Teenagers !!!

patchwork_cat

Hi
I have decided that my kids have to pull their weight and at least clean their rooms to my satisfaction. Well anyone would have thought I was sending my son up the chimney! (He is 14 and too big to fit anyway!)

He took all of 10 minutes and then said that took ages. I went to have a look and wasn't happy with his idea of dusting - oh well He hates me I am terrible, slam door. Various other expletives and general comments on my character. I didn't loose my temper just told him to do it until I was satisfied.

I am not particularly house proud an dso many standards are not Anthea's no white glove.

I have lots of parenting books watch supernanny etc. my latest book acquistion is how to talk to tennagers by Faber and Mazlish which I am working through and have ordered siblings without rivalry by the same authors - that is another issue!

Does anyone else have any tips or great books I could try?

Gingernutmeg

Not sure if this is a useful tip lol, but the only thing that made my teenage brother clean his bedroom was his girlfriend, who refused to come over unless he cleaned it up ...

Curious_George_2

when my mum decided she wasnt going to help tidy my room anymore she also said that if the dirty clothes were not put in the laundry basket thing they would not get done
(this seems to be simple yet cunning... as i look at my room now and its still all clothes on the floor!)

obviously being an obnoxious teenager i slipped up and when i found myself without any clean clothes to go out in a few times running i soon gave up my stubborn streak and made more of an effort,
im not saying i was reformed overnight, but my clothes got washed regularly and my room wasnt so bad (still messy enough to drive my mums interfering husband mental, but just clean enough that i didnt fall over every time i walked into the room)

SSB

Hi
My children have cleaned their rooms since they were 7 and 9 ( they are now 8 and 10,they also do their own ironing). Incredibly great motivator was the threat ' if it's on the foor, it will end up in a charityshop...'
I do not demand perfection but the rooms are dust/dirt free and their toys etc... are in a reasonable order. I believe that it is importamt for the children to learn how to look after themselves, mine do not even complain anymore because they are so used to doing these things.

nearlyrich

My tip is fight the important battles, I have two "children" now almost 20 and 21, the bedroom battle was a bit of a nightmare, my rule was no smell on the landing and enough cups etc in the cupboards, not my problem. DD recently decided she wanted to do up her room. I spent a couple of hours helping her declutter and showed her again that stuff you use once per year shouldn't occupy the most prominent drawer in the room and she got it sorted and now keeps it really tidy and clean.

Alikay

I have 3 teenagers, so I understand the whole room-cleaning thing. We try and have a special thing on a Friday night where we all go upstairs for 10 minutes to sort the bedrooms out. I make them take out all the rubbish and bag it. Then put all the washing in the laundry basket. Finally they have to empty and sort their school/college bags, so I don't have minging rugby kit and festering banana skins in tupperware pots left for days!

Its not perfect, but it's a start...their standards ARE different to mine, but I accept that my own domestic hygiene was not so good at a similar age. If they lose something, or an article of clothing isn't clean when required it's tough - and I must admit that they are very good at shouldering that responsibility when it happens.

Try not to worry too much, there are bigger battles to fight as they get older. And you can always shut their bedroom doors!

Firefly

How about either 'how to talk to kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk' or the teen version, 'how to talk so teens will listen, etc'. Easy to find on Amazon.

They are brilliant. AND work!! All about how to communicate clearly and get a good dialogue going between you both without 'sweating the small stuff'.

belfastgirl23

TBH I'd let this one go. Insist that shared areas are kept clear and that basic hygiene is observed (eg no food left lying in rooms or perhaps no eating in rooms) but apart from this there are doors for a reason, keep it closed and don't think about it. Agree with curious george on the clothes rule too. If you can present these rules as part of the deal for otherwise not interfering it might work okay. Life is too short to have arguments about this. And there are bigger battles to be fought. I also think that there are some situations where the only thing you have control over is your own response and this is one of them.

magic57

Hi. I'm the parent of two boys aged 21 and 16. The eldest one's bedroom is a bomb site. However if I close the door it doesn't bother me as it's his private zone! Youngest one is causing other problems at present.
One book I found helpful is "How to deal with your acting up teenager" You can get it from amazon. It made sense to me - after you get over the initial shock of making them responsible for their actions and taking back your own life. I think I'll buy it again. I wore out the first copy!

Good luck!

ailuro2

Close the door- if they want it dirty, then fine- just let them know there will be no eating or drinking in the bedrooms, and no laundry done for them while it is untidy, but that it is their choice.

Then get on with loving your wonderful teenagers:D - too much time spent nagging them will leave a long term nasty taste- just tell them the rules and leave it.

If they refuse to stop eating in the bedrooms then don't buy the snacks/pizzas for them.And don't leave any leftovers lying around either;) - it's probably the only 'hoovering up' you can get teens to do.

Objd

Thanks - feeling yuck after doing budget. This made me smile :-)
My tips:
If siblings fight - dont interrupt and dont get involved. It stops quicker
Anything on floor gets eaten by vac or bin bag - give fair warning
When you go to bed clear a space to their bedroom door incase fire ....... :-)