Customer compliance officer advice please.

canaryfan1503

Hello to all.

I'm just after a little bit of advice on what my options are on a matter which came up recently with a local customer compliance officer. Heres my story...

I recently made some stupid decisions and left my long term ex partner and 3 girls to pursue another relationship. I moved out of my family home and moved in with my new partner for a short while before that relationship went sour quickly and so I moved back in with my parents.
I now live 40 miles away from my children and over time and hard work my ex is now allowing me to spend some time with her and our 3 children again for which I am so very grateful to her. Because of the distance I have to travel to see my girls she eventually allowed me to stay over 3 nights a week on the days I get see my children (tuesdays and saturdays are my days so she was allowing me to stay monday night and friday and saturday night) so I get to have more time with them and so I get to take them to school and put them to bed at night etc, again all of which i am extremely grateful to her for. She said to me from the off that 3 nights was allowed for someone who is claiming as a single parent and i agreed as i had previously read about it somewhere so we believed we were doing nothing wrong. For the record we are not together and when i stayed i slept on the sofa. This went on for a couple of months max until we received a letter from a customer compliance officer stating that my ex needed to come in for an interview regarding her benefits. We thought nothing of it and just assumed it was a review or something, so imagine my surprise when i get a phone call at work from my ex in tears saying she is being investigated for fraud as the dwp believe we are now back living together and she is claiming fraudulently!! I couldnt believe it...Im at a loss as to what we do and how do we PROVE that im not living there? This has devastated my ex and she is now refusing to let me anywhere near the house or my girls as she doesnt want to give the CCO any more reason to pursue her when we believe we have done nothing wrong in the 1st place.

Have we??


Sorry for going on, I'm sure I've missed out some information so please don't hesitate to ask and any advice would be gratefully received.

Thank you.

nannytone_2

co you have any financial links to the house that your ex lives in?
are any of the bills in your name?
what address does work have for you?
where does your mail go?
have you changed the address at your bank?
have you changed GP's?

there is no 3 night rule. in fact, people can live in seperate places and still be classed as a couple.

when you are there do you eat together?
do you go shopping together?
do you go out as a family together?

there is so much more to being seen as a couple , than merely sleeping in the same bed

FBaby

One key question to add: Are you paying any child maintenance, either via csa (ideally) or at least by regular payment (with reference to children's maintenance, ideally).

honey10

Have you been taken off the CT bill for your ex's property?
Where are you on the electoral roll?

DaisyFlower

You keep saying "we" but are not a couple?

If you reside elsewhere then its easily proved. Your name on the electrol role, council tax bill, tax records through work, car insurance etc.

Maintainance is also another way given you are working (although presumably few hours as you are away three nights a week).

Its not just these details though, given you have children together, regularly spend the night, eat together they may believe its a claim to maximise benefits.

canaryfan1503

I do pay her csa yes, it comes straight out of wages every month through my work, which by the way is full time hours. I work in retail and I am a tax payer just like every other hard working british citizen in this country.

How do i change my address on the electoral roll as havent voted since the last general election so not something i thought of doing!!
All my bank, car insurance, work details etc are registered to my mum and dads house where i currently reside! I believe the british gas bill at my exes house is still in my name but thats it! oh and I havent changed my address with my GP as rarely need the doctors so that is an over sight on my part and something i will do straight away!! As for council tax, my mum and dad pay that so my name wont be on it and the local authority pay my exes council tax so i assume my name wont be on that either!!

When i am there to see my girls she does occasionally feed me and i do occasionally take her shopping to help her out as i drive and she doesnt so it saves her having to balance a buggy and a load of shopping when she can just get use out of the car while i am there...but surely that cant be wrong can it? If so how so? Just because me and her are not a couple doesnt mean we have to stay completely out of the way of each other does it? Are you not allowed to be friends with your ex in this day and age if 1 of you is claiming benefit as a single parent?

Maybe i am just completely naive to how benefits work nowadays!

So where did this 3 night rule come from?? as i am not the only person to have made that assumption on this site, it has to of come from somewhere right??

Oh and just for the record i do not give her any MORE money or pay for any shopping of hers while i am with her.

Apologies DaisyFlower for referring to my ex and I as "we" it is merely bad habit after being with her for so long previously.

I'm so confused by all this, i honestly thought we were doing no wrong, I am a working male who hates people that fraudulently cheat the system and i would never do the same thing knowingly.

Thank you for the responses so far.

midnight_express

There is no three night rule (or anY other number of nights) , it is a very common urban myth. It is also not about whether you are sleeping together. It is about living together as husband and wife or rather being seen to do so by the DWP.

princessdon

To give you an idea on the 3 night rule and why they are checking you etc.

I am married, very happily and in a loving relationship.

My hubby works away and spends 2 nights on average at home per week.

So because he spends under 4 nights are we now entitled to be treat as single?

can you see why nights at home are irrelevant.

From what you say though you have enough evidence to support your claim. My finanl comment is have you applied for credit at that address recently? DWP are using linked credit reports, so if you still have a joint bank account, or recently applied for credit (mobile phones and sky included etc) at that address it could be what triggered this.

On an aside it is refreshing to see someone admit a mistake and put their children first like you do.

canaryfan1503

I can understand that midnight express and the 3 night rule I should of actually looked up for myself rather than taking other peoples words for it, for that i am very naive.

princessdon you have come up with an excellent point and I can now see how it is irrelevant so for that I thank you. Sorry if i sound dumb but when things are explained in plain english like that i find it so much easier to understand.

As for credit, I dont think I have, I had to use my exes address when I applied for credit on my monthly car payments when i bought it as they ask for previous addresses if you havent been living at your current address for a certain period of time but thats it.

Thank you again princessdon for your last comment in your post, i always put my girls first even if i didnt want the relationship with my ex.

I will reiterate that we are not a couple and she does not want us to be after I left her and stupidly strayed! We are purely helping out 1 another as stated in my previous posts as we are currently good friends.

princessdon

canaryfan1503 wrote: »

I can understand that midnight express and the 3 night rule I should of actually looked up for myself rather than taking other peoples words for it, for that i am very naive.

princessdon you have come up with an excellent point and I can now see how it is irrelevant so for that I thank you. Sorry if i sound dumb but when things are explained in plain english like that i find it so much easier to understand.

As for credit, I dont think I have, I had to use my exes address when I applied for credit on my monthly car payments when i bought it as they ask for previous addresses if you havent been living at your current address for a certain period of time but thats it.

Thank you again princessdon for your last comment in your post, i always put my girls first even if i didnt want the relationship with my ex.

I will reiterate that we are not a couple and she does not want us to be after I left her and stupidly strayed! We are purely helping out 1 another as stated in my previous posts as we are currently good friends.

As an aside as a hopeless romantic - Maybe one day you can be as you both seem to still care and have a lot in common?


But that isn't what this is about.

pmlindyloo

I agree that from what you have sadi you have enough evidence to prove that you live apart.

As an aside, it would helpful to know if your ex. was told that there was a 3 night rule and by whom.

My sister was told of the 3 night rule when she asked about her benefits so it is not surprising that people get this wrong!