CSA payments demanded even though private arrangement in place

louisecp

Morning folk,

My partner had a one night stand six years ago which resulted in a lovely daughter, as my partner was very young at the time he decided to not be in a relationship with the mother but still saw the child once a week during the day.

When the child was nine months old he found a job and came to a private agreement to pay the mother £25 a week into The child's savings account.

When my partner met me he saw the child more and the child made the decision she wanted to stay at our house overnight a couple of nights a week which obviously we were thrilled about.

Now the mother has given up work altogether, spent all the childs savings which were put away by my partner and has begun to be abusive towards my partner and I and whenever there is a disagreement about parenting styles (we read to the child before bed and insist she sleeps in her own room the mother wants her to watch tv and sleep in the same bed a her etc) the mother prevents my partner seeing the child.

Now the latest mud slinging has resulted in the mother calling the CSA. My partner spoke to them and he is going to have to pay £36 a week and maybe arrears even though we had a private arrangement in place. Also my partner has been told if he wants to see his daughter in can be whenever she says or two hours a fortnight in a contact centre.

Can my one please help?

We had a private arrangement in place should we have to pay arrears?

Will the private arrangement still stand?

How can we see the child?

Also we know the mother is committing benefit fraud?

Thanks so so much in advance, I'm having sleepless nights!

DUTR

There are none or minimal arrears, the arrears accrue from the date on the MEF letter, it's best he just curl up and pay via the csa as then the PWC cannot throw anymore mud on that score. As for her giving up work etc etc, don't worry about that, concentrate on your own lives and lifestyle, in the long run it will be worth it. Especially for the extra £11 per week.

clearingout

so basically your partner has 'put away' £25 a week for a child and the mother has had to pay 100% of the costs towards her upbringing and you are now concerned that the child's savings have been spent? Do you actually have a clue what it costs to bring up a child and just how difficult it is to do that on your even with the generous support of tax credits? I think it is inevitable that there would come a point where mum got fed up with this arrangement and demanded that the father make a fair contribution.

From a contact point of view, you simply need to have a look at the Families Need Fathers website, also have a look at wikivorce and you will find plenty of information on how to take this to court and get a positive result. What you do need to do is act quickly - mum's actions are not acceptable and it is the child who will be suffering. Any delay in your actions can be used against you - ie. you didn't really care, not that bothered about the child - and result in a slow build up of contact ordered. You don't need a solicitor to go to court, there have been no problems for years so it is a straightforward case of mum getting difficult (does she have a new partner?) which needs stamping on. The courts will do that for you.

louisecp

Actually it was the mums suggestion, she wanted My partner to contribute nothing to his daughter at all, it was only when he insisted she decided to let him set up this account which she had full access too. Also mum is illegally child minding and claiming benefit fraud, she has more money for both of us combined. I begrudged the child nothing at all, she could have half of my own wage if I knew it would be spent on her. I actually thinks £36 a week is reasonable, I was concerned about the arrears claim.

Mum does have a new partner, we thought this however would help her see some perspective in actual fact things have got much worse since the arrival of the partner.

Thanks for the contact advice, my partner can get on to that today and tomorrow nd hopefully we can have this issue resolved in no time.

Many thanks again

clearingout

the new partner is probably fuelling the contact problem - and possibly the CSA claim as well. It's a pretty normal pattern of what happens.

If she is illegally childminding (and I would be very careful of what you think you know and what you actually know) you can report her for benefit fraud. It's anonymous. You could probably also report her to Oftstead although my own childminder some years ago was very 'hot' on dealing with these issues - they jump through hoops and if they see someone getting away with it, they do the reporting!

