Would you?

**Patty**

Looking for vague opinions really.......

If you had a case already through the CSA (only using them because of refusal to pay) and you found out that the NRP hadn't told the CSA of a significant salary increase which would UP your children's money by around £90 a month......

Would you go back for re-assessment?

Children are now 17 & 15.....eldest has just started 6th form & there's never been a re-assessment in 4 years since the case started.

McKneff

Too right.........................

Soubrette

I might or I might not.


My ex told me about a dividend payment which would mean I would get a one of payment of about £4K. He asked if he could not pay it to me and keep it for the girls future.
I told him that was ok because after a long drawn out fight, where he felt only I had responsibility for paying for the girls, going through the CSA, going to a tribunal etc, he has totally changed his mindset. He no longer tells them that it was my job to pay for things for them (even though he was, at that time, contributing nothing towards clothes etc and only seeing them 6 days per month), he pays for things that he need not have, above and beyond his 1/7th discount for seeing them (although for a long time he only saw one, my daughter's choice not his and not mine). He may or may not keep his word on this payment but that's for his conscience, he pays a reasonable amount and has been more than generous to the girls now, I'm happy with that.

However, when he was refusing to contribute anything, when he promised to cover certain areas and didn't - I took him all the way to a tribunal, I had copies of his accounts (from companies house for a small fee), who was registered as owner to his house, I contacted his accountant and as I had been company sec, got alot of information from them in a freedom of information request, the tribunal meant he had to provide information on all his bank and credit card accounts, both personal and business and as the other person involved, I got to see all of that. If he was still that man, in the same mindset of punishing me through the girls then I would report the wage increase.

I feel it is my job to make sure the girls are happy and comfortable and at one point in time he was not meeting enough of a share of either their financial nor emotional needs. I had no control over the latter but I did have things I could do about the former and I would do it all again if I felt it was needed! That said, I did not feel it was my job to punish the ex by extracting as much money as I possibly could from him, although at the time (and possibly even now) he would have disagreed with my assessment of my own motivations.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Yes I would.

**Patty**

Soubrette...would it help if i said there are no overnights?

17 yr old has seen her Dad for 3 days this YEAR.

15 yr old has been today so that makes it 5 days for him this year.

365days

Do you need the money? Can you be arsed? Is there a possibility that he can wangle the re assesment so you end up with less (happens to me self employed yada yada) Is the hassle of dealing with the CSA worth it? Will it make any difference to your relationship with ex?

There's a few questions for starters!

Soubrette

**Patty** wrote: »

Soubrette...would it help if i said there are no overnights?

17 yr old has seen her Dad for 3 days this YEAR.

15 yr old has been today so that makes it 5 days for him this year.

Personally, if I felt that my girls life would be better then yes I would do it.

If I felt that my girls life would not be better (and that includes a deteriorating relationship with their Dad) then I wouldn't.

I can't reassure you that it is absolutely the right thing to do because I only have your side of the story. What I do know is that once I chose to push all the way because taking into account all the factors I felt it was the best decision for the girls and for us as a family (I'm remarried and although my husband doesn't mind supporting the girls he felt the ex was taking the mick at one point). On the other hand, another time I decided, on balance, that it wasn't worth the bother of the extra money, he gave enough of himself and his money to the girls for me to be happy with the status quo.

So, only you can know if it's right for you and your family. There are some pretty poor NRPs out there and some pretty poor PWCs but most of us, on either side of the fence, are just trying to muddle along doing the best we can.

Good luck whatever your decision.

**Patty**

365days wrote: »

Do you need the money? Can you be arsed? Is there a possibility that he can wangle the re assesment so you end up with less (happens to me self employed yada yada) Is the hassle of dealing with the CSA worth it? Will it make any difference to your relationship with ex?

There's a few questions for starters!

1. Yes of course......plus, there is the point that had we still been together, then our children would have benefitted anyway.

2. Yes. Paperwork doesn't faze me..its a way of life for me.

3. Well i could say, it would struggle to be any less:rotfl:but he isn't self-employed. Plus, it's been *wangled* previously so now it's more likely to be a true refection.

4. Hassle? I do DLA......CSA are a walk in the park.

5. Thats the sticker. I bear no malice towards my Ex. His wife though, frequently spreads her opinions about me on Facebook. (apparently, having a child needing 24/7 care isn't enough & i should be getting off my backside & stop claiming benefits......not sure which benefits as my husband has a job & works away 3 weeks out of 4 & is renumerated because of that)

But generally, it's quite a civil relationship between us.


Edited to add: The nights this year thing......He has always (for the last 12 years) had unrestricted unlimited access to the children. It's his choice to see them as little as he does

DUTR

**Patty** wrote: »

1. Yes of course......plus, there is the point that had we still been together, then our children would have benefitted anyway.

Edited to add: The nights this year thing......He has always (for the last 12 years) had unrestricted unlimited access to the children. It's his choice to see them as little as he does

I'm confused as to where the dilema is?
Why would you not want to ?

FBaby

It would totally depend on how much he is already contributing. I strongly believe that as a whole, there is a limit to how much a nrp should contribute as in if his contribution is significantly above 50% of what the children costs (not taking into account cost related to disability as this is already being supported by DLA unless the costs are trully much over), then it isn't right to expect him to provide even more.

Also, it would depend on what is funded to the children when they spend time with their dad. If it is going to mean that he can't afford to do anything with them during his time, then it isn't really going to benefit the children.

Then of course there is the affect on the relationship. Coming from a divorced family, I can say that what matters the most for children is harmony between parents, and that is worth much more than what £45 each can pay for.

polaroid

hi, sorry to bump this link - Soubrette - do you mind me asking if your ex-partner was / is self employed when you took him to a tribunal? and saw his accounts?
my ex runs is self employed + three pawnbrokers - and after a five year battle with CSA they have finally decided he pays £0..... apparently he has sent it accounts that show he earns nothing... frustrating and wrong dont cover it.ANY advice would be so welcome as i can not cope with it any more. i went to the doctors and just cried for an hour last week. i am on my own and work every hour i can to provide for my daughter and i watch her dad live a lifestyle that is crazy and he has now moved a woman and her child in whilst paying zero for his own. CSA say they can't apply for a variance of earnings as he has provided his accounts, but i know for a fact he uses his fathers account to put money. i dont mean to sound bitter its just unbeleivably frustrating.

in answer to the first thread i would say if you are receiving an amount you happy with and your kids are fine then let it go. does he know that you know? i can only speak from my own experience and that is the further i fought and i ended up wtih nothing and the annomosity gets so horrible and nasty. guess its if you want to try and fight it x