My neighbour Elsie

Ms_Chocaholic

Elsie, my elderly neighbour who often comes to visit for tea popped by today. We started chatting and she was so upset. She has two granddaughters who visited her today with their dad, their mum is Elsie's youngest daughter. They are visitng her husband's parents this year so they brought the presents and cards today. I say presents, the dad brought a box of chocs and an envelope containing vouchers (probably), Elsie hasn't opened it but she said thats what she usually gets. The granddaughters just gave their nan a card each, no gifts.

I know Christmas is about giving and not receiving but the granddaughters are both over 20 and nan gives them a sizeable cheque for their bdays and xmas every year. Both granddaughters work full time and neither live at home but live with their partners, so you think they would have got even a token gift for their nan.

Elsie was so upset, I didn't know what to do, ive not seen her like this before. Its so hard what to say in a situation like this.

Ms Chocaholic x

nearlyrich

Well she could stop the cheques and plan to leave the lot to the cat's home that might change the game, sadly if people don't care about their elderly rlatives enough to buy a little gift there is not a lot you can do.

springdreams

This may well not be what Elsie would want to hear, but I would say that the time has come for her to stop giving the grandchildren any more gifts, money or cheques. Just a simple birthday card or Christmas card should do.

It might also be worth her saying something to her youngest daughter about how she feels about the behaviour of her grandchildren, and letting her know that no more gifts will be forthcoming from Elsie as a result of this lack of consideration on the part of the grandchildren.

McKneff

Lots of grandparents are in the same boat.

We get gifts from our son and we used to give money to our grandsons but we ended up in the same situation as Elsie. They dont get money anymore, they get a gift, anything round about a tenner, we dont even get a card unless someone reminds them. It does hurt but Ive learned to live with it;
To be honest, I would be ecstatic if I was in Elsies shoes and they came to visit me, mine will come for a meal as long as I do the inviting, go and pick them up and take them home again. No way.

Bennifred

I wonder if they even thank her for the cheques, or just take them for granted? Just goes to show you can't buy love or respect.......poor Elsie.:(

*zippy*

A friend of mine had something sort of similar with her Son and Grandchildren, she stopped giving them money and instead books herself to go away for Christmas and New Year, she has a great time

Ms_Chocaholic

Bennifred wrote: »

I wonder if they even thank her for the cheques, or just take them for granted? Just goes to show you can't buy love or respect.......poor Elsie.:(

Elsie said she does not get thank you cards, they will thank her in person when she hands over the card I assume but she doesn't get a phone call after Christmas and after they have opened the gift to say thank you.

Elsie said when her daughter visits her next after Christmas, she will say oh, Megan and (sorry I can't remember her other granddaughter's name) say thank you for the gifts.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I could scream, if I was related I'm sure I'd have something to say but unfortunately I'm not.

RoxieW

We went to visit grandparents today and took them both a lovely Xmas cake from our local cake maker and a photo of our boys. They don't give us anything in return but that doesnt bother us in the slightest. If Elsie begrudges the cheques then she shouldn't give them. I would imagine that many grandparents would prefer a visit over a gift. Sadly it was noted today that us, with our twice yearly visits, actually see more of the grandparents than their other grandchildren who live in the same village (one lives opposite on the same street and never visits!) I find that really shocking.

kingfisherblue

These are really sad stories. My kids see their grandparents every week, often more frequently. They see their dad's parents every weekend, usually both days, even though my ex and I split up almost eight years ago. I didn't want my children not to have a good relationship with their grandparents - after all, it wasn't the kids fault or their nan and grandad's fault that we split up.

My mum only lives round the corner, and we all see her a few times a week. I ring every day if I can't get round to see her. My youngest is 13, and often pops round to help her with things she is finding difficult. He has put up and taken down her Christmas decorations for the last three years or so.

Neither grandparent can afford expensive presents, but they do enjoy seeing the kids. Likewise, my kids enjoy spending time with their grandparents.

I think that they are very lucky, as all of my grandparents had died before I was born.

It is so easy for young people to take their older relatives for granted. I know it isn't always easy to visit, but a phone call, or a few words written in a card every couple of weeks would show elderly family that they are still loved and thought about. One day we will all be older, God willing, and maybe then some of the youngsters mentioned on this thread will realise that they should have spent more time with their relatives, as they may be in the same position of being ignored.

Mckneff, your post made me as sad as the OP did. I have come to respect your posts during my time on MSE, and it must hurt terribly. I wish you, Elsie, and others in the same position a happy Christmas.

Hope2008

It would break my heart to think my children would act like this when they are older. My 2 boys are real Nana's boys - they adore my mum and she adore's them. My eldest (5) says he can't wait until he's old enough to walk to Nana's so he can have a nice cup of tea, a biscuit and a chat with her. We're lucky that mum lives a 3 minute walk from us so the boys have seen her almost every day since they were born. I'm hoping this give them a lasting bond that they'll cherish & respect as they get older. My dad and my husbands parents have all passed away so it means even more to me that they have a good relationship with their Nana.
It's so sad how things turn out sometimes x

briclegg

tell elsie she can come and have xmas with us.no need to buy or bring anything.i am old school in my sixties and brought up propper.
a bit of kindness goes a long way and dont cost.and nothing whatever wanted or required in return.just for her to be with someones family and enjoy

or elsie book in same as they say a cruise a hotel etc for xmas and new year use money you were giving them and enjoy being pampered looked after and company