What would you do, paying back family

inthegreen

as you can see from my signature I owe my mum a total amount of £10609.57. Out of the amount I borrowed last year from he I owe 5186.06. The other amount was from where I did my 3 year finance apprenticeship and they paid me the grand sum of 8k a year, wouldn't allow 2nd jobs and was so far away I had to rent, mum kindly lent me the money to keep my old car running and to enable me to complete the 3 years without debt (went downhill once I started earning more money!!)

She rang yesterday and said she doesn't want the £5423.51 back and that I should accept it gratefully as a gift. My mum is now retired and lives off about 13k a year, she still has a small mortgage (which she is paying extra on after reading martins tips e-mail!!) We argued about it as I believe I should pay it back.

My house is on the market and I also have a guaranteed bonus in January that would pay off all my debt. I also filed a claim for £4113 of bank charges today. She is adamant she will not accept it back and wants me to delete it from my debt spreadsheet (I e-mail her my SOA regularly so she can see my progress and the fact I am committed. She also said that wouldn't I feel happier knowing my debt is under 9k but its not as I spent the money and see it as a student loan (never went to uni!!) so feel I should pay it back.

So what would you do in my shoes accept gracefully or just keep transferring money to her account?

pollyanna24

Ooh, parents can be stubborn old things, can't they? Think in all honesty, only you can really answer this question. It is an extremely nice gesture on your mum's part, as most (almost put "all" there, but remember my bf's parents) parents want the best for their children.

If you really think that she could do with the money, maybe insist a bit more.

Bestthingsinlifearefree

I personally would keep paying her back. Particuarly as she is retired, not on a lot of money and still has a mortgage.

Why not do it in a sustainable way e.g £50 per month and then if / when your finances improve increase it to £100 etc etc

Good luck.

inthegreen

the only trouble with mum is she checks her account daily and will probably send it back. Do mortgage companies accept payments from anyone other than the account holder if I can find out the details?

sammy115

I would tell your mum that you are accepting her offer, but then I would pay the amount I owed her off her mortgage without telling her, until it was too late for her to do anything about it!

Tashja

Wow it is a hard one.

On one hand - from your point of view you really want to pay this back and have the peace of mind that you have paid your debts.

But then from your mums point of view (I am a mum too !!) she doesn't want to see you in debt and this is her way of helping her child (I would do the same !!) and you don't want to hurt her feelings by turning down her offer.

So, how about a compromise - agree to stop paying her the money and then when you have your debts paid off and yoou have your bonus, etc treat her to a small holiday or something she really wants/needs ???

This is just a suggestion and I am trying to think of a way out of this for both of you with no hurt feelings.

Good luck.

T xx

sammy115

I couldn't quite figure out how you had answered my post before I'd even posted it but then I realised you were thinking the same thing. All I can tell you is that my OH and his three sisters pay their parents mortgage for them (split 4 ways). It comes out of our bank account every month so from experience mortgage companies don't care where the money comes from as long as they get paid.

Dithering_Dad

Old Mother Dither is the same, she always refuses to accept money when she has laid out cash for meals/trips for our kids (her grand children). I've given up arguing now and just jot it down the amounts on a piece of paper and when it reaches a decent amount I do a bank transfer to her account.

Old folk :rolleyes:.

r.mac_2

tashja makes a good point - a treat like that would be lovely...

alternatively, could you suggest that while you are bowled over by her generous gift, you would like to follow through on your committment to repay it. Why not suggest that you accept her gift of half the amount and repay the rest???

Certainly if you are able to clear it as quickly as you think perhaps you should tell your mum this - she may not realise this???

Snaggles

I think that's a really nice idea Tashja (congrats on the pregnancy btw) - if she really doesn't want you to pay her back, and she is financially secure herself, then I would accept it, but save up and treat her when you can.

inthegreen

My mum is fully aware of what I earn and the potential pay back rate she has a copy of my SOA and even my green metropolis, ebay and quidco earning go straight to her account to speed up the rate I pay her off

My husband and I are now separated and I rent a tiny room so have to pay rent as well as my half of the mortgage until the house is sold. Once the house is sold I not only will have a lump sum but £820 a month spare and 2 bonuses by the end of February next year, yeah!!:T I think she also feels guilty that she lives too far away for me to move home to help me out until the house is sold.

My mum has always told me that she always paid back every penny grandad ever lent her (unlike my uncle!!) and I want to be the same.

I suggested we use the money to go on a fantastic holiday but the only way she would agree is if she paid her half:mad:

She says I have helped her save money ,helped her with a mortgage misselling claim, did all her crimbo shopping through quidco(shes scared of putting in card details on the net!) , getting us a good deal through a friend for our trip to New York this November but not to the tune of £5k odd.

Parents, lovely but ever so slightly annoying sometimes:D