BIL wants to tell police he lives at our address...

fluffnutter

Why do you even need to ask whether there are repercussions?? If you don't feel comfortable with his request (and who would, frankly) then just say no! I'm amazed anyone would even consider this.

JoJoArmani

Thanks everyone. I know it is wrong and no way do I want to be involved in his drama. Just need lots of reasons to tell the MIL cos I know she will give my OH grief, nice family I know, hence we live 35 miles away! this is not the first time he has been in trouble for this and he needs to look after his own affairs and keep us out. Thanks again!!

JoJoArmani

Update, he is on the phone to his Mum now and it sounds like he has been charged with assault on her. Hence I guess he needs to give a different address... But is still does not make sense, they know he lives there officially. He will have to give the GF's address or his Dads, or someone other than us! Families!!!

peachyprice

He's been charged with assulting his mother and she still expects you to help him by lying to the police?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

peachyprice wrote: »

He's been charged with assulting his mother and she still expects you to help him by lying to the police?

Assaulting the girlfriend, I think.


Of course, he will have been 'fitted up', he'd never hit a woman, it was self defence, she made him do it............

Ugh. Can you imagine the sort of people who would actually volunteer to give a piece of work like that a fake address, so they can go wandering around, threatening the victim and showing they are invincible?


Fortunately, the OP appears to have standards.

JoJoArmani

Yes I do, as a victim of domestic violence myself for years at the hand of my ex I know the horror of suffering DV!

Oh he will have done it we know he is a BAD WORD towards people when he is drunk... We know full well what he is like...

Anyways, it is something to do with needing to give the address of a responsible adult? And it was due to him being threatening and grabbing his mother and not letting her use her phone etc. She now feels bad, but he has been charged by the CPU so cannot retract her statement.

Good, he needs to wake up and stop being a T!@T, but will it work? I doubt it, he will be sorry and cry and in a year it will all happen again... Sorry this has happened lots of times but MIL is too soft.... Thanks again for taking the time to reply. Xxx

meritaten

JoJoArmani wrote: »

Yes I do, as a victim of domestic violence myself for years at the hand of my ex I know the horror of suffering DV!

Oh he will have done it we know he is a BAD WORD towards people when he is drunk... We know full well what he is like...

Anyways, it is something to do with needing to give the address of a responsible adult? And it was due to him being threatening and grabbing his mother and not letting her use her phone etc. She now feels bad, but he has been charged by the CPU so cannot retract her statement.

Good, he needs to wake up and stop being a T!@T, but will it work? I doubt it, he will be sorry and cry and in a year it will all happen again... Sorry this has happened lots of times but MIL is too soft.... Thanks again for taking the time to reply. Xxx

Yes, but you do not need to buy into the fantasy that is all a mistake and 'Poor boy' is misunderstood! Refuse! and if the address is given then make it plain you will deny it!
your MIL can say/do what she likes - your responsibility is to your OWN family!

coolcait

meritaten wrote: »

Yes, but you do not need to buy into the fantasy that is all a mistake and 'Poor boy' is misunderstood! Refuse! and if the address is given then make it plain you will deny it!
your MIL can say/do what she likes - your responsibility is to your OWN family!

Absolutely. Do not 'buy into the fantasy'. That enables abusers.

If he doesn't live with you, then that's what you say.

krlyr

I would just flat out say no. If she asks why, just say because it isn't true! If you need a non-personal reason just say your house insurance may be invalidated.

Believe me, if you say it once you will regret it! My younger brother lived with myself and my older brother for a while but only a couple of months until he stopped paying rent and we kicked him out. He didn't change his address for anything though and we were just constantly bombarded with legal letters, bailiff letters - one time a bailiff even turned up, wrote down what garden furniture they were going to take later that day and drove off, luckily I spotted the van leaving as I headed out for work and checked the mailbox so I could phone and explain, otherwise I would have got home from work to find half our garden furniture gone! Court fines, if he has any imposed, will be addressed to the address he claims he lives at and bailiffs recovering court-related fees have far more rights than regular debt collectors, they are not the kind of people you want to be on the bad side of (e.g. if you leave your window open a crack, or your back door open, they have the right to enter your house and seize goods since they haven't forced entry - I spent months paranoid that we might leave a window ajar, plus the possible consequences for my dogs as they certainly wouldn't react well to a stranger climbing in through a window when we weren't there!). Yes, you can get your stuff back if you prove its not your BIL's property but a) why deal with the hassle and b) what if they take stuff you no longer have the receipt for? We certainly had no paperwork for the garden furniture as it was given to us by my parents second-hand and already several years old so it's not as if we'd have kept the receipt to return it if it broke, but it still would have cost us a lot to replace had the bailiffs nabbed it all.

Not just that but the police had that address as his known address and we got quite a few late night visits. I went to let the dogs out to pee at about 11pm one night to find about 6 policemen in the garden with torches - they're lucky I hadn't just let the dogs out without checking the gate was shut!
Brother wasn't even involved in any major crimes - he just got made redundant and spiraled into some money troubles - had no job to pay for car insurance/tax/petrol, got a job but had to drive there, so took the risk at driving without insurance/tax and drove away from a few petrol stations without paying. Not good crimes but nothing too sinister, yet the police certainly put their resources to use trying to track him down each time! And of course, because we were his brother and sister, they (understandably, I'm sure many people do lie about it) wouldn't just take our word that he didn't live there so it carried on for months. One time I was even followed into town and pulled over by a police car (how embarrassing!) because I had my OH in the car and they thought it was my brother.

Don't make yourself officially associated with him because it will keep haunting you!

peachyprice

And if he gets an ankle tag for abusing his mother? He'll have to come and live at the address he's given. Would you want that?

Keep well out of it. I hope your OH has the balls to do the right thing and doesn't let his mother manipulate him into enabling his brother.