Why would you do this?

DUTR

A quick summary...
Not commited relationship, disolves, discovers that she is expecting weeks later, ex not interested. baby comes along letter is written to the 'doner' , no reply 3 years later there is some contact with the ex leading to contact with the child, both parents have partners. After a few years contact ceases and 12 months later a claim via the csa is opened and is running error free for 6 years.
Now today out of the blue the NRP recieves a text "I know times have moved on and I really don't know if I'm doing the right thing, but would you like to meet up sometime? PWC"

Naturally I have not replied and not likely to during 2012 (if at all) , just curious as to why the PWC may have sent the text?

Person_one

Based on this and previous posts, God only knows.

Auntie-Dolly

How come they had the phone number?

shegirl

Maybe in the hope the father and child can get to know each other?

DUTR

Person_one wrote: »

Based on this and previous posts, God only knows.

Hence why I asked the question, I know my way is not the only way

Auntie-Dolly wrote: »

How come they had the phone number?

Quite simply because I have the same mobile number for the last 18 years and not likely to change it .

shegirl wrote: »

Maybe in the hope the father and child can get to know each other?

Thanks, it is indeed the initial reaction, can't figure why after all this time (and the timing is a bit suspicious in my eyes) , I will wait and see if there are any further contact attempts. After all as Auntie Dolly points out, how can the sender be sure they have sent to the correct number? (there have been no random witheld recieved calls) .

whitewing

Is the child old enough now to be wanting contact themselves? Or maybe there are issues with the child that PWC wants to discuss.

My DS is a teenager now, sees his dad sometimes. I am now settled and would love to have a better relationship with his dad, just to be able to email him and actually get a response. Although some of what I'd tell him is trivial to an adult, it is important to DS, but we haven't had a response.

DUTR

whitewing wrote: »

Is the child old enough now to be wanting contact themselves? Or maybe there are issues with the child that PWC wants to discuss.

My DS is a teenager now, sees his dad sometimes. I am now settled and would love to have a better relationship with his dad, just to be able to email him and actually get a response. Although some of what I'd tell him is trivial to an adult, it is important to DS, but we haven't had a response.

Child is a teenager and able to travel from town to city solo , I couldn't answer for wanting, good point about 'issues' that may need discussing , although text , email, facebook isn't the ideal way (IMO) , it 'must' have taken a big heart to send the text.

shegirl

DUTR wrote: »

Child is a teenager and able to travel from town to city solo , I couldn't answer for wanting, good point about 'issues' that may need discussing , although text , email, facebook isn't the ideal way (IMO) , it 'must' have taken a big heart to send the text.

Text or email isn't the ideal way,no. However, due to the length of time it won't have been any easy thing to do and would be less of a shock than a phonecall or letter.

The child being a teen and old enough to travel on their own is nothing to do with it really. They may be old enough to want to choose contact themselves aswell. But, it may be the mother wants to test the water and check your interest in the child and whether it will cause too much discomfort the the child.

Maybe, she just wants to talk to you before anything. Maybe she thinks you should both make an effort so if contact were to happen it goes right? Maybe there are issues from the past she wants to clear up for the benefit of your child.

If none of the above she's just decided you're absolutely amazing and misses you :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

DUTR

shegirl wrote: »

Text or email isn't the ideal way,no. However, due to the length of time it won't have been any easy thing to do and would be less of a shock than a phonecall or letter.

The child being a teen and old enough to travel on their own is nothing to do with it really. They may be old enough to want to choose contact themselves aswell. But, it may be the mother wants to test the water and check your interest in the child and whether it will cause too much discomfort the the child.

Maybe, she just wants to talk to you before anything. Maybe she thinks you should both make an effort so if contact were to happen it goes right? Maybe there are issues from the past she wants to clear up for the benefit of your child.

If none of the above she's just decided you're absolutely amazing and misses you :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I agree with your post as I had the same thoughts, the text in bold would be pretty much history repeating itself .
I have to undergo an operation next year and who knows I may not make it back from the theatre :eek:, the Mum is older than me and perhaps she too may have some worry about herself or in the process of completing her last testament statement.
I understand that only the text sender knows the true reason and the correct way is to test the water, as for 'wanting contact' .... well I have part of the choice in that too .
The cynic in me suspects soon to come Xmas and birthday could be a motive, but then plenty have been missed over the years so another shouldn't make any difference

DUTR

Just an update, I have decided to reply earlier than planned with

" I don't know if you are doing the right thing, as only you know what your motive is? But it must have taken a big heart to send the message. So in answer to your message I can meet up sometime"

Which is pretty damn diplomatic for me

sulkisu

DUTR wrote: »

Just an update, I have decided to reply earlier than planned with

" I don't know if you are doing the right thing, as only you know what your motive is? But it must have taken a big heart to send the message. So in answer to your message I can meet up sometime"

Which is pretty damn diplomatic for me

FWIW you did the right thing. Under the circumstances, i.e. where there is a child involved, if PWC makes contact I believe NRP should hear them out. Not for the PWC's sake but for the sake of the child. If her motives/reason turns out to be BS, you can tell her where to go. But it might be something important to do with your child, so you can't afford to take chances. In response to your original question - why - I suspect that your child is asking questions. Or maybe, just maybe, the mother genuinely wants to make things right and help build a relationship between you and your child.