Marriage is over - No idea what to do next! Updated

lolly_896

Well it's come to a head the past few days and we have both decided neither can continue to live like this.

I feel ok, just a bit sad that I've missed my Christmas do last night and he's gone out tonight as well a ticketed event which we were both going to (My parent's bought us the tickets but I've let him take a friend) I really wanted to go.

So it's 10 days until Christmas and i haven't a pot to pee in and i'm wondering where the hell i'm going to get £1000 for rent and deposit. We have a short break booked for Wednesday us and the children, i really hope he doesn't mind me taking them on my own.

We are currently in a rented house, i know he won't move until I do. It seems really daft, but once I move out with the children he will. But i know he won't walk away from it.

Jesus, such trivial things are making me cry!

BitterAndTwisted

If you're both in agreement that your relationship is broken and cannot be fixed, why doesn't he move out and you stay there with the children?

Is it a joint-tenancy and are you still in your fixed-term? If so, there might be no easy walking-away even if you did have the money to leave.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Who will the children live with or will you be going for 50/50 residency?

Why did you not go to your christmas party?

lolly_896

He's not a pro active type of person, he would pretend he was looking for somewhere but not do a thing about it. Then things would no longer be amicable

We are on a rolling tenancy, so i guess only 1 months notice will be required.

ETA I'd guess we'd share custody. He does long hours but 3 days one week and 4 days the other. So is of 7 out of 14 days

Christmas party I didn't go because he was late home from work, and generally didn't feel up too it after realising that my children's world's were about to be ripped to shreds

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Can you stay with your parents whilst you save up the deposit. Can you save it up yourself. Ebay absolutely everything you don't need. Would your parents be in a position to loan you deposit.

What are your working circumstances and how old are your kids.

Does your husband often sabotage your nights out when he isn't invited? I notice he wasn't working late when it was his turn to go out.

lolly_896

both my parents are recovering from Cancer.

Will have a chat with my mum tomorrow, it would probably ok to loan the money just worrying about paying it back. I do work, normally on my husbands off days or his grandparents help out.

It wasn't his turn, we were due to go out together tonight. I honestly don't go out enough for him to sabotage. I went to Dirty Dancing with my family a month ago, before that i honestly cannot remember doing anything since January

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Borrow the money off your parents and start looking for a place for you and the kids. If your hubby isn't gonna leave then there's no point wasting time wishing he would.

Speak to tax credits or visit the entitled to website to see how money income you will have and how much housing benefit and council tax benefit you will be eligible for when you claim as a single person.

Have a half hour free session with a solicitor to see where you stand with regards to the children. If there's no money to split and you are both agreed on 50/50 residence then it should hopefully be a straightforward and not to expensive divorce.

Keep personal matters like the above to yourself and don't tell your husband too much. I don't know your history but just want to say that women are most likely to be assaulted by their partners at the time that they leave the relationship.

You didn't say how old the kids were. If they are in secondary school they would probably be allowed to choose for themselves where they live.

lolly_896

Thank you for your help.

I know most people don't think they'd be a victim but husband isn't a violent person. Infact i'd say i'm more likely to be volatile.

Children are in Nursery and Infant school, hopefully they'll be resilient enough to deal with this

philb120

Hugs to you Lolly. There's a number of us going through this at the moment and everyone is very supportive here x x

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Lolly the reason I mentioned about the domestic abuse is because you said that matters had come to a head over the last few days, when you'd arranged your first night out since January. Almost as if all the time you had stayed home things were ok, but when you had a night out planned, all this blew up.

I could be barking up the wrong tree of course.

Can you tell us a bit more about what caused alll this?

lolly_896

What escalated the whole thing was me having surgery on my face. 10 years ago i had bells palsy and have ever since has residual effects. I was explaining to him that there were now options for me to have surgery and he listened but didn't acknowledge that i had spoken. I know he heard what i had said because once prompted he was like we'll never afford it anyways!! It felt like he doesn't care about something that so obviously affects my confidence. (My parent's have agreed to foot the bill for any surgery i wish to have - NHS deem it cosmetic)
I know its only small but it really really hurts & once i spoke to him about it he just said well he doesn't want this anymore and i agree'd that if he can't support me then i don't want "us" either