Since when did it become acceptable to ask about others finances?

Dunroamin

lindseykim13 wrote: »

The problem comes when they have clearly been talking about our finances with distant relatives who then seem to know all about us when we bump into them in the street.

I think that, if you live in the sort of situation where you bump into distant relatives in the street, you have to expect that your personal information is going to be common currency.

FATBALLZ

I wouldn't say it's a taboo subject as such, but you'd only generally discuss finances with certain people. Generally it's a good idea not to go asking people who probably don't earn much relative to yourself.

My mum annoys me quite a bit with this, when I was young and living at home and I asked about what she earned she would say "none of your business", yet now she's always asking my partner what I earn...

Giraffeseeker

As a child my family NEVER spoke about money, ever. I know both my Mum and Dad struggled post-divorce (Mum more so) but it wasn't ever talked about. Both are OK now and my Mum does talk about money a little, but only her finances - being 65 and still having a couple of thousand on the mortgage, telling me she's delighted she's finally credit-card debt free after 25 years, telling me her husband has £x thousand in savings but also has a CC of a quarter of that amount at 29% interest (you can imagine my response to that one!). She never asks about mine, even to see if I am "doing OK" after my divorce, and I never volunteer the information. She was horrified to discover, via my Uncle, that my cousin was £10K in debt, heaven knows what she would say to my situation.

I would prefer my children to be open with me though. I don't want them to see it as a taboo subject as I do. I feel like I never was "educated" about finances, about budgeting, etc and I don't want my kids falling into the same traps as I have. I will certainly tell them the whole story about my DMP etc before they leave home, and I really hope to be debt free before my 14 year old goes off to Uni so I can support him with a monthly amount.

I will most certainly take an interest (pry?) into my sons' finances while they are young, ie at Uni or in the first few years of work. This is because I will want to know they are coping financially and not getting into horrendous debt. And help, if I can.

Beyond that though, I would leave it to them. If they wanted to be open about their financial situation - good. If not, also fine.

desert_rose

Sounds as if they're fishing for gossiping purposes to me, given what you've said. I'd throw the fishing questions back at them next time and say something like

'I appreciate that we must be fascinating people to you but we do enjoy a bit of privacy about such matters. I'm sure you understand'.

Smile enigmatically while you're saying it and turn the tables by asking them about their finances!

thatlemming

I think when your in some situations its acceptable to talk about it (ie, all us uni crowd are fairly open about how much grant/loan we get and our wages etc) but other than that and my parents and partner I wouldn't talk about it much if I had a proper job and a mortgage etc.

lindseykim13

Thanks for all the replies. I think until they say something else that is not acceptable to us we won't be saying anything further about it.
However one more poke around about what we do and don't get i won't be happy.
I really don't mind them asking how work is going which they did yesterday when we saw them, but prodding further is pushing it.
It seems to be the only thing they are interested in, they are very much a pair of show offs. I think they like to go around comparing their kids careers ect and which one earns the most money to their friends and other family.

Carl31

These things are only a problem if you make it a problem

Who cares what people think?

Mojisola

Carl31 wrote: »

These things are only a problem if you make it a problem

Who cares what people think?

Humour can often defuse problems like this. Have a range of silly answers available - they'll get the message that you aren't going to give them any real information.

londonsurrey

If they're nosey showoffs then hit them where it hurts. Reply with "Why? Do you need a loan?", look them straight in their eyes and hold the stare.

geoffky

You would not believe the questions my wife was asked in the shop in our village after i had sold the business for a fair sum...It was dam rude.. It also embarrassed my wife...