Advice from those with step-families that get along?

Hopelass

74jax wrote: »

We went through a time when we first split of DD crying her eyes out going to see her dad. I would drop her off and cry all the way back feeling the worst mum in the world. She then got to know his then girlfriend, didn't like her and it was worse..... then they got married, and things just changed (looking back pretty much over night) and she loved going, then of course her brother and sister came along.

Having had the situation where she wouldn't go, and then the situation where you can't stop her from going, I know which one I prefer :rotfl:

maybe I'm just worrying over nothing and it's another one of those accepting your child is growing up situations that you want to control.... but can't.

I and no doubt my mum went through exactly the same thing! You are bound to worry, it's what mums do I'm told! It will all work out I'm sure, your daughter sounds like she has a good stable relationship with both of you and as she gets older will make her own choices hopefully to the benefit of all concerned! Good luck and Happy New Year!:)

Sambucus_Nigra

74jax wrote: »

maybe I'm just worrying over nothing and it's another one of those accepting your child is growing up situations that you want to control.... but can't.

Not quite sure what you are worrying about to be honest.

Or what you are wanting to know.

balletshoes

I think this is more of a "musing" or "what if" thread - nothing wrong with those, I'm sure they help lots of MSE'ers who might be heading into the same sort of situation.

Sambucus_Nigra

balletshoes wrote: »

I think this is more of a "musing" or "what if" thread - nothing wrong with those, I'm sure they help lots of MSE'ers who might be heading into the same sort of situation.

It says 'advice' in the title.

74jax

74jax wrote: »

What I am interested in is those of you in a similar situation to myself, once your child has grown up and is over 18, how have things worked out with the whole seeing the other parent situation?


.....however I wondered if others had found that as time goes by does work and the 'being a teenager with freedom' affect anything?

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Not quite sure what you are worrying about to be honest.

Or what you are wanting to know.

Basically the above. In step families who get along (as I know there's many on here that don't) is there anything I can do NOW (when DD is almost 15) to help her when she is 18 in maintaining a relationship with her father as it's wonderful now and I don't want that to be lost. She would like a job but how have others worked around a Saturday job when she goes and see's her Dad on weekends. I think unless you are in the situation, it maybe isn't seen as a problem perhaps?

Several on here have kindly pointed out it will all become a part of her being a teenager and she will work her own ways out.

I find it quite useful on here at times as someone can be going through the exact thing I'm wondering but with an 18 year old, and may look back thinking 'I wish i'd done that', in which case they can tell me :rotfl: there's no book I can read to help my DD, so asking people in a similar situ is the best way I know.

FatVonD

Bluemeanie wrote: »

Sorry to sound stuffy, but I (and probably many others?) take exception to the term "absent parent" to describe someone in this situation. It is very often not through choice.

Apologies, bad choice of words, I should have said non resident.

Jinx

74jax wrote: »

Basically the above. In step families who get along (as I know there's many on here that don't) is there anything I can do NOW (when DD is almost 15) to help her when she is 18 in maintaining a relationship with her father as it's wonderful now and I don't want that to be lost. She would like a job but how have others worked around a Saturday job when she goes and see's her Dad on weekends. I think unless you are in the situation, it maybe isn't seen as a problem perhaps?

Several on here have kindly pointed out it will all become a part of her being a teenager and she will work her own ways out.

I find it quite useful on here at times as someone can be going through the exact thing I'm wondering but with an 18 year old, and may look back thinking 'I wish i'd done that', in which case they can tell me :rotfl: there's no book I can read to help my DD, so asking people in a similar situ is the best way I know.

I dont think Ive done the 'I wish I did that' but what I did do was step back from making any arrangements at around the age your daughter is now...

Daughter and her dad both had mobiles - I still expected her to see him each weekend but let her confirm the pickup time/place if either had changes and I would only contact her dad if there was a problem. As with all teenagers it became a text fest, but that was fine, its all contact.

When contact was reduced due to friends/work/parties whatever he kept complaining about not seeing her. I called him and made the point he was putting her off coming as when she did go he moaned about not seeing her I also pointed out she wasnt spending time with me either! Even dads/other family members must realise the teenager has other draws on their time as we all do. It may not be ideal but its life.

Aside from that I think you can only be supportive and reinforce that your daughters dad loves her etc and he would love to hear from her...etc You will say that a lot over the years to come! It will all work out OP - as I said previously it just needs a bit of flexability:D

Sambucus_Nigra

74jax wrote: »

Basically the above. In step families who get along (as I know there's many on here that don't) is there anything I can do NOW (when DD is almost 15) to help her when she is 18 in maintaining a relationship with her father as it's wonderful now and I don't want that to be lost. She would like a job but how have others worked around a Saturday job when she goes and see's her Dad on weekends. I think unless you are in the situation, it maybe isn't seen as a problem perhaps?

Several on here have kindly pointed out it will all become a part of her being a teenager and she will work her own ways out.

I find it quite useful on here at times as someone can be going through the exact thing I'm wondering but with an 18 year old, and may look back thinking 'I wish i'd done that', in which case they can tell me :rotfl: there's no book I can read to help my DD, so asking people in a similar situ is the best way I know.

I have a 15 yr old stepchild if thats what you mean. I just can't see what you think is any problem. Surely she will carry on seeing the family and make arrangements herself as she gets older?