Divorcing a non EU national

blondee55

Not sure if this is the right place or not? My DD is divorcing her husband who is Swiss and who works abroad. He earns really good money and agreed initially to a financial settlement (monthly payment) However he now has changed his mind and is refusing to pay the sum agreed. He is still paying for their children (over the amount the CSA advises) and is still paying the mortgage. The amount he is giving her is IMHO plenty for them to live on. She is now pleading poverty and will not listen to reason. He has now stated he will not be coming back to the UK, my daughter is adamant that she is "entitled" to the amount initially agreed. With him being out of the country and a non EU national is there anyway this settlement can be enforced through the UK courts. The original settlement was based on him working lots of overtime, but he has since found out she is seeing someone else (quite serious) and is refusing to fund her and her new partner, he has therefore stopped all overtime but is willing to give her 50% of his basic salary. Any advice would be greatly appreciated....

lushlifesaver

Sorry I can't help on the legal/court enforcement side of this problem but I would suspect that however it was handled they would be interested to hear the reasons she feels 'entitled' to so much money.

In my opinion he is doing a good thing in supporting his children, over and above the level suggested to them. And he is still willing to give her 50% of his salary?! It sounds to me that whilst he may earn enough to be so generous that he may be slightly crazy! She has a new partner and is receiving adequate child maintenance and still expects to receive what sounds like it could be a sizeable sum each month from the individual who will be an ex-partner?

I would expect that by whatever means this is settled the professionals will expect to hear from her as to what her reasoning is, as I have said above. Does she work? and if not is she able to in order to support herself and her children. If it is serious with her new partner would they be looking to move in together/would he then be supporting her? Is her lifestyle but choice (large house and therefore large rent/mortgage, unneccessary spending/high amounts of luxeries?) or by necessity? e.g. modest house, reasonable spending etc? Sorry but it sounds as if she has been a kept woman and is expecting this to continue even after they go their separate ways - not meaning to start an argument or cause anything but that is the view I get from your post.

It would probably be best for her to consult a solicitor - a family case/divorce specialist if possible - and use the 30minute consultation that many offer for free to get some accurate legal advice on her position and how it would be likely to proceed

flutterby_lil

Wow, 50% of his basic salary, he seems very generous. She should snap his offer up before he changes his mind about that.

Maybe he thinks she was having an affair, given that you say it is serious with the new man.

VestanPance

Sounds like he was happy to support the life style what was his family, but not to support the life style of her and her new man.

I'm not certain what the legal bearing on this would be, but I would be surprised if legally in a UK court if he is liable for anything other than child support.

It sounds like your daughter may be in for a rude awakening about having to fund her own life style now the divorce has taken place and that she may have to accept financially she is likely to be worse off than she was while when married.

RAS

Hi

Go over to the Child Support sub-forum for technical advice re REMO etc.

The basic requirement for child support via the CSA is 20 percent of salary for two children. It is possible that she would get short-term spousal maintenance if the children are under school age and/or she has not worked for years because of his work (this covers people who had to give up work to raise a family for various reasons). But this is usually designed to cover a period during which the parent with care can re-enter the workplace.

VestanPance

RAS wrote: »

Hi

Go over to the Child Support sub-forum for technical advice re REMO etc.

The basic requirement for child support via the CSA is 20 percent of salary for two children. It is possible that she would get short-term spousal maintenance if the children are under school age and/or she has not worked for years because of his work (this covers people who had to give up work to raise a family for various reasons). But this is usually designed to cover a period during which the parent with care can re-enter the workplace.

In most situations this would be good advice, but if I'm reading the OP's post correctly this guy even now seems to be offering what would be way above any legal minimum.

It might be worth the OP's daughter looking at the legal grounding, as it may open her eyes to what the guy could legally pay and walk away with her and the children even worse off.

The guy in question sounds like he's more than willing to support the family, but has gotten annoyed or jumpy at the thought of funding his ex and her new man.

kingfisherblue

I hope the OP has told their daughter how selfish she is being. 50% of basic salary is way above what the courts would rule, should they ever get to court. Her ex husband is being more than fair, offering to pay such a large percentage of his salary, and the OP's daughter should respect the fact that he is willing to pay without any of the hoohaa that many women go through.

I don't know anything about claiming CSA from abroad, but in the UK, the amounts are 15% for one child, 20% for two children, and 25% for three or more children - this is from net pay.

OP, I suggest that you tell your daughter to stop being a diva and grow up. Sorry to sound harsh, but she does sound very selfish.

daska

On the surface I agree with the above posters but: How do you know that it's more than enough?

When DS1's dad left I told someone how much he had agreed to pay (after several months of "I'm only paying half the mortgage" nonsense) and they thought it was huge, not realising that he had left me to pay several debts which actually meant the amount in my pocket was substantially less.

Will the amount he's paying mean the children are able to, for example, continue attending the school, clubs, activities etc that they do now. Are there costs you're not factoring in such as maintenance on a pool etc.?

I have a friend who's maintenance looks enormous but with it came the constraint that she wasn't able to move to a cheaper property.

It's all about perspective - she quite possibly doesn't have any at the moment, but is yours actually the more accurate.

blondee55

kingfisherblue wrote: »

OP, I suggest that you tell your daughter to stop being a diva and grow up. Sorry to sound harsh, but she does sound very selfish.

Too late, already done that till I am blue in the face, if you read my original post you will see that. Why people post the obvious is beyond me. We are now not talking to daughter (well she is not talking to us)

Pollycat

blondee55 wrote: »

Too late, already done that till I am blue in the face, if you read my original post you will see that. Why people post the obvious is beyond me. We are now not talking to daughter (well she is not talking to us)

The above is, IMHO, very unfair.

I've just re-read your original post and can't see where you say that you've told your daughter - in the terminology suggested by kingfisherblue - that she's a diva and selfish. This is all you say:

blondee55 wrote: »

The amount he is giving her is IMHO plenty for them to live on. She is now pleading poverty and will not listen to reason.

Nothing about you being very straight with her and telling her she's a grasping, selfish little cow who ought to think herself very, very lucky that she's discarded a man who obviously has far higher moral standards than she does that he's being so generous with her - far, far more than she deserves after being so avaricious.

I read of so many women and know of so many in real life whose ex-husbands are so mean financially, this thread makes me want to throw up.

dundeediva

blondee55 wrote: »

Too late, already done that till I am blue in the face, if you read my original post you will see that. Why people post the obvious is beyond me. We are now not talking to daughter (well she is not talking to us)

No. You didnt put this in your OP. Stop being rude. There really is no need. Your daughter needs to accept she is getting MILES more than what she is "entitled" to. Legally, CSA enforcement amounts are the minimum. She is getting more than that.