Since when did it become acceptable to ask about others finances?

lindseykim13

Just wanted a kind of vent really and to see if i'm the only one who thought it wasn't the 'done' thing to ask about other peoples money.
Our circumstances as a family have changed a lot in the last year and we are getting by just.
However i am getting really fed up of my in laws trying to worm info about our finances out of DH.
Repeated questions about if we get any benefits, how much money we earn you get the gist.
I always thought it was rude to ask things like this? At first you could put it down to possibly asking in a caring way making sure we have enough money maybe so they could help out.

But despite being told that we are fine they keep asking and checking up and now other family members keep dropping questions in trying to gain info.
I'm starting to think they think we are doing some sort of scam or something and we know they have been talking about us to other family members.
We've done nothing wrong and don't think we should be made to have to explain ourselves to them.

Does anyone else think this is normal?

Mojisola

lindseykim13 wrote: »

At first you could put it down to possibly asking in a caring way making sure we have enough money maybe so they could help out.

Why don't you think this is behind their questions?

amus

Suppose it depends on the relationship you have with people.

Personally, Im quite an open person with my parents/in laws and discussing my financial situation with them is something I do quite openly, and therefore would probably do it with my own children without seeing it as being something out of the ordinary.

I suppose its just that different people see things differently, Im sure they dont mean to be rude.

balletshoes

while it sounds annoying and intrusive, i don't necessarily think its anything sinister, your in-laws might just be looking for a bit of reassurance that you really are financially managing.

We had a thread on here not long ago about whats appropriate about asking questions about friends/relatives/acquaintances finances etc - i think here in the UK we are probably the most guarded about it, in other countries its considered normal to ask .

Any

Mojisola wrote: »

Why don't you think this is behind their questions?

This.
Also - it is his family. They had him as their major concern in their life ever since he was born and they will continue to do so until they die.
I think in families it is a bit different situation...

My inlaws never ever talked about money in their family and my OH has no idea how to deal with them as a consequence. At first he would not even discuss it with me, the woman to become his wife. I soon put stop to that I tell you, but at first he thought it is crass to have to talk about money.

I can see why it bothers you from other family members then the very closest ones though. If you think they are being rude, then tell them that it is and you don't wish to discuss. Don't worry about their feelings - as obviously they are not worried about yours right now.

lindseykim13

Mojisola wrote: »

Why don't you think this is behind their questions?

Previous family problems, i might sound paranoid but recently nobody spoke to us for a year based on something my in laws said about us.
We don't get on well and th chances of them helping out it pretty much 0 anyway.
They are just being nosey and in an obvious mannor-since when did it become ok to say 'bet the benefits help?'
They like a good gossip (large family) and seems we are back at no1 in who to slag off.

BitterAndTwisted

It's never been acceptable to poke your nose into other people's private business. Family don't necessarily put themselves into the same category as everybody else in this respect.

If you think their questions aren't being driven by genuine concern and a desire to help if it's needed, just ask them why they need to know.

BitterAndTwisted

"Bet the benefits help"? My response would be along the lines of "Oh, yes, they do. We spend it all on beer, fags and cocaine at the weekends! By the way, what do you do with all your money?"

Any

lindseykim13 wrote: »

They are just being nosey and in an obvious mannor-since when did it become ok to say 'bet the benefits help?'

THAT had never become acceptable, I can guarantee you that.
That is quite disgusting.

What does your OH have to say about this?

lindseykim13

Any wrote: »

This.
Also - it is his family. They had him as their major concern in their life ever since he was born and they will continue to do so until they die.
I think in families it is a bit different situation...

This did make me chuckle as they are not normal parents imo
Youngest of 7 was told he was 'meant' to be a girl-the only reason they had him.
Always been mentally bullied by them until i came along 11yrs ago and wouldn't allow it anymore as they then tried to bully me and our kids.
Things have been up and down over the years with periods of them not speaking.
So back to where we are today they are not the best caring parents most are, and are not asking these questions out of kindness. DH is actually the one who is fed up of it and i only hear what he tells me.

The problem comes when they have clearly been talking about our finances with distant relatives who then seem to know all about us when we bump into them in the street.

BitterAndTwisted

If you're back at being Number One of who they like to slag off, it seems to me that they should be Number One on your "Not talking to, ever. Not even when hell freezes over" list.

Toxic trouble-makers need to be excised from our lives like a cancer.