However, they like light and in the evenings when theyre active they will fly towards artificial lights and land nearby. We then went round with a aerosol lid or plastic wash ball and caught them in these and either squished them or (my preference) flushed them down the loo!

Doing this every night slowly brought the numbers down - along with keeping any possible food source out of reach in plastic sealed containers.

GreyQueen

chazsucks wrote: »

Heya, I hope you don't mind me joining this thread.

Basically, I live with my partner, our kids and my dad. My dad is a hoarder. Over the last couple of years I've been working really hard to get the house decluttered and organised but it's causing a lot of friction between us. I've only recently realised how stressful it is for my dad when I'm trying to get rid of things in the house. He has two bedrooms, they've always been quite full and untidy but recently he's been moving more and more stuff into them because he doesn't want to argue about the mess and clutter in the house.

His rooms are now stacked to the ceiling with cardboard boxes full of stuff. Literally things I cannot imagine why anyone would want to keep - old broken things, calenders from 20, 30 years ago, pens that have run out, electronics that don't work anymore, newspapers and magazines.....

I just don't know what to do. I keep trying to help him get his rooms sorted but he get's very defensive and angry when I suggest throwing anything away.

I guess I don't really know why I'm posting, to feel less alone with the situation maybe...

Hello and welcome in. You're posting because something has drawn you to a thread with hoarding in it's title and you need to be heard.

From the little snippet of your life above, it sounds to me as if your Dad is a frightened man, and this is causing him to hang on to his hoard and to pack it ever tighter into "his rooms" and to become defensive.

I'm wondering about the circumstances that have you living together (don't feel the need to elabourate unless you really want to). Do the rest of you live with him in his house or does he live with you in your house? Is it done of necessity or obligation? Does he feel insecure in this living arrangement, almost as if first you will declutter his stuff and then you'll want to declutter him? It may be buried deep inside, but perhaps he feels that the stuff will ensure that he can't be decluttered.

Almost everybody here has a soundtrack in their heads which they know is irrational but struggle to listen past, when it comes to hoarding. And we're collectively on an anti-hoarding journey. Your Dad may be in a dark place where he feels in danger of disintegration if anything is removed, even the 20 year old calendars.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sometimes the bugs just come in from anywhere; they could have found a handy food source when they got into the room and then exploded their population.

They are likely to be hiding in the gaps under the skirting boards. Both as beetles and caterpillar like larvae. Sprays for crawling insects such as cockroaches work.

But if they are in that room, you can expect them under the fridge and in the corners of all other rooms, too.


So: ban food from anywhere but the table, vacuum regularly, evacuate fish and other pets and bug spray. And repeat. They should be gone after about the fifth time.

JellyBox

Now stuff is going from our flat, I've started reading through the other posts of dericharding successes with the thought "Ooooh! I wish they'd put on here they were getting rid of that, I could have used that for something" what is wrong with me?! I have enough rubbish of my own, without taking on other people's! I did this at work as well though, and ended up with a load of lids and tubs that don't match, to go with my own collection of these. I don't buy much, but I do claim a lot of rubbish from other people on the basis that I might use it

guinea_pig_girl

Aww, Bexim, I keep doing that, even though I went to visit my aunt to drop stuff off I had borrowed to make space, I came back with 2 baking trays, 2 jars of jam and a stress ball
I also have acquired a lovely pair of curtains, which are too long, and can't go up as apparently the pole we have can't be removed.

Sigh.

Flat is a bit emptier and was feeling smug, but am going up to my mum's at the weekend and there is a LARGE hoard of my stuff up there that I conveniently forget about. Amongst other things, there are 6 boxes of ornaments that we collected for me as a child, and I maybe like a few but have no room, but can't bring myself to just put to the CS as parent spent a lot of time on these. Scared of EB*y and P*yP*l.

Also have a mortar board and hood, which again, can't face just putting to CS.

I hate putting stuff to landfill.

I was going to dehoard in the morning and then go to the CS in the afternoon, and get rid of some of mum's stuff that has been boxed and waiting to go since October.....

Even if I get my stuff sorted, mum has a huge amount of stuff and we are still trying to sort things from my dad and he died 18 years ago.
Wah

blossomhill_2

chazsucks wrote: »

My dad is a hoarder... Literally things I cannot imagine why anyone would want to keep - old broken things, calenders from 20, 30 years ago, pens that have run out, electronics that don't work anymore, newspapers and magazines.....

I just don't know what to do. I keep trying to help him get his rooms sorted but he get's very defensive and angry when I suggest throwing anything away.