Be very aware that it could halt the flow of benefits altogether so if you have it wrong, it is the child who will suffer. She will probably also assume it's you that's doing the reporting which will cause even greater resentment and problems with contact. I always fail to understand how on earth you could possibly know what goes on in her house - you only have what the child tells you to go on (which, depending on age, and even with age, is always open to interpretation) and possibly other people who also have their own axes to grind and their own view on things. We rarely know what goes on behind closed doors. My ex is one for telling people what I'm up to and how dreadful it all is, has Social Services knocking on the door etc. etc. etc. He's never once got it right, or even nearly right. How could he - he doesn't live here!!!!! You can interpret anything negatively if you choose to.

paddedjohn

clearingout wrote: »

so basically your partner has 'put away' £25 a week for a child and the mother has had to pay 100% of the costs towards her upbringing and you are now concerned that the child's savings have been spent? Do you actually have a clue what it costs to bring up a child and just how difficult it is to do that on your even with the generous support of tax credits? I think it is inevitable that there would come a point where mum got fed up with this arrangement and demanded that the father make a fair contribution.

From a contact point of view, you simply need to have a look at the Families Need Fathers website, also have a look at wikivorce and you will find plenty of information on how to take this to court and get a positive result. What you do need to do is act quickly - mum's actions are not acceptable and it is the child who will be suffering. Any delay in your actions can be used against you - ie. you didn't really care, not that bothered about the child - and result in a slow build up of contact ordered. You don't need a solicitor to go to court, there have been no problems for years so it is a straightforward case of mum getting difficult (does she have a new partner?) which needs stamping on. The courts will do that for you.

Your first statement appears a bit harsh on the OP, if all he could afford was £25 then that's not his fault, and as you point out the tax credits and child allowance are more than enough to bring a kid up.
With the benefits and his contribution the mother is getting over £100 per week to look after her kid.

louisecp

Hi guys,

Thanks for all of the support, I feel so much better,

Clearing out, oh I completely hear what you're saying about behind closed doors... We have been affected by 'he said, she said' previously, however I only ever go on what the Mother tells us herself and her own axes she has to grind.

There's so much subjectivity in all child custody/payment issues it just seems unfair that all this ends up effecting the child.

In an ideal world we could all co-parent and have our different styles complement each other however in reality resentment and hurt tends to get in the way and its really sad.

I just want this resolved and to start a fresh in the new year with a good routine in place for the child and a positive relationship between the Dad and Mum, unfortunately though I don't think it will be.

It's a massive shame,

Cally_Smart

Yes ,once the CSA make contact ,even if things seem to calm down and you keep paying & she takes the money off you ..remember the CSA clock is ticking and you will be building up 'arrears' to them ...and you will have a devil of a job proving what youve paid out if the parent with care (the pwc)says otherwise ..take it from someone who's learnt the hard way : (

Marisco

CSA arrears will only accrue from the time they got in touch with you, what went on before won't matter. The best thing to do is to stop paying privately, put the money to one side and pay the arrears when it's sorted. You might be lucky and it won't take eons to sort out, but it can take weeks, and all the time arrears are mounting.

So even if you keep paying the PWC, the CSA will still slap the arrears on, even though you have been paying privately, they won't take it into account. That is why it's always sensible to stop paying when the CSA gets involved. But don't forget to put the money aside to pay for the arrears.

clearingout

paddedjohn wrote: »

Your first statement appears a bit harsh on the OP, if all he could afford was £25 then that's not his fault, and as you point out the tax credits and child allowance are more than enough to bring a kid up.
With the benefits and his contribution the mother is getting over £100 per week to look after her kid.

I made the comment that the tax credit system is 'generous'. I made no comment whatsoever that as to whether or not I consider this 'more than enough to bring a kid up'.

There are plenty of PWC who receive little or nothing at all in tax credit and very soon, a significant number will receive no child benefit either. My own feelings are that even if the PWC is a millonaire in their own right, the NRP still has a responsiblity to make a contribution towards the upbringing of his/her child. Whether tax credits are generous or not has no bearing on this whatsoever.

gingergee

OP, i wish i had had a step-mum like you! You sound like you really do care about the childs welfare. x