Mother reducing overnight stays

shoe*diva79

papa_face wrote: »

I think you're missing the point. This thread wasn't created to moan about the amount the father has to pay via the CSA, it was about the manipulation of the overnight stays by the mother to increase the CSA payments.
The father will pay what he is legally required to pay and he will make ends meet... he has too. The issue here is the mothers demands which end up costing the father more money... money that he is already sending her way to provide for the items she is refusing to put into his bag when he has overnight stays with the father.

Ok, then he needs to sort a contact order out as I suggested when you first posted. Yes, more expense but if they only have a private agreement regarding contact then this can set in stone overnight stays etc.

His liability will not rise by a great fortune, just as overnight contact does not reduce liability by a great amount.

Please don't think I'm having a go or picking holes - just looking to get the full picture. If he is paying what he should be and is struggling with managing his bills then he does need to look at his outgoings. I really cant suggest Anything more then that.

shoe*diva79

papa_face wrote: »

£20 is a lot when you have nothing! Its attitudes such as that which perpetuate the problem of mothers having so much control over the lives of the father. Willing fathers who are there for their child but the mother treats the situation as some sort of wind fall moment, or a constant hold over the father until the child is 20. It is not fair to deprive the child of a harmonious household for the sake of cheap games especially when the father is fulfilling his obligations financially to the child.

I couldn't agree more - which is why I say suck up the £20 to not cause more aggro. If the PWC sees that she is annoying him etc she will carry on but there is only so much she can do....

Not sure without reading back if your a relative, maybe you can spare £20 to the NRP. Hell, ill be happy to send £20 if it means a kid is in clothing.

kevin137

I would buy some clothing and be done with it... But i understand the frustration...

It is not always as simple though, and i can see the PWC in this case being a little manipulative..! And that has got to hurt a NRP who is actually doing what he can and is providing...!

Mrs.W_2

I would add a small point. If possible, OP, try to keep any clothing you've bought for your child at your home. Send your child back to PWC in the freshly laundered clothes the PWC dressed them in.

If the PWC is trying to be 'difficult' about such things the new clothes might never be seen again if they leave your home. Sad, but it happens.

wayne0

Mrs.W wrote: »

If the PWC is trying to be 'difficult' about such things the new clothes might never be seen again if they leave your home. Sad, but it happens.

this is true...

i bought my son some "crocks" with some sharks etc on and she said they didnt fit etc... (they were the right size, my son was there when we bought them etc)...

i said "ok ill get some bigger ones " n asked for them back, turns out she binned them... why?... = spite!

same thing happened when i bought some hush puppies (40 quid a pair) for him for my wedding, they went home with him and never seen again... as with plenty of other clothes.

but whilst i agree its not worth the agro... you cant let her walk over you... its not wise to argue in front of children, but since email can be read... send her an email, reminding her of her responsibility to provide for your child - as you are by paying child maintenance.

clothing is the day to day living costs which the PWC is supposed to provide for... food whilst the child is with you is your responsibility...

what would happen if you said to her "right, it costs me £5 to feed him you need to pay that"...

its the same deal as her saying "im not sending him with clothes"...

and contact order:- back to court...
means more money... every time you go back, its another application fee... if you cant afford to live... then how can you pay this fee? credit card? loan?
even then, how do you pay the debt thats building up?

kizz79

Something really needs to be done about the whole seperated parents issue. Firstly why is she reducing contact? If the child is 6 and at school then maybe every weekend is unfair as both parents want to spend free time with their kids, every other weekend and one night in the week for tea seems to work for my partners kids. I have had lots of problems with my daughters father. He pays £5 a week as claims he is skint to the CSA even though he has a car and holidays with his new partner. When i asked the CSA to look into it he made out he had part custody?? He sometimes fails to collect her. It makes he really angry that some fathers really want to see their kids and are prevented from doing so, but then it also makes me cross that they dont want to pay or see it as the mother getting paid, When in fact its all money towards the cost of living for the CHILD. With regards to clothes, have your own set of clothes!! It cuts out arguing about lost, damaaged, unreturned etc, to kit a child out per session costs aroung £60 if you shop wisely, even get coats and wellies! It shows you are activley showing an attempt to nurture also. Your not paying twice at all, think of it as CSA cash going to a roof over head, food, bills,school trips, treats, it all costs!
Whoever threatened their ex with social services needs a wake up call!! This is not child abuse!! Beaten starved and neglected kids need that help, not to be a meditor in "you didnt pack clothes" No wonder tensions are high! Plus how would you feel if the kids did get taken off the mother?
I have to bite my tongue, alot, But if it means my daughter sees her dad and feel no tension between HER PARENTS, then its all good.
Rememeber single mums are getting a very hard deal at the minute, we are the blame for all socioties problems, the fathers of these kids are not even mentioned.
Be calm, put a line in the sand, play the game and make fun times for your kids, time flys and it will be their memories you make.. PEACE..

wayne0

kizz79 wrote: »

Whoever threatened their ex with social services needs a wake up call!! This is not child abuse!! Beaten starved and neglected kids need that help, not to be a meditor in "you didnt pack clothes" No wonder tensions are high! Plus how would you feel if the kids did get taken off the mother?

that would be me...

and to be fair. SS was more than just the clothes... (such as the people the PWC leaves my son with whilst she is off out and about too... when i am perfectly happy to travel and watch my son... - the fact my child had his fingers chopped in doors... the fact he had fallen down the stairs when in the care of one of PWC dodgy friends... he ran off in front of a car whilst PWC was chatting to her mate... (i actually saw this myself... luckily it wasnt a 'typical young'en' driving..... the clothes was the last straw...

but the fact remains: the PWC is legally abliged to provide the day to day needs of the child - hence the reason for csa payments... clothing is a day to day need...

whilst 20 quid is not enough... the price has just gone up to 60 quid... then this will not be a one off cost... for a weekend how many pairs of trousers do you need... my kids get changed 2/3 times a day when they are with me...

if she is failing to provide for the needs of a child then social services have a resposability to get involved...

http://familylives.org.uk/advice/social-services-and-your-family

social services dont just take kids off their families willy nilly...

so, whats the issue...

and if the kids got took off their mother... then whats the problem.. im sure he wouldnt notice much, as most of the time hes not even with his mother... shes off out and about without him... leaving him with other people.

kizz79

Well if thats the case why have you not applied for a residency order? If shes an unfit mum? You can kit a kid out in primark do pennies, you dont have to do it all in one wek just bits each week, Ive got 3 kids and Im a student so moneys tight but my kids always look smart, My ex and I agreed on seperate clothes after i sent some lovely new clothes and never saw them again, frustrating to say the least.

babsand16

Surprise surprise, father picked child up today. No clothes, just what he is wearing. He isn't going back until Monday.

wayne0

babsand16 wrote: »

Surprise surprise, father picked child up today. No clothes, just what he is wearing. He isn't going back until Monday.

write an email outlining the issue... and that you would hope clothes are included... its not feasable for an XX yearold to have one set of clothes for X days...

... and ensure you take a copy of email and reply you might get to court with you when it gets to that stage....