What would you do, paying back family

onedayiwill

Personally, I think it is rude to not accept a gift that is given with a genuinely open heart ... which is what your mum is giving you by telling you not to pay it back.

My general rule, if I am uncomfortable with the generosity of a gift being given to me, is to refuse twice (if offered twice) - but if they offer it a third then I will gracefully accept.

It sounds like your mum is really adamant and has passed the third offering with you

Perhaps when the sale of your house, bank charges etc come through, you could put the amount you owe her into a savings account and keep it there in case she ever needs financial help in the future, at which point you can offer her the same help she has given you.

And in the meantime, buy her a nice bunch of flowers, take her out for a lovely meal, smile and say thank you.

MustStopSpending

My dad still insists on slipping money into my had when we see each other every now and again and says although I've grown up and moved out I'm still his little girl, love him to pieces!

I have a boyfriend to do the decorating, plumbing etc now and I think my dad feels a bit redundant, money is the only way he can help now. So maybe your mum feels the same.

Accept it and love her for it always xx

Sus1e

Could you not ask her if she would mind if you put it in a savings account for any future children/current kids as an investment for them?

I know my mum would be happier if she knew that the money would be spent on her (not even thought about, let alone here) grandkids.

That way you are paying her back, but in a manner that gives to the future generation.

Skint_Catt

Personally I would thank her and accept, although save and put the money aside. In my opinion as I am now the finance house for my parents :rotfl: and it's helped Mum buy a lovely new (well 3 yr old) car as my Dad no longer drives due to Parkinsons. You may be able to help her in the future??

Aren't parents the best?!

C xx

beanielou

I can appreciate where you are coming from.
i find it very hard to accept thingr from my mum but she genuinly wants to give and think Im being churlish to refuse.
Im kindly getting a new bed soon & really appreciate it but feel that at 40 odd should be able to buy my own new bed *sigh*

r.mac_2

on seeing your new post - i think that you should probably accept graciously and enjoy your debt free status!!!!

Good luck with the house sale - oh, and you have a lovely mum xxx

Mindy_2

Due to our debts, my parents are helping out with our DS's school fees, they were paying £2,000 a term but have just upped it to £3,000 a term for the last 4 terms - although I should say that they do play fair and gave my sister £30,000 about 8 years ago to help her buy the other half of our house from a housing company.

2 years ago they decided that they had more money than they currently needed - although how you have more money than you need I couldn't possibly imagine - and they gave each of us £15,000 for a new car, lucky really as I wrote my old one off three days before I took delivery of the new one!

I don't anticipate every paying them back, and I am sure that they don't intended for us to do so either. To them it is a gift given with love.

I would go down the route of saying thank you and squirrelling a bit aside for any time in the future when you can give her some money or spend on her in a way that she will be happy with.

pudding06

I was just thinking,

perhaps you could accept it for the time being - and throw everything at your barclaycard, after all your mum problably is worried that you are paying interest still on other borrowings.

when your b/card is paid off then you could then re-broach the subject and explain that she gave you the gift of paying less interest etc but you want to follow her example and pay back what you owe her. you can say pay it off your mortgage perhaps etc. Alfterall the greatest gift a parent can give you is being there for you when times are difficult and your mum has certainly done that!!!

what a lovely mum

pudds

Amanda65

I would accept the offer in the spirit that it is intended and then just book a lovely break away without giving her the option of paying.

My parents have helped us over the years and always work on the premise that any money borrowed has to be offered back and sometimes they've acepted the payment and sometimes they haven't. My dad says as the money eventually will come mine and brothers way he likes buying things now as if it was left in property / cash Gordon Brown would get a large chunk of his hard earned cash - this way anything he buys now he says is paid for 30% by me, 30% by brother and 40% by the Chancellor lol!!!!

momisa

Very interesting question inthegreen.

As pudds just said, I'd be tempted to leave the subject alone for now as you and your Mum know that you still have debts today. Once the house is sold and you get your bonuses your Mum will see that you have no debts. That said, she'll then want you to be saving for a deposit on a new house etc etc, so I'm sure she'll always find a good excuse not to accept it back and she obviously feels she doesn't need it.

That said, and I feel you when you want to pay your Mum back, so put the money you owe your Mum into a high interest account, sit back and watch the interest climb for a year or two. But note, I feel that your Debt-Free-Day should be celebrated with a nice dinner out or something that your Mum really likes to do on a day which is not particularly significant in order that you can both remember a fantastic achievement.

On the 1st/5th - whatever you fancy - anniversary of your Debt-Free-Day celebration take your Mum out again and present her with a huge gift. If she drives, you could use the money for a new car, only buy the car for her and give her the keys. I suspect if you try to give her the cash in any form she may be a little unhappy so refrain from that and let the subject disappear. I'm sure there are plenty of treats other than a car, ie cruise around the Carribean or somewhere exotic that could be planned but let her think that it's all forgotten for now. This way she'll be gobsmacked and proud and it'll be a real occasion to remember.

Enjoy your DFD