Hi and welcome - you will gain some understanding here but you may not result in your dad getting rid of things, as it's him, not you. But we can try and help you realise how not to get him to dig in his heels in

Two things to think about; what would your dad gain from having less stuff - hard one isn't it, I dont know how old he is but I doubt he'd need to gain "being able to bring friends in" or "space for tots to run around in" which are big incentives for the rest of us, so you need to stretch your imagination to find a gain for him (not "my kids would moan at me less"!)

Second: don't focus on what the objects are - they are almost irrelevant, as much as you see us saying "why do I need to keep jam jars" we are really questioning our inability to see things as rubbish and dispose. A very sobering moment on the Extreme Hoarders programme was when Richard (our hero and subject of one episode) was unable to identify rubbish from a plate, knife, dirty serviette, fork. That's the crux of it, it's no good saying "this broken thing is broken" as it will still be an object of use or beauty to a hoarder

and without wanting to swamp you when you've been brave enough to post ..there is a third - try to identify what losses your dad has suffered, maybe a spouse, maybe a career, maybe health, maybe hopes and dreams - loss can often trigger hoarding and getting help in facing up to the effect of that loss can be instrumental in improvements, even if it is only just being given the chance to talk about what he has lost

Well done for your own decluttering BTW, (it's a good result for you, your partner and your kids :T )

blossomhill_2

guinea_pig_girl wrote: »

I went to visit my aunt to drop stuff off I had borrowed to make space, I came back with 2 baking trays, 2 jars of jam and a stress ball

I think that is the dictionary definition of "ironic"

Have you got a local fb page (if you do fb) for the ornaments- stress free way of selling stuff, quite a high sucess rate, just need a photo, briefest description (just a title really) price and location

Patchwork_Quilt

Bit of a success today. I had a couple of Pand0ra boxes that seemed too well made to throw away so I took them into the local jewellers and they can reuse them. I know this is to their benefit but I feel a lot better about not putting them in the bin.

As to your Dad, chazsucks, I wonder if it would be worth offering to help and then leaving the subject for a while? I offered to clear Mum's house out two years before she was ready to do it. It was still painful and she was angry and defensive. However, she did co-operate. Unfortunately, a lot of the stuff is now stacked in her garage, but it is all out of the house. Perhaps another idea might be to offer to put your Dad's stuff in storage somewhere so that he doesn't feel as if he has to let go completely.

catshark88

whitewing wrote: »

My philosophy on this thread is that if you enjoy reading any of the posts then something must be resonating with you and you find it useful to you. I don't personally care whether someone is a hoarder, knows a hoarder or is simply interested.

Hello. I've read this thread right through over the last few days and it has been amazing, deeply moving and very insightful.

I was drawn to post by the quote above and someone else, talking about untidiness as a form of hoarding.

I don't think I'm a hoarder (Cluttered minimalism seems to be my thing), but I'm desperately untidy. I don't really SEE the untidiness most of the time. I didn't think it got me down, but when I do sort things out, I feel SO much better. Does that make any sense?

Since we had to sell my childhood home, many years ago, I've never really put down roots anywhere else. Houses have always been investments/ somewhere to stay and we moved every 2-3 years.

When we moved here, it was a big refurb job and we had to live in it like that, for several years. It is only now, with it done and it proving to be a lovely home for for my 2 gorgeous boys, that I'm getting very fond of it and starting to really settle.

So now I care about my surroundings, but seem to have lacked any oomph to sort myself out. This thread has helped so much with that.

I've been inspired to just get up and do SOMETHING and the little jobs are starting to add up. I've also got rid of a few things that made me sad when I saw them. So far I've tackled paperwork shelf of doom, bathroom of despondency and hand washing pile of despair, lol!

Thank you to all of you. Hugs to all those who need them and medals to the many, many who deserve them.

GreyQueen

Bexim wrote: »

Now stuff is going from our flat, I've started reading through the other posts of dericharding successes with the thought "Ooooh! I wish they'd put on here they were getting rid of that, I could have used that for something" what is wrong with me?! I have enough rubbish of my own, without taking on other people's! I did this at work as well though, and ended up with a load of lids and tubs that don't match, to go with my own collection of these. I don't buy much, but I do claim a lot of rubbish from other people on the basis that I might use it

I wanted a coffee can like the one Patchwork Quilt put in the recycling. I want to make charcloth. I nearly mentioned it but thought I better not.:o You're not alone with this one.