What a Right Pickle!

verystupidwithmoney

You simply cannot afford private education. Your SOA is evidence. Sorry to be blunt :-) you are living completely beyond your means and I suggest some of this could be keeping up with next door.

History has shown time and time again that those who are going to shine, shine. Some of the greatest minds and richest members of society came from nothing and are self taught. This isn't a common theme through history because of chance. Pumping money at such an early age has a terrible return on investment I would suggest.

Personally, I think you're getting ripped off with private education.

Thanks,

stepawayfromtheshops

OP, in my opinion you've got your head buried in the sand when it comes to your debts.

You have posted several times about sorting out your mortgage and haven't mentioned (unless I've missed it) the other 81k of debt that you have. Though the debt is all relative in relation to your wages, your debt is the same as my mortgage!

You also said in one post that you don't want to 'lose face' and take the kids out of the private school. You say a number of other families have had to take their children out of school due to the credit crunch, so why can't you?

Moving schools may be hard on the kids for a few weeks but at the age they are they'll forget all about the other school and school friends in the blink of an eye. It'll be a lot harder on them when (potentially) in several years time you stop being able to juggle the debts and bankruptcy looms, meaning you have no choice about taking them out of the school they're in.

Tabatha_Kitten

OP, you need to go through all your debts, get all the correct interest rates and look at the snowball calculator.
Without getting into the whole private school debate, this could be "do-able" with LannieDucks suggestions above.
It wont be easy though.

ms_london

nomoredebtplease wrote: »

I think part of it would be loss of face / the dream etc. but it's mainly to do with wanting the best for them. It's been very interesting reading what others have written here about their views of what the best would be.

Gosh this is all so hard....

I think perhaps it is more to do with the loss of face/dream than wanting the best for them. I imagine your children would rather you could work less and spend more time with them than going to a private school but not seeing much of you or you both being stressed with money worries? S*d the Jones', whoever they are!!

Plus you are teaching them that keeping up the Jones' is what is important and as others have mentioned, it is only going to get worse as they get older and peer pressure gets worse.

[Deleted User]

The Private School decision will be taken out of your hands, if you end up bankrupt.

The OR will not allow £26,100 pa, for Private Schooling.

If I were in you shoes, I'd withdraw the kids now (while they're still young), rather than be forced to withdraw them later, when they are older.

If you withdraw them now, they could be back by the time they are entering what we used to call "Senior School", ie. age 11.

If you manage to keep them in for another 5 or 6 years, then have to withdraw them, they'll be out as they start doing GSCEs etc.

meer53

OP, until you truly have your "lightbulb moment" nothing can change. Lots of people are saying the same thing regarding the school fees, i agree with them. Surely it's better to take your children out of private school now rather than HAVE to take them out later on ?

Your kids won't be bothered that you're paying for them to go to school, they're too young yet. It's a shame that you feel you'll lose face if you take them out. What does it matter, do you really care that much about what other people think ?

You have a huge amount of debt, you can't afford to worry about what other people think, everyone wants the best for their children, not everyone can afford it.

exarmydreamer

ms_london wrote: »

I think perhaps it is more to do with the loss of face/dream than wanting the best for them. I imagine your children would rather you could work less and spend more time with them than going to a private school but not seeing much of you or you both being stressed with money worries? S*d the Jones', whoever they are!!

Plus you are teaching them that keeping up the Jones' is what is important and as others have mentioned, it is only going to get worse as they get older and peer pressure gets worse.

The Jones' are probably up to their necks in debt too!.:rotfl:

Maybeachance

Hi OP

Wanted to put my experience to you so you could see another point of view, I think it's obvious you want the best but please consider your options carefully... Apologies for essay!

My parents put me in an expensive private school from age 6, in London - my older brother has severe disabilities and the only place appropriate for him then was a private boarding school in Birmingham. They felt they wanted to ensure we were treated equally, and they could afford it all at the time so it wasn't a problem. (I became a horrible spoilt brat by the way in that time surrounded by girls who had yachts, etc and we weren't exactly paupers! But the pressure was constantly there to have the flash holidays, school trips and cars etc).

They continued to push themselves beyond their means, so i could stay in the school. Roll on the recession and my parents hiding the money issues for years and it all came crashing down during my a'levels. So called friends deserted them, we lost our home, business and lifestyle. They now admit that if they could it again they'd have only sent me there for secondary, but to be honest I hated it. I wouldn't dare tell them that now!

I would also watch falling into the trap of doing extra work and therefore missing out on time with them, I truly have no memories of my dad for various years as he was just always working, and I never really saw him or knew him, yet he did all that for us. I'd have rather been in a happy school with calm, stress-free parents than have gone through what we did in the end, which was hell and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I have never seen them happier than now, yet they thought they were doing the best. I respect their decisions and appreciate their hard work but wish they hadn't put themselves through it all!

Just my experience, I hope you find the right solution for you and your family.

Maybeachance

Oh and just to add, you can be certain that friends you think are plodding along without a care in the world, are in fact wondering how long they can keep up the pretence! We saw many others crumble after us and the school had to restructure to allow for the lower fees they were achieving. Not sure my post helps, but losing your home is far worse than moving schools.

worried48

I've kept out of this so far but here goes. I agree that the luxury of a private school seems a strange priority to most of us, but OP has after all made it quite clear that it is top priority for him AND his wife. BOTH surely need to be in agreement otherwise what will happen? Endless rows and possibly serious marital friction or worse.

So, if removing the children from private school is absolutely ruled out, the options are downsizing the house, if that can be done, or a very serious downsizing of everything else. To the point of admitting to both sets of grandparents (assuming there are two sets) that keeping the children in private school is a major struggle. If grandparents happen to have plenty of money, help might well be forthcoming. If not, at least they will all understand that Christmas and birthdays are not going to happen and perhaps holidays might be "why don't we all go to a self-catering cottage together".

We all have different expectations - to me the idea of spending £65 a month on haircuts and £100 on presents is insane but no doubt the OP would think the number of cats I have equally insane (as most of you do!). No presents, no holidays, no haircuts, reduced grocery bills, reduced entertainment, and already you're saving £500 or so a month. Whether it all could be done this way is another matter. What would be really worrying me would be what will happen if mortgage rates go up.