friend put me in an awkward position

daisy_doughnut

hi there this is a bit long

a friend from school moved back to the area about 9 months back she had lost contact with a lot of people but as she moved on to my road in to her parents we caught back up

any way she is a nice enough girl with a son who is 2 her b/f who is the babies daddy is in the navy so he is away for huge lengths of time
from what she has told me she an him dont have relations vey often an this frustrates her ive tried to help as ive been in the same position by telling her to talk to him

about 6 weeks ago she met up with a male friend from school started spending alot of time with him but then she starts asking her mum to sit baby so she can go out with him only she tells mum she is out with me
im not happy so i tell her to tell the b/f its over an not to use me as an excuse

now her fella comes home for 2 weeks an she still carries on seeing the other one telling the b/f that she is agin out with me im sooooo not happy an sternly tell her

she says she cant end it as she needs the b/f to support her finacially so she is using him

now the other night she popped round to drop something off she has son with her
sone starts talkin about uncle x i look at her an she says its the other fella he is in the car an baby thinks he is great likes him better than daddy we been to the beach allday

she knew i was mad but wasnt going to say anythin infront of kids

2 days later she calls me says u haven called the house to day av u i said no why she says cos ive been with you all day with kids we been beach

i lost it this time gave her my full thoughts on the matter

she now has a new house and i know that the other fella will be round alot i cant seem to get her to realise what she is doing an also i have to lie to her parents an b/f which i really hate doing

so do i tell the truth if asked?
or do i just tell the b/f?


thanks for reading

skintas_2

well if someone tells before you, your gonna look a right cow,tell her you dont want nothing to do with her, she is causing trouble for you. my friend tried years ago to do the same. i told her ill tell my man he would tell. fingers crossed she gets caught out soon.....by him, but prepare for backlash from the bf

ktb

depends whether you really want to keep the sort of person that has behaved like your 'friend' in your life really. If you do then I guess you have to keep your mouth shut, other than repeating to her that she is behaving in an unaccpetable way every time you get dragged into this mess.... if not then she has invited you into this situation even when you have made it very clear how you feel about it. As such I would say that you have every right to threaten to tell her OH and then carry out that threat it nothing changes...

belfastgirl23

I'd tell her that while you won't go out and put anyone straight about anything, neither will you lie for her. So if someone asks straight out you'll tell the truth. Hopefully she'll see she needs to find another excuse...

Babysoft

Don't know why her Navy boyfriend would blame you You are doing nothing wrong. I would walk past her house often and eventually you will be seen to be alone... so when she comes home and says she was with you she will have some explaining to do. I have a feeling the baby will drop her in it soon anyway..... they have a knack for it!

MickMack

Personally I don't think you have to do anything apart from realise that she is using you as well as her BF. So far it sounds like you haven't done anything wrong, i.e. you haven't had to actually lie for her and so you have nothing to be worried about. As Babysoft says, its only a matter of time before the wee one drops her in it i would say. I wonder how much "Uncle whats his face" actually knows about her current situation or is she spinning him a yarn too???

Don't put yourself in a messy situation by lieing for her and make it very clear to her that your not happy with her using you as an alibi, and be sure she is clear that if at any point it come to it, you will not be backing her up or lieing for her. She will soon find a different excuse.

It appears to me that she isn't really a friend (if she was she wouldn't put you in this situation) and she is being totally selfish. I wouldn't actively go out and tell everyone whats going on but at the same time she's not worth protecting, better to not get involved at all, also i would make it clear that you don't want to know any more about the goings on, that way you can plead ignorance with a clear conscience if it ever comes to it.

Psykicpup

although I wouldnt go & tell those involved I certainly would not lie if I was asked!
It strikes me that she wants to be caught out. She goes out for the day with new fella using you as an alibi but doesnt bother to tell you anything till afterwards.....then worries if you have called?????
Maybe shes hinting that you should phone & ask to speak to her......

Tam_Lin

How well do you know the Navy boyfriend? If he's a real friend of yours, I'd say tell him, but if you only know him vaguely through her, refuse to lie if asked.

daisy_doughnut

i dont really know her b/f just to say hi to i guess when i see him which as only been 2 times

the other fella knows the whole situation

i think im just going to tell her i disaprove of what she is doing
an that if she brings me in to it again i am not going to back her up
if this breaks outr friendshipo then i guess its down to her as i would never dream of putting a friend in this situation let alone cheat on my fella

i cant help feeling for the baby he must be so confused

thanks all x

Bagpuss1973

Personally I would let her get on with it but would explain that should be asked you are not going to lie for her. At the end of the day if the boyfriend in the Navy finds out it is their problem not yours. I think he would be better of without her but then there is the child to think of, who will probably mention Uncle X anyway so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

paddy's_mum

daisy doughnut - my opinion, for what it may be worth to you, is that this person is no friend, whatever you choose to describe her as. Neither is she the 'nice enough girl' you call her.

To put it bluntly, she is basically an adulteress! She is playing very dangerous games indeed, not least with the mind of her young son. If and when the navy boyfriend finds out, she may well end up being yet another statistic of 'dead in a ditch' somewhere. You only have to read the newspaper once a week to know that behaviour less serious than this can sometimes lead to murder.

Please think about and ask yourself what, exactly, YOU get out of this immoral and treacherous relationship? Her support, a rock-solid, reliable friend to lean upon in times of your own troubles? What, then ...?

When (and not if) the proverbial hits the fan, where will that leave you? You surely must realise that if she can tell such whopping lies to those who are (or should be) her nearest and dearest, she is going to have no hesitation whatever in telling similar whoppers about you and your involvement. You could so very easily end up being castigated by your family, her family, your neighbours etc etc. You may end up having to defend your actions to all and sundry and, unfortunately, such is the way of this world, mud sticks!

It has also been my life's experience that a woman such as this one will eventually fabricate a major row in order to get you - and the grave danger your knowledge represents - out of their life with the least possibility of you ever being able to tell the truth and be believed. You may not believe me now but just let events roll on ...

It is comparatively rare for me to make such a damning, bossy statement as that which follows and I hope that you will forgive me ...

Get this woman out of your life, whatever it takes. You do not need the aggro (that which has already occurred and that which is to come) nor the feeling that you must mind your P's and Q's every time you open your mouth in case you inadvertently drop her in it.

Maybe it is time for YOU to manufacture a major falling out - whatever it takes to get her out of the picture and allow you to go back to being the truthful, reliable, up-front, honest person that you clearly are